I’d first like to thank Ruined-Julie for contributing this post. Full disclosure, Kevin and I tried the ruined orgasm and it didn’t work well for us. Julie’s writing certainly makes me want to give it another try. I did some quick editing but not too much. Thanks again Julie!
The “ruined orgasm” is a sexual technique that provides intense sensations that you can use in the bedroom to send your partner into sexual ecstasy. It is also, without a doubt, the least understandable technique and is largely under-used to bring even more pleasure to both partners.
This post is primarily intended for women, but gentlemen, you are also invited to read it (and if you like it, then I encourage you to pass it on to your wife, partner or girlfriend). I hope this post will correct some of the misconceptions about the “ruin” of male orgasm, convince you to try it (tonight for example), and help you learn how to achieve it properly. Even if you don’t succeed the first few times the learning process alone is intensely fun for both of you and once you learn to perform things correctly the reward will surprise you.
Its name is misleading: it’s still an orgasm!
I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant, something you would do to someone you don’t really love. Presumably, you love your man. You want him to be happy. Orgasms make him happy and you like to give him big and wonderful orgasms. Why would you want to “ruin” his orgasms? It doesn’t make any sense.
The name is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It is not ruined (in the sense of annihilating, spoiling) at all! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking!
The orgasm called “ruined” is a special kind of climax, reached in a very specific way, which triggers a slightly different sequence of physical, emotional and hormonal reactions in his body. He or she will experience the “ruined” orgasm in a profoundly different way than a “classic” orgasm. For a man who is used to receiving and expecting a “classic” orgasm (i.e. all men), the sudden surprise of new, unexpected and different sensations could be mistaken for disappointment. I think that’s where the term “ruined” comes from. He hopes for a very specific fantastic sensation, but you give him a slightly different (but still fantastic) feeling instead, and his irrational instinctive reaction may be frustration.
A bit like when you’re enjoying a chocolate and expect it to be filled with caramel. And when you bite into it, you discover that it’s actually filled with delicious strawberries. You were expecting something specific, but at the last second you get something different. Your instinctive reaction might be disappointment, yet you love caramel as much as you love strawberries. Your disappointment or frustration is a subjective response related to the discrepancy between your expectations and reality. Your brain and taste buds were at that very moment conditioned to taste a caramel-filled chocolate. In the end, it’s strawberry chocolate. Are you going to say that the chocolate wasn’t delicious? Does that mean the chocolate was ruined? Of course not!
Since the first time your man discovered that he could even give himself pleasure (spoiler alert: many years before he met you), his brain has been conditioned to expect a very specific sequence at orgasm. Men don’t naturally ruin their orgasms. And, assuming your man has known other women before you, chances are he has never had a ruined orgasm. Couples don’t usually have male ruined orgasms during “typical”, “classic” sex. So, chances are your man has never experienced the sensations you are about to offer him. His pleasure centers are deeply waiting for the “caramel”, while you are about to give him “strawberries”. He won’t be able to help but be surprised by the “taste,” even if you tell him he’s coming. Is the “strawberry” unpleasant? Of course not! The “strawberry” will be fantastic! It will just be different.
So please don’t be embarrassed or sorry to ruin your man’s orgasm! The word “ruin” has so many negative connotations. It’s a terrible word compared to what actually happens. It is a terrible word in relation to what is actually happening, discouraging couples in love from trying this wonderful technique. I did not choose this appellation “ruined orgasm”, and for lack of a more appropriate expression, this technique must be named.
I am telling you: concentrate on the word “orgasm”. Orgasms are unequivocally fantastic! You affectionately offer him a special orgasm! This is an excellent thing. You wonder what’s so special about it?
Ruined orgasm = prolonged pleasure
I’ll explain later how to achieve a ruined orgasm. But first, why? What is the advantage of a “ruined” orgasm compared to a “classic” orgasm?
A ruined orgasm triggers a slightly different sequence of physical, emotional and hormonal reactions in the male body. This is all involuntary. It’s a reflex common to all men. Just like a “classic” orgasm, he can’t control it. After a “classic” orgasm, a man goes through a refractory period during which he loses his erection and sexual arousal. Conversely, during a “ruined” orgasm, the man does not experience this refractory period, he retains his erection, his sexual arousal is intact or even amplified, and he will have a strong desire to have sex.
Wow! He manages to have an orgasm… followed immediately by NO MORE pleasure! MORE SEX! That’s a fucking advantage!
