All About Her · Getting Started · Having Fun With It

The Training Wheels Are Off

We’ve been using the cage as a relationship tool for well over a year now. We should have celebrated an anniversary for it. ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰ What would you call it, cage day? Check out my previous blog when do the training wheels come off for some background or just keep reading and I’ll try and fill you in.

What has our biggest improvement been? What is the absolute number one thing that the cage has brought to our relationship? Communication. For some reason this little hunk-o-plastic that my fella wears allows him to express himself and his feelings. We don’t do it for some fetish reason, we play into the fetishes sometimes to enjoy the feelings that it gives both of us. Sexual play is fun, teasing is essential but we both know it is just play. Our relationship is strong and the foundation of communication shows up when the cage is present is uncanny.

Does he like the cage? No, he doesn’t love the cage. He has been wearing it off and on for over a year, our lockup periods are about a week at a time. I tease him mercilessly during that time. He is allowed to ejaculate with permission at the end of those lockup periods. Part of his disdain for the cage is probably related to the fact that I do still use it as a punishment sometimes. Previously, I’ve written that the cage should just be a way of life and not used to counteract bad behavior but I’m guilty of it and as such, he groans when I tell him that it is time for lockup. I’ve also rewarded him with weeks of time cage-free when his behavior and communication are good. Have I sabotaged the cage? Unfortunately, I have.

So where do we go from here? Well, the cage has done an excellent job of getting him accustomed to waiting for permission to cum. It has eliminated the masturbation habit and problem that plagued our early relationship. A year has really rewired his arousal to require my approval. He doesn’t fear me but he respects my wishes. He respects my guidance around the sexual side of our relationship. He knows that my hormones don’t overwhelm my judgment as they can with him.

For the time being, we are going to roll without the cage. All of the rules are still in place, everything is effectively the same. We are just going to give it another try. In my previous blog, and in the forum I went through a list of pros and cons and there were far more pros to using the cage than cons but I trust Kevin and I think this will be yet another adventure together. If he betrays my trust, we will, of course, need to go back to the cage. He knows this and has committed himself to our plan together.

So how does this change the direction of the blog? How does life change without lockup periods? The good news is, there is no change to anything in our lives. He is still locked up in that he simply isn’t allowed to touch and I trust him not to do so. He knows that if he betrays my trust, he is to tell me immediately and we will figure out how to address it. I feel like we started off strong, went all the way to corporal punishment and spanking. Which we both enjoyed for a spell but it didn’t add to the relationship, it was more fetish play and role reversal. We didn’t find it to be a tool that would effectively help us manage our relationship. Now we’ve come all the way back to managing his ejaculations with trust. Would it have been possible without a year’s worth of cage training? Absolutely not. The cage has proven invaluable and will continue to sit inside my nightstand for the next time that we need to use it.

The biggest challenge that I see is the formal lack of control. Without the lock, he has the ability to disobey my wishes and I am relying on him to continue to comply. The cage and the key still have a very real effect on both of us. The key means strength, power, love, control and to him, the key means submission, love, acceptance, service. The symbolism of the key in our relationship means so much that I’ve always worn a key necklace regardless of whether he is locked or not. It symbolizes our relationship and not the physical presence of his cage. It means so much more.

What do you think?

13 thoughts on “The Training Wheels Are Off

  1. Emma I think kevin is intelligent man and he understands how much your relationship and your sexual life improved with semen retention.Comunication and trust is the key to successful relationship,man who respects, honours,cares about his woman won’t dare to dissapoit his beloved lady.”Respect yourself and others will respect you.” You are intelligent, beautiful,smart,strong willed,confident woman. Men who don’t retain are weak men,he abuse himself and his woman,he doesn’t love and care about her.Women are not dolls for ejaculation .He is just egoist and ignorant primitive man. Woman blossoms with man who retains,she reveals her true nature.Don’t let men abuse and degradate you. Men be gentlemen’s love,treasure and respect your dear women.They merit it.
    Do you think to extend Kevin’s retention period,or you think one week is enough.What improved in Kevin during this year of semen retaintion under your supervision?
    Thanks

    1. Thank you. Everything about his behavior improved but at his core, he is the same guy that I fell in love with. That’s the magic here. He just learned to show his appreciation rather than allow his body to rule and sabotage the relationship that we have build together. So many couples fall victim to a poisoned relationship due to the man allowing his hormones to overtake his interaction with his partner.

