To me, a large penis fosters a purely physical connection while a small penis supports a level of closeness and intimacy. A large penis gives me anxiety and a gasp at what the heck I am even going to do with it. The small penis gives me a sense of admiration and adoration.
For the last year, I’ve been open about having two men in my life. One is larger and the other is somewhat smaller although they really are fairly similar in size and shape. One curves upwards more and the other has a slightly larger head. Can I tell them apart in the dark? Most of the time, yes. Does it really matter? Most of the time, no.
Despite being sized differently, both guys offer different styles of lovemaking. Kevin is more sensual and erotic with lots of foreplay, closeness, eye contact and a deep level of intimacy. Andrew on the other hand is a more physical connection with a shallower level of intimacy. A smaller penis is infinitely more suited to a gentle and intimate style of lovemaking. A larger penis is better suited for a more aggressive style of – lets call it what it is – fucking.
Having sex with a larger penis can leave you with discomfort or soreness that you may not feel with a more gentle guy. A smaller guy can feel like less of a penetrating object, he can be inside you and feel more complete with him inside. This can lead to long nights of lovemaking where he slides in and out with little regard for the logistics of the matter. Smaller penises feel good almost immediately where larger ones take some warming up before my body starts feeling pleasure. The hardware isn’t necessarily incompatible but it doesn’t work without a little bit of fiddling around.
Smaller guys work harder to make sure that you are satisfied, maybe he feels like he has something to prove. Giving head is easier and deepthroating is never a concern. Small penises are cute and I know Kev hates when I use that word for him but I’d much prefer something adorable than something intimidating. I want to cuddle up with it and not feel threatened or intimidated by him. Last but not least, anal sex is sooooo much easier with a small guy than a big fella.
If you’ve been on this site longer then five seconds, you know that I like my boy parts under lock and key. Smaller ones look better locked up, they are more comfortable for the wearer and less noticeable under clothing. That isn’t to say that you can’t lock a bigger one up but it might take some custom cage fitting to get one that is just right.
For guys who enjoy teasing (most guys) it is much more fun to tease about a small thing than a bigger one. A bigger one seems like a compliment where the small guy takes it as gentle teasing. Be careful before pushing things too far but lighthearted teasing can be fun if you both enjoy it and his reactions are priceless (in an attractively vulnerable way). Don’t cross any lines but gentle humiliation can be a fun relationship dynamic especially if he knows that he is smaller than a good subset of the male population. I like to tease him about it being small when he is soft but when he is hard, I am quick to compliment.
When I say smaller, exactly what I am calling a dinky winky and what am I calling a long dong? In my mind, a small one is 3-5 inches hard and a big one is bigger than that. Something smaller than that range isn’t what I am talking about here. Even with a smaller guy, there are lots of positions where you can still feel all of the action.
So what about some love for the big guys? Don’t get me wrong, I still love a big penis. A man with a beautiful penis regardless of size is gorgeous. A well endowed man with defined muscles yet not too muscular is an absolutely incredible turn on. I don’t know why our culture doesn’t appreciate the male form in the same way that it worships the female form. Our society associates a large penis with masculinity with strength and vitality and a smaller penis with weakness and impotence. My personal view is that society’s view is wrong and men with small to average sized penises are the ideal loving partners while the larger guys are great hookup material.
So let’s talk about the bigger guys. A good fucking is wonderful but it takes preparation; both mental and physical to get into a headspace where you can handle something larger. I enjoy it but there is always a level of apprehensiveness about an unexpected pain or god forbid a bruised cervix. Even a perfect encounter leaves you with the knowledge that you will be feeling quite sore the next day. As with the small/normal sized guys, there are positions that will help as well. But what about the guy attached to the penis? Guys with smaller penises aren’t as arrogant and are usually capable of sharing genuine feelings.
I realize that this entire blog has been a huge generalization. Some of the nicest guys I know have come in all different shapes and sizes so one size (pun intended) certainly doesn’t fit all but for the most part, this rings true for me and the experiences that I’ve had.
That’s just my two cents what about you?
Very interesting. It’s been many years since I measured mine (when I was an obsessed teenager) but I am thinking I am just on the bigger side according to your criteria. However, I find the idea of gentle teasing about being small really exciting. Being very much a grower, I am very small when soft, so maybe I have the best of both worlds! I think the important thing is to remember that there is not one perfect penis – it’s a case of different strokes for different folks (pun intended) and if penis size is causing an issue that there are different positions and techniques that can help.
I would imagine that being a grower it is difficult to find a cage that fits both when you are soft and when you are straining to be hard. I do think that your mental self-penis-image is more important than the actual measurement.
I have never actually tried a cage but that makes sense. Maybe I will find out one day, though it seems pretty unlikely at this stage. And you’re right, I remember seeing a video once about a cuckold couple where the guy was all excited about his wife having sex with a “real man” who was much bigger and I was thinking “but yours is just as big as his, if anything slightly bigger”! But all involved seemed happy so that was fine.
@Emma “I would imagine that being a grower it is difficult to find a cage that fits both when you are soft and when you are straining to be hard.”
Being a grower myself, it’s not really possible to find a cage that fits properly when flaccid and still be entirely comfortable when aroused. That said, like you stated in your blog about cage sizes, it is vital that the cage fit properly when soft. In other words, filling the cage completely. The ramifications of being confined in a properly fitted cage when getting aroused is part of the function of the cage … so there’s that.
OMG, Emma, you have such sexy attitudes! By your standard, I am on the border between big and small, but I get really turned on when my wife teases me that I have a small penis compared other guys she has had sex with. I have always felt a little insecure about the size of my penis, so I feel extremely vulnerable when my wife teases me about it, but feeling vulnerable is sexy to me. Being teased about one’s sexual insecurity, but feeling loved and valued at the same time, brings about an incredible feeling of closeness.
Thank you! I really like that last sentence.
Being teased about one’s sexual insecurity, but feeling loved and valued at the same time, brings about an incredible feeling of closeness.
Such great insight again Emma. I find it very humbling being a grower in my flaccid state. It is hard to be confident walking around the house naked while feeling and perceiving yourself as small. Fully hard I am close to 7 inches and my confidence soars in that state. It is truly two different worlds and states of mind for me.
I believe growers and certainly smaller penis gents make much better long term partners. Long term relationships take compromise and sacrifice. I think I would probably be a somewhat arrogant gent if I had a 5-6 inch shower dangling between my legs all the time. I know I would probably want to show it off to every woman I could. Monogamy, if that is the goal, would be nearly impossible.
Maybe that is the definition of “big dick energy” that everyone seems to talk about. I understand the attraction in the short term but can see the challenges in a long term relationship. Fascinating stuff.