Having Fun With It

Moving In

For those of you that haven’t been following the blog religiously for the last few months, I’ll catch you up to speed on the recent developments in my life. Kevin and I met a neighbor named Andrew and we’ve taken quite a liking to him. At this point, I affectionately call him “a boyfriend”. I call Kevin “my boyfriend” and while the difference is mere semantics, it is a world of difference to me. Kevin is my partner and Andrew is a fun distraction. Kevin and I do plan to get married at some point, I just don’t like the word fiancé because it invokes questions about some future as-yet-undetermined date for the requisite ceremony.

Over the past few weeks, conversation about moving in together has turned from lighthearted to somewhat serious. We finally had a discussion after celebrating Taco Tuesday on Tuesday evening while devouring a huge Taco Bell taco party pack. This post is in no way sponsored by Taco Bell but if anyone from taco bell is reading, I’m not opposed to it!

Tacos and their crunchy goodness aside, we’ve really started discussing moving in together. We both know this isn’t a forever thing. Andrew doesn’t plan to live in this state forever but Kevin and I plan to stay here, at least for a while. Andrew currently plans to move to the east coast in late February for a job opportunity that is expected to develop for him.

Moving in means lots of things, most notable is our personal space and my one on one time with Kevin. We both do enjoy spending time with Andrew, mine in the physical sense and all of us in the friendship sense. The sleeping arrangements would be one bed which I do enjoy for our sleepovers a couple times a week but I wonder if I would grow weary of it. Would the novelty wear off after some time? I am a cuddler for sure and there is no shortage of cuddles with this situation.

We live in a one bedroom and no two bedroom apartments are currently available in our building or the other one nearby. Andrew was able to rent an inexpensive garage in this complex. That means he wouldn’t be moving a tremendous amount of his stuff into our place. All of his furniture and most of his boxes would just go into the garage.

Kevin and I are talking about it and we don’t need to make a decision for another couple weeks. I know this would be jumping into things if this was planned to be a permanent thing or a poly triad but it isn’t that. Kevin and I are making a list of pros and cons to help guide our decision. Make no mistake, this is one of those life decisions that we will be making together.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last couple days. What have you been thinking about?

Update 9/22/20 – Andrew moved in last night and we are going to give things a week to see how things go. I will give you all an update soon. I’ve been quiet around here as we are trying to get settled and sort things out.

Update 10/3/20 – We’ve had a good run with Andrew for the last week and a half. The garage rental situation didn’t really pan out due to the apartment people being dumb. We had planned to store most of Andrew’s things in a rented garage and now we’ve had to try to fit all of his stuff into our apartment. Now our computer desk situation leaves something to be desired so I haven’t been able to update the blog. Doing so with my phone or tablet wouldn’t work for me. We are hoping to have things squared away in the next few days. I’ve been writing some blog ideas down on paper. Crazy, right? So I’ll have lots of fresh new ideas once we get the moving in thing sorted out. So far so good with Andrew though. We are having a great time and it sure is interesting that it coincided with Locktober.

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Vikter

That would be a huge life change, it be hard to pull back from quickly if anyone felt like it was not what they hoped. Not that I am saying that would be the case, and I’m sure that’s come up. Just my outside view 2 cents that the usual recovery technique would be hard to pull off. I hope whatever you choose does work out.

I have mostly thinking about the shift in perspective of how I view chastity as a game verse semen retention as the goal. Mostly that what I initially attributed to enjoying about chastity is in fact more the benefits of retaining for my wife. I never really needed the help putting my wife first, I have always been her support, what I was lacking was the energy to follow through with my own intention. That was from whacking it waaaayyyyy too much. Which was causing depression and a sexual imbalance that neither of us really enjoyed.

That’s about where I am at, good place growing slightly I feel.

Vikter

I enjoy the mechanics of it being enforced by my wife, that part is pretty firmly in place. We are definitely more in the FLR camp than you and Kevin are though, because of our family dynamic that is almost a given. I am just starting to appreciate the real benefits for my own personal health. At the moment I know I could not maintain this course without the strength of my partner. Maybe one day I will, but even then I like the feeling of a cage…

subhubphx

How exciting! I was wondering how things were going in the “Andrew” department. I don’t recall seeing seeing much being said about that since your blog post since the Having Fun With it: Only Two Players. I hope didn’t miss anything. Clearly things seem to be advancing nicely for everyone involved knowing that there are sleepovers a few times a week. The obvious hurdle for you (and Kevin and Andrew) might be whether or not each of you can have the sometimes necessary “alone time”, be that you alone, or you/Kevin or you/Andrew in your respective “a boyfriend” and “my boyfriend. Like my friend Vikter said, I hope whatever you choose works out for the betterment of all involved. You’re the perfect maestro to conduct that orchestra.

