This is on of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.
I’m writing this based on recent observations over the last few months and from recent information that my husband has shared with me since I have allowed him to pull on his penis without ejaculation as basically more of a means so that he could pacify himself after sex so I can escape and get on with things other than sex. I’m very satisfied after sex, and it frees me to move on as he lies there moaning and pulling on his penis helping him to cool down post sex without ejaculation and I don’t have to lie there and cuddle and be affectionate. I was initially concerned that he could have an accidental spill while doing this. He reports that even though he’s obviously highly aroused post sex, that this provides no stimulation to him other than just more of a pacifying behavior while he’s still highly aroused. I really wasn’t expecting this, but the stimulus response between his brain/fantasy, hand and penis matrix (brain + hand + penis = ejaculation) has successfully been put on extinction over the last year, and replaced with only vagina + penis = ejaculation. That’s pretty exciting! It’s to be expected I guess, and I shouldn’t be surprised that the principle of extinction in operant conditioning applies even to human male arousal mechanisms, but I’m still surprised that the stimulus response mechanism between his hand and penis could be broken. I’m sure this relationship could be restored with effort, it’s just that the wet vagina is a much more superior conditioned stimulus.
I know there’s a lot of wives/girlfriends dealing with a lot of masturbaters out there. I hope this offers some hope. It is possible to condition a man to seek only your vagina. Granted this is my experience with this particular male. It just required me to stand up and enforce retention in our home.
I think it’s inevitable that when a male acquires a highly arousing novel female as a continuous mate that eventually she will become a continuous stimulus with ejaculation on demand which means she becomes no stimulus at all. He then seeks out other novel females to be stimulated by (porn or actual novel females). Don’t worry, these females have nothing you don’t have other than they’re not you. That’s their most appealing feature. The absence of you. So he returns to the longest sexual relationship he’s had with another piece of organic matter: his hand. His hand has been with him since probably birth. He knows it. It feeds him. It pleasures him. It’s always there for him. They never fight. Really, you don’t stand a chance competing against his best friend. So what’s it like living with a man that can find no pleasure in his hand. Well, he’s always waiting for me to get home. If I bend over wearing pants, he gets an erection. If he’s walking behind me in the grocery store, he gets an erection. He’s nearly always hoping to put it in me. And his attitude, oh so nice. And when I’m ready, there’s a piece of steel between his legs waiting to please me, and he’s also wanting to kiss and cuddle forever after I’m done if I should want it. He complains about me not wanting to cuddle enough! And claims that I’m just like a man after sex. He wants to cuddle and be affectionate, and I’m done! Enough already. Nine orgasms are enough. No touching afterward please, but he could plow through 5 more women given he didn’t spill. The stories below are sad and maybe fixable with retention ….maybe. I think the women below would appreciate the way I’ve broken my husband of his masturbation habit, and trained him to service me.
I’ve only been married 3 months. I just learned that my husband masturbates to porn everyday. I really don’t like the idea of that but he says that its normal. I don’t mind him masturbating once in a while but i think everyday is excessive. We only have sex once a week. I want it more than that, but hes always too tired. I think that the reason we only have sex once a week is because he masturbates everyday. It really bothers me to think that he watches porn everyday….It makes me feel like I am not enough. Is it normal for him to masturbate every single day??? I’m feeling like c**p right now and wish i had someone to talk to about it. 🙁
I so know that feeling I am in the same situation my fiance tells me he has no libido, but yet night after night he masturbates not just once but up to 3-4 times 2-3 for sure. I lay there thinking what a waste. I am right here. Why don’t you want me? You prefer your hand over me! Why are we together?. He says he has no libido, but yet he can desire himself and masturbate all night. What is up with that? I see his fine tight ass, and I go to bed unsatisfied and pissed off night after night. I hate begging for sex, and when I do get it I feel like a charity case. It’s like he is not even in the room with me like it is a big chore for him what a waste.
These women are mystified, confusedand victims of their husbands/boyfriend’s self abuse.I wish I could tell them there’s no mystery. It’s just that he’s no longer stimulated by you, and he will never be again because you let yourself become a continuous stimulus which is no stimulus at all, available for penetration and ejaculation all the time because you love him and want to make him happy which is why he wants to sit in front of the computer and jack off looking at a new novel female every 15 seconds. It beats being with you. Even the plain Jane that isn’t as pretty as you still has a feature you don’t which is that at least she’s not you and that’s pretty hot to him. This is not his fault. You’re both victims of the principles of operant conditioning. It’s science. The most your both are guilty of is ignorance of these principles. This problem can quite possibly be fixed. The information is out there to possibly fix it. Read the free book.
This observation prompts a bigger question. Is it possible to put ejaculation on extinction. If Intercourse never resulted in ejaculation would the urge to ejaculate just go away without affecting the quality and frequency of erections? I’m guessing probably not. And even if it were possible, I would probably be dealing with an overly submissive male that would be under my feet continuously.
How much better off would Louis C.K. (the best comic in a generation), Anthony Weiner (an articulate voice for his party), Harvey Weinstein (defined Hollywood over the last 20 years) etc, have been if they had a woman that could have provided some guidance, supervision and structure in their lives. Men are like children. They need structure especially in how they channel their sexual energy, and with what were seeing in the media of late, there is evidence of it. I hope we don’t lose Louis C.K. , and that he can find his way back to the stage. I wish he would have had a woman in his life that could have provided some supervision for him. He’s too brilliant to lose. What a waste. Structure could have save these men from so much pain. But most women don’t know that their men even need it or how to provide it if they did know. I know I didn’t.
Thanks to my hubby for help with the website …and the orgasms!
DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband. Every relationship should be safe, sane, and consensual. Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.