      We do one to two weeks for a retention period and that works well for us. Depending on his behavior and my mood, we go longer or shorter. Here is a blog related to frequency that you might find interesting. https://evolvingyourman.com/2018/12/29/ejaculation-frequency/

  2. I am impressed that you are working with your man on this journey, but Emma, it sounds like you want a pet more than a man. It also indicates deep-seated fears you have of men who can make their own choices. I would hate to think that this is the future of relationships because I guarantee women also need to be evolved. We are seeing this trend in movements like MGTOW and “PussyPassDenied”. It is a growing recognition that women in control of society often are not as good as men in the same roles — hence the reason patriarchy is so tenacious. Modern women are entitled, unable to stick to anything and lacking basic skills like frugality — do a google search on which gender has the most consumer debt. This is the result of years of feminist indoctrination. Blaming men for the breakdown in relationships is like blaming gasoline for the existence of cars.

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    1. With previous blog titles such as “Successful Relationships are 50/50”, I’ve tried to make it abundantly clear that I value him as an equal. He is making a decision to be here and every single thing he does in our relationship is consensual. Relationships are what you make of them and whatever makes them happy should be their normal.

      I agree that typically women are better suited for different roles. In this blog, I point out many differences between men and women. At a biological level, women are wired differently than men. I wouldn’t agree that women are “better” than men but I would say that when women take the lead in the relationship, both partners are usually happier and more fulfilled. I am by no means trying to marginalize men in the workplace, there has been no mention of women taking control of finances.

      To that point, I am not blaming men for the breakdown in relationships, I am providing tools to help your relationship more successful if you choose to take them. I hope that you continue reading but I understand that this may not be the right journey for everyone.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Jordan. Can you elaborate on what scares you about this sort of relationship? It can certainly seem scary at first but the benefits to your relationship will be incredible. Then again, it isn’t right for everyone.

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      1. Emma, in my relationship experience, women usually do not want to take the lead role in regulating men’s sexual behavior. You are a trailblazer in that regard. I would love to hear more women speak up on this topic. I find it curious that it is usually the men on this blog who speak of their enforced chastity. It actually feels a bit like “topping from the bottom” as we used to call it in BDSM.

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        1. You are totally correct but it is usually a catch 22 because women typically don’t feel comfortable initiating sex because of gender role stigma. BUT they are in the awkward position of denying their man’s sexual advances which can make them feel awkward or resentful. The role of sex for women in the typical gender role can be both confusing and uncomfortable.

          Throwing gender roles out the window can be uncomfortable too but the discomfort is only temporary. This is actually an interesting topic for a future blog but I’ll need to do some research on gender roles as it relates to sexual experience. Thank you!

          1. As you point out in this blog entry, the key represents so much to the two of you. It sounds a bit like what Ronald Reagan termed “trust, but verify.” I am intrigued at how you seem a bit apprehensive about him going without the cage. If I were strictly a scientist, which in some ways I am, I might observe that the cage has the net effect of reducing the number of times he has orgasms per year. And regardless of all the stated reasons, it appears to also have the net effect of keeping two partners in better alignment in terms of sexual desire. But I would also note that sometimes it is the women who think with their vaginas and want sex more than their husbands. Which implies a chastity belt may be needed for errant females, too.

  3. Good for you and kevin, Emma.
    I hope he lives up to your expectations.
    Once the masturbation habit is broken closeness and intimacy follow. Or at least they have in my two and a half years of cage free chastity.
    My wife and I have never been more intimate in the 25 years weโ€™ve been together than we have been in the last two.

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