Explanation of the physical effect
In a “classic” orgasm, the man reaches a peak of pleasure that triggers an explosion in his body and causes ejaculation, followed by a period of rest and recovery, this is the refractory period. The powerful muscle contractions and violent jolts of his sex eject the sperm in bursts from his penis. Then his tail loses its vigour, his whole body enters a phase of rest and recovery. From that moment on, it’s over, no more sex for you or him.
During a “ruined” orgasm, the man reaches a peak of pleasure, on the verge of orgasm, which does not trigger this explosion in his whole body. It is not triggered, because the physical stimulation expected during the peak of pleasure is absent (we will talk about this later). Weak contractions of the muscles that usually contribute to ejaculation will try to “pump” the semen out of her body. Instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows effortlessly down the penis. He feels sensations that run all over his body, which are markedly different from a “classic” orgasm, but still intensely pleasurable. Importantly, the point of “sexual satisfaction” is never reached. He has an orgasm, he “unloads” a little semen, but he still has a feeling of “unfinished business”. It’s still hard as a rock, and he wants more. He NEEDS more. Your evening is just beginning…
How do you ruin your man’s orgasm?
The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him sexually and physically (masturbation, blowjob, penetration…) exactly seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his penis and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!
Seems easy, in theory at least. In practice, it is much more complicated. For one thing, the time to reach the point of no return is never constant. It depends on many parameters such as the degree of arousal, the last ejaculation, fatigue, alcohol consumption, state of mind… On the other hand, ruined orgasm is an art – rest assured, an art that remains accessible. There is a huge difference between a good ruined orgasm and a great ruined orgasm. To fake your man’s brain and give him the intense experience of a real ruined orgasm, you need to know his body inside out.
Study, learn and know his specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signs. Identify the moments in the sequence when you can continue the stimulation to bring him further up to his peak and the precise moment when you must instantly interrupt the stimulation, at the risk of triggering a “classic” orgasm. The tense muscles, the arched back, the moaning, the pulsation of his cock, the acceleration of his breathing, the retraction of his balls… are signs that he is close to orgasm and that his body is preparing for ejaculation. Observe him closely while you give him pleasure. Study, analyze and learn about your man!
The right time
The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. A common idea is to stop at the last possible second. Which can be a mistake! On the one hand, you may not necessarily be giving her the best ruined orgasm, and on the other hand there is a good chance you will miss your goal. In that case, don’t be sorry: it will still be an orgasm, but you can do better.
Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his penis with weak contractions and weak pulsation of his cock.
Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!
This little moment will seem like a fucking eternity to him. With a lot of practice on your man, you’ll be able to prolong this floating moment as long as possible.
It’s through practice that one becomes a blacksmith…
With your partner and good communication, you can learn how to find the perfect moment together. Start by asking him to announce to you, out loud, when he reaches what he thinks is the point of no return. Stop all stimulation and let him go at that moment (the urge to continue will be VERY strong, you must resist).
The problem is: he is in a trance of intense pleasure (thanks to you). So, he is not the most reliable person at the moment. To find his true point of no return, you must study the sequence of physical reactions that occur in his body in the precious seconds before he warns you. So to learn and master this technique you have no choice but to grope. Keep in mind, that it is better to stop too early than too late: if you stop too early, nothing will happen. That’s okay. After a short break (15 – 30 seconds), you can resume your stimulation and start looking for the right moment again. However, if you stop too late, you will cause a “classic” orgasm. Again, nothing dramatic. If you fail, it doesn’t matter, you will have given her a “classic” orgasm. It is always nice for him to receive and for you to give, an orgasm. Before you succeed in giving him a ruined orgasm, it is very likely that you will fail several times, take the opportunity to learn from your “mistakes” and to perfect your technique.
Night after night, gradually work your way up this chain of reactions by stopping earlier and on your own initiative without waiting for his indications, until you find the point where he doesn’t reach orgasm at all. Then, gradually and very carefully work your way forward again, until you find the point where there are 5 to 15 seconds, without any stimulation, before the semen flows uncontrollably. Then test the moment you have identified again and make tiny variations around this moment until you have determined the best time to stop your stimulation.
Congratulations! You now know how to ruin your man’s orgasms – you know how to make him “ejaculate” with maximum pleasure, without ending your night of pleasure – you know how to fuck him totally and completely in the best possible way! When he comes to his senses, I promise you that he will thank you with admiration and love in his big, exhausted eyes.
Did you enjoy Julie’s contribution? If so, tell her in the comments below.