Otherwise, I’ve been thinking about the increased benefits of the very basic ingredient that you always pound the table about. Communication! My wife and I have been better communicating in the most wonderful ways possible the last few weeks, and we are both loving every minute of it. Part of that communication includes me telling her about your blog (and one or two others, but mostly yours) and the philosophies of it. Chastity, retention, orgasm control, communication, and even ethical non-monogamy, which is a topic that we rarely if ever talk about.. Being involved in this wonderful site has done wonders for me/us in the communication department. Thanks Emma!

subhubphx

Thanks for the kind words on our communication muscles.

Well lately I haven’t needed much more than Evolving Your Man. But I’ve been a longtime viewer of “Femdom Think Tank”. The owner of that site (Mz Kaylee) is a lot like you … super cool woman, smart, intelligent, writes very well and is unapologetic for the things she believes deeply in, yet super respectful to (nearly) everyone that ventures in. It is pointed a little more in the FLR/WLM direction with a variety of topics, many of which are very similar to your core beliefs such as chastity, retention, orgasm control, along with several kinks that are typically discussed with your members.

Coincidentally, 2 days, she posted a blog that I think you may enjoy very much, entitled “Sex Redefined For The Submissive”. I don’t want to wrongly presume that including a link to that blog post is appropriate. If you would like me know, let me know.

Brian

Hi Emma,

While my marriage was an awesome FLR, I am a switch and in a prior relationship, I had a female version of Andrew. While everything was great with all of us at first, the more I slept with her, the closer we became which ended up becoming an issue for the Kevin of my relationship. In the end we separated from the Andrew, but it was needlessly messy because I slipped up on communication and didn’t have a good exit strategy that honored the Kevin or the Andrew of my relationship. You guys sound a lot more mature than I was but I thought I’d offer that experience. Hope you don’t mind.

Whats on my mind these days? Its been a little over three years since my wife passed and I feel things moving along. I’m moving to another state, restarting my business, and while I’m not looking for another relationship at the moment, I do think about it, what form it might take. Another FLR? Chastity? Retention? What would I do differently?

Retention will definitely have to come along. I’ve come to see it almost like exercise. Its something one needs to do to stay healthy and when I don’t do it, it doesn’t take long for the effects to be felt.

On top of that, I really like having my partner control the orgasm side of things. It plays in nicely with the power imbalance that to me, brings an inherent stability and openness to relationships.

Yea, so anyways, fun things to think about 🙂

Brian

Emma,

Just read your post Newness. My post not needed at all. You guys are on top of this. 🙂

SubScott

Has there been any discussion or temptation for Andrew to be caged in the event of him moving in?

Vikter

I’m not sure that anyone is suggesting a long term kind of thing for Andrew, I certainlyam not. As you said that is not what your relationship is about with him.

However I don’t think you could deny that it would be fun, and very unique (even more so than your current situation) to have two men simultaneously locked for you even if only for a month.

DianeJ

I’ve had two “ethical non-monogamous” relationships (to subhubphx: I love that term :)) and though my lovers have spent many a night sleeping over in my marital bed (yes, it’s cuckolding), neither one ever moved in. At times they’ve stayed for a few nights but we have a large home with plenty of space, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. to give everyone their space. I know this isn’t a long term thing you’re looking at, but I’d concerned about the cramped quarters. Either way, wishing you the best!

Diane

subhubphx

to DianeJ: Glad you like it.

timothysawthers

I’m really curious about the power dynamics here. I know Kevin is your partner (fiancé) here and holds the higher position emotionally to you, but on the other hand he remains caged while your lover (boyfriend) is allowed to have sex with you and ejaculate during intercourse without the restrictions (in at least two cases, maybe more, while Kevin remains caged).

As a man that would make you feel like the Alpha male (at the very least sexually). How would this dynamic play out in a poly relationship (even if temporary) and a new living arraignment)?

timothysawthers

I don’t think you doing anything wrong in this situation as you are holding fast to your original principle of why you don’t allow Kevin to ejaculate during intercourse. This is an opportunity to have these ideals tested in the fire to see if you and Kevin really believe in the as being a part of viable relationship dynamics.

I asked because I was genuinely curious what Kevin does or says after one of these sessions where he is present and watches another man be able to have that release knowing he must go back in his cage without it.

