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The Dark Side of Chastity

This isn’t going to be an article about the twisted underworld of chastity, this is about feelings. This is about ensuring that the feelings that you are hoping to enforce with chastity are the ones that you get. If done improperly, chastity can bring feelings of resentment, distrust and anger when that is the opposite reason that you brought it into your life. Chastity is a huge mind fuck and is capable of bringing up some pretty intense emotions but my intent is to help you get positive a outcome when you put the ol’ hubby on lockdown.

I’ve received a couple emails from couples where it simply wasn’t working. The only results the woman is seeing is an angry, upset man who doesn’t want to play this game anymore. Chores are begrudgingly completed, massages happen but he is clearly unhappy and neither of them is seeing the result that she expected. Things just aren’t working. So what went wrong?

When done properly, woman cages man, man whines, woman teases, man whines more, woman teases man, man cries and begs to have his cage removed, woman determines that the man’s had enough and allows him a release. Rinse, repeat for as long as you both want chastity to continue. Time doesn’t really matter as long as the teasing is frequent and merciless. The frustration that he feels is intense, so intense that he actually gets a euphoric high from the frustration and desperate lack of control. That high is turned around and focused on you which makes the game oh so much fun to play. You feel confident, powerful and are truly in control. That is how things are supposed to work.

All too often, the woman thinks that the cage is the magic here but it isn’t! The magic is you. The cage simply forces him to redirect his sexual energy toward you instead of allowing it to escape the tip of his weenie when he jerks off. If you want to ruin the experience for both of you, lock him up and leave him. This gives him time to stew and to regret this little game. The secret is constant and frequent teasing to keep his focus directed at you and to keep him constantly yearning to please you with massages, oral sex and household tasks. Not only should you take advantage of his desire to please but you should expect and demand it as a condition of your role in his orgasm control.

I don’t have time to tease him!

Then make him do some of the chores that were taking up your time. Now you have time to tease him. You will be shocked at the amount of time a properly motivated man can find.

Teasing takes so long.

Check out my article on teasing, you can spend as little or as much time on teasing as you want. Only have 30 seconds a day? No problem. 5 minutes a day? No problem.

How can I tease him if I can’t take the cage off?

You can and you should. As often as you want really. Some ladies take the cage off every night. Some don’t even use a cage, they just trust that he will not masturbate. The only restriction to keep the magic going is to prevent him from cumming. Anything short of that will keep this exciting game going as long as you decide it should go.

I unlocked him for a day, now what?

The reward isn’t unlocking him. The reward is your teasing and your attention. The cage is only there to intensify your power and direct his attention on you by redirecting his constant arousal. I wouldn’t recommend unlocking him for a day, only unlock him overnight or when you can supervise cleanings for him. I don’t even unlock mine for cleaning, he takes a regular shower and then I unlock him and use a warm washcloth to clean him after his shower. He always thinks it is going to turn into more but it never does. If you unlock him while he isn’t supervised, you are just asking for an accident that will reset your counter back to day zero. Don’t set him up for failure, set him up for success. You want him to succeed at being locked and desperate for you.

I’m not wired that way, I don’t know what to do.

I’ve got plenty of examples on my two teasing pages below and you can always talk with any of your friends that practice chastity. Come up with creative new ideas to push your men to the next level of submission and frustration. If you come up with any good ideas, share them with us. It really doesn’t take much.

I don’t really care enough. I’m only doing this for him.

Then don’t. You are probably going to cause more harm to your relationship than good if you humor him with a half-effort. Wait until you decide that you want to play or just tell him that chastity isn’t something that you are interested in. I can assure you that, when played correctly – this will be relationship magic. Putting a lock on his penis does seem a little bit weird so it might take some time to come to terms with it. Once you are comfortable enough to play along, you won’t look back.

Why can’t he just control his own masturbation habit?

Maybe he can. Maybe he prefers to have you control it so it is out of his hands. If he does have a high level of self control, try using the honor system and save the money and effort of a cage. If he is strong enough to abide by your rules without the use of a cage, by all means. Go for it. Be prepared though, most guys will inevitably have an “accident” when their daily tugging goes a bit too far. There is something psychologically glorious about having a key around my neck. It is a symbol of our little game and I love flaunting it. His reactions are priceless since merely playing with the key is a huge tease.

He already works long hours to support the family.

All the more reason to show him that his submission to you in the area of your finances is appreciated. Ensure that he is doing his share around the house despite the long hours at work. Bring that into your teasing play and use it. As I mentioned before, you’ve got to make time for frequent teasing. If you need more time, just make him do one of your tasks so you will have time to work on his dedication to you. You’ve got the means to ensure that he does it, and likes it. You will be amazed how much time magically appears when he is properly motivated.

In Summary

Getting him into his denied state usually takes 2-3 days but it can take more or less time depending on the man and his chastity experience. If you lock him up more frequently, his body and mind will know what to expect and get him there more quickly. Many guys slip back into that head space within a day if they are frequently locked. Your goal is to use teasing to keep his mindset working to please you. Frequent teasing will make him feel wanted and desired despite being locked. He trusts you and will trust that you will do what is best for him.

