Can you imagine walking into a relationship counselor for couples counseling. Let me set the scene; a strip-mall office, some counseling degrees hanging on the wall, fake ficus trees, fragrant odor of a glade plug in air freshener, leather couch. You get the idea. Now imagine that you and your partner walk into the office, the counselor beckons you to sit on the couch at the far side of the room while she sits across from the both of you. You both air your grievances, the counselor nods in agreement several times as you both explain your woes. You both look in agreement as you expect the counselor to spout some words of wisdom that will undoubtedly clear up years of resentment and sexual frustration. You both move to the edge of the couch, eagerly waiting for the kernel of knowledge and wisdom that will offer clarity and prevent an imminent breakup or divorce. She wheels her chair back to her desk, reaches down and picks up two nondescript bags. She hands one to you and one to your partner. The one for you, the female is larger and somewhat unwieldy. The one for your male partner is smaller and you can hear a metallic clacking noise. You open your bag to see a strap-on harness and he opens his to find a metal chastity cage. You both look at each other in confusion and then at the counselor. The counselor pulls a third item from her desk, a microphone. She stands up, drops the microphone and says “we are done here, give your insurance to the receptionist”.
Imagine that couple is you and your partner and the utterly unqualified and incompetent counselor is me. I listen to your woes and offer something that despite being thousands of years old is not sanctioned as a relationship management tool of any kind. Am I a quack doctor? Nope. I am not a doctor at all. I am someone that you met on the internet that gives information and offers a unique perspective on how to manage a modern relationship.
I have about a hundred partially written blog post drafts and seldom choose one of them for my daily posting. Some of them are simply titles while others are nearly completed. My mind wandered and I started to think about what topics I select to post on this blog. If I am wondering, I am sure a few of you are too.
I write about topics that I think will make people’s lives and relationships better. I see friends fighting with their significant others and often times don’t feel that I am able to step in. This is partially due to my methods existing on the fringe of what is deemed to be normal. Today I decided to step back and look at what I’ve posted over the last couple of years. The site started as a WordPress blog in March of 2018 and moved to it’s very own domain in February of 2019. This is thanks in part to all of your involvement and willingness to discuss intimate details about your lives. If I was simply sharing my journey, it would be pretty boring. Each of you bring a unique perspective to the site and I am grateful.
The often select the title of a blog before I start writing it and find the content of the blog veering off in some unintended direction. Welcome to the depths of my mind. The question today, is why do I write about orgasm control, pegging, gender roles, sexuality and relationship balance?
These topics fascinate me and they are generally ignored by everything that is mainstream. They exist on the fringe of what is considered acceptable by today’s standards. Let’s look at each one individually.
This topic has existed for thousands of years and exists in many forms. There is a reddit group called NoFap that is dedicated exclusively to the elimination of male PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm). The group has found a hidden gem, a cheat code of sorts for the male mind. They have identified the same elixir that I peddle but they use it in a different context.
NoFap™ is a community-centered sexual health platform, designed to help you overcome porn addiction, porn overuse, or compulsive sexual behavior. We’re here to help you quit or reduce porn use, improve your relationships, and reach your sexual health goals. We’re science-based, secular, and sex-positive.NoFap.com
The challenge for men is that they are wired to seek orgasm. NoFap is the exact opposite of how they are wired. The constant onslaught of sexualization in our society is so incredibly successful because of how men are wired. Women aren’t immune but female masturbation carries far fewer negative side effects due to the way we are wired.
Controlling your orgasms has enormous list of positive side effects. Orgasm control as a partnered experience creates a gamified that directly enhances your relationship quality.
Pegging & Gender Roles
Think about the 1950s and 1960s for a moment with the imposed gender roles of the housewife and working husband. For those of you old enough, think of television shows that represent the 1950s era such as Leave it to Beaver, The Andy Griffith Show and The Brady Bunch. These shows reinforced a dynamic of the man going to work and providing for his family while the woman stayed at home cooking, cleaning and socializing.
In my opinion, pegging takes the entire 1960s culture and flips it on its backside. I’ve said it elsewhere on this blog but pegging is 90% psychological and 10% physical. From the moment that I strap a toy on, I feel different. The act is wonderful and shows an intimate side of men that they are told is wrong. Society’s adage that a man shouldn’t be in touch with his feelings is inherently wrong. We are all humans and emotions are a part of our human condition. In an instant, pegging opens those floodgates of emotion. This physical act is so incredibly sensual that it necessitates the expression of feelings and opens doors of communication that years of counseling struggle to do.
Sexuality & Relationship Balance
We are all motivated by many things. Human motivation is an incredible thing to learn about. One of the things most influential to our motivation is hormones. Hormonal levels can push you in all sorts of directions and make you euphoric, depressed or any combination of emotions. There are articles about using hormones to succeed at work or stories about women having strange food cravings while feeling “hormonal”. Tapping in to your hormonal balance is a cheat code to allow you to attain a symbiotic relationship with your partner that is devoid of sexual balance issues. Acknowledge your hormonal cycle during your period and acknowledge his hormonal cycle during and between orgasms. Seek understanding with each other and constantly learn about this human condition that we all share.
That’s my self introspective. What do you think?