I know you said he may be working on a post of his own and I would love to hear his thoughts while the feelings are still fresh.

mstara

Three people in a very small apartment for any length of time sounds like purgatory to me. Add in the present sexual dynamic and it’ll either be the most exciting thing you’ve ever done or a disaster.
I can’t wait to hear how this unfolds and I wish you luck, I hope it turns out to be the former.

mstara

Forgive me for being a little dim here, but would the plan be for you all to sleep in the same bed all the time?
Just thinking about when you’d get some individual time with either Andrew or Kevin.
If not how would Andrew feel about sleeping on the couch? I know that Kevin has already experienced being outside the bedroom while you were inside with Andrew and I assume you’ve worked through all those issues now.
Sorry – for ever the practical one!

subhubphx

Yeah, I thought about this some more and some things occurred to me that I hadn’t thought through in my initial excited response. I’m still excited for you, but I wonder; Too much of a good thing perhaps? I worry (hate that word worry) about the cramped quarters and the magnifying effect it would likely have and every little potential negative thought that will occur in the minds of one or all of you from time to time for various reasons, not necessarily even related to the sexual dynamic relative to who is restricted and who is not.

May I ask … once the idea of Andrew moving was lightheartedly considered in the beginning, what and/or who is the energy behind making it a reality? There’s an old risk/reward saying … “Is the juice worth the squeeze?” that is apropos in most situations were potential obvious danger exists. With Andrew living in the same complex, it seems like any or all of you can have as much juice as you want currently without much squeeze necessary. Andrew could effectively “move in” right now (the juice) without removing the comfort and safety net of the ripcord and parachute (the squeeze) for any of y’all that exists because Andrew currently lives somewhere else. For all intents and purposes, Andrew moving in means to Kevin (and Emma and Andrew) that there now isn’t the opportunity to end things without the practicable burden of having to wait for Andrew to then find another new place to live. In other words, it’s not the same as just deciding not to have him over when fun in desired.

I know that living vicariously through you and this story could cast me in a light of being judgmental by projecting the concerns I might have if I were Kevin or in Kevin’s shoes. Please don’t think I’m being judgment or disapproving. For whatever it is worth, I promise I am not. Thank you for sharing this and obviously looking forward to more updates as they happen.

Herma

Emma, perhaps you enjoy pushing boundaries. But what about your guys? Can Andrew stay over for a few days before he cancels his lease?

subhubphx

One thing you might notice is that the conversation between Kevin and I didn’t happen until Andrew left.”

I believe I was operating on the assumption that the consideration for asking Andrew to move in was exclusive between you and Kevin presently, although admittedly I wasn’t entirely sure because I was only assuming that to be the case. The private communication between you and Kevin will certainly change, and perhaps even suffer given the fact that Andrew would be now actually living in the very space that is sacred to Kevin and you.

Perhaps a trial run … without the permanent irreversible decision of Andrew’s home actually being the one you share with Kevin? Would it would be like deciding walk a high wire that only ends when Andrews moves to east coast, but consciously deciding to remove the safety net first? I guess that all depends on what each of the three of you want out of such a decision, individually and collectively.

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us Emma.

jd

Hi Emma,
I tend to agree with much of the caution that has been articulated by others already. I’d imagine that the exchange of chastity/male orgasm control for intimacy/pleasure that generates happiness and satisfaction will be more difficult for you and Kevin to maintain without private space and private time that you two have likely enjoyed and possibly taken for granted. It seems like it might be a recipe for resentment for Kevin and stress for you. That this may be mitigated by Andrew’s likely departure for a new job in a few months is likely the case but what happens if the job prospect that is just over the horizon doesn’t come to fruition. I think it could get quite sticky then. If you and Kevin have sufficiently different reactions to the new living situation then working out your differences in the coming months will be freighted with the question of where will Andrew now live and informed by your relative willingness to inconvenience Andrew.

If it were me, and it isn’t…..I can’t even really imagine it, though I enjoy imagining… I’d simply clear out a drawer in a dresser and some space in the closet in your apartment for A so he feels like longer stays are an option if that’s what you all want.

As always, thanks for sharing

Best regards,

JD

dharmaproject

I agree this is a big step but having a hard end date will help since everyone knows that it will stop and when it will stop. In the grand scheme of things, 4-5 months is nothing.

I can understand Kevin’s concerns as well as Emma’s but one of the things that I enjoy is the unfairness of chastity. Being reminded everyday that I’m not allowed to have free reign while another guy is really makes chastity and denial hotter.

subhubphx

“…but one of the things that I enjoy is the unfairness of chastity. Being reminded everyday that I’m not allowed to have free reign while another guy is really makes chastity and denial hotter.”

We each have our own desires. If this is the dynamic at play in Emma and Kevin’s world, then this is a perfect scenario.

Flrfollower

Hi Emma,
That’s definitely a very big step you have taken.
How will the new arrangement impact on things like your pegging routine? Or Kevin’s ejaculation schedule?