You want him to have a positive outlook on his lockup and realize that everything he does is to please you. It won’t take long and frequent rewards of teasing will ensure that he stays there. Chastity is a gift that you are giving to him and not a punishment, treat it as such and ensure that it makes your life easier and more fulfilling. As backwards as it might seem, the reward and “goal” of chastity isn’t the eventual release at the end of his lockup, it’s the high that he feels from the continual teasing and denial. Just let that sink in for a moment and consider how that changes your outlook on how to keep him motivated. The reward isn’t in the destination, it is in the journey.

The other side of the coin is the rewards that you can expect to receive for yourself. I’ve noticed a higher level of confidence, a better body image and as a result, I am much more comfortable being overtly sexual and demanding with him. This spills over into other parts of my life and frankly, things just seem to get easier as time goes on.

Remember that you should not allow bargaining, this reduces your authority and increases his power. If you say that he should do something, that is what he should do. If he tries to bargain with you, take privileges away or use a punishment of some kind until the bargaining stops.

While on the topic of punishment, it is vital that you don’t use punishment to motivate him to stay locked. You want to use positive motivation with this aspect of your relationship, I cover spanking and other punishments elsewhere on the site but those should be reserved for outright defiance, lies or broken promise. You can allow him to go without the cage as a reward but if you do this, you must be careful to not make it seem like the cage is a punishment.

Keeping him locked and properly motivated works best with positive reinforcement. Reward him with things that you can both enjoy while he is locked. Need daily oral sex? Want to peg him? Want massages? All of these things and more can be yours with the magic of chastity. I proudly wear his key around my neck because I am in awe of the changes that this one simple change has made in all aspects of our relationship.

If you know someone struggling with their chastity journey, share this article using the share link on the right side. Don’t worry, you can do it anonymously if you wish.

Above all, have fun with it! If you aren’t having fun with it, neither will he. You won’t see the results that you are looking for and you will email me to tell me that it isn’t working. In turn, I will point you back to this blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

6 thoughts on “The Dark Side of Chastity

  1. Once again Emma you nailed it. Great post! My girlfriend and I struggled initially, but it was more around finding a device that didn’t turn my balls blue or result in ball slip. Once we found a happy medium between the two the rest of the dynamic just fell into place. I did find that when we reached a new lockup goal she would express how proud of me she was. Hearing those simple words was and still is a big motivator for me.

  2. My husband found chastity extremely difficult to get used to. His emotions used to begin with polite requests for release, burning resentment, whining to angry outbursts. I was steadfast and firm that he would remain locked till I decide and the date and time is entirely at my discretion and with no prior notice to him. His mood swings would culminate in crying and begging me on his knees . I used to then cuddle and caress him allowing him to nurse at my breasts telling him that he must learn to live locked till I decide other wise. Over time he has learnt that no matter how and what he says or does , I decide.
    He knows that I love him, and keep him aroused and excited but his pleasure and desire should be focussed upon me.
    I am pleased to report that now he has almost ( its never hundred percent!); reconciled and cheerfully accepted his situation. He does know that I will always comfort him and often begs me to allow him nurse at my breasts when he is overwhelmed and close to tears.
    I can now release, tease and lock him up without allowing him to come and there is no protest. He has also learnt to eat his cum, often licking it off my feet or fed by my hands.
    We are a happy couple, who share chores and there is element of bdsm in our life. However when it comes to our sexual life, I call the shots. My husband is always kept aroused and anticipating his next release not knowing the frequency, place, time and occasion. It keeps him focussed and alert upon me.
    Just want to share with readers that we can control our men, without corporal punishment or slavery. However firm resolve is a MUST. A wife must also know how to comfort her man when he is near breaking point.
    Love
    Asha

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  3. Wonderful comment and insight Asha! This will only get more mainstream when more people see that male chastity can stand on its own without corporal punishment or kink, and truly fulfill both sides in a marriage. I am sure it is great with those aspects as well, but is certainly not required. This is a journey for both men and women and your man is lucky to have a women with your resolve, perseverance, and nurturing nature. It was and is an emotional roller coaster for me also, but I can’t deny the positive effects on nearly every aspect of my life, my work, my marriage, and my family. I could not be happier with my loving wife managing my release and helping me to be the best I can be. If the journey was not a challenge it would not be worth doing.

  4. Great post, great comments, and spot on by everyone.
    It is the teasing and attention that keeps him motivated to please her. And that brings many tangential rewards to both. It’s also her resolve to recognize that the best path is not to “give in”, but to choose when, how, and if he gets time out of the cage, and any orgasms/release.

    I think my wife worries that she is being “too mean” to me, as well as she enjoys the feeling of my orgasm inside her. Of course, despite my desire to release, what I really want is her to say no…making love, or being teased, and then locked up without a release is sure to keep me focused on her – and making sure she has plenty of orgasmic pleasures. And the tenderness, closeness, etc is far greater. And the never knowing when…amazing.

    When life gets in the way, and I am allowed to “run free”, I miss the cage, and the focus on her. Fortunately, I can get back into the right mindset after only a day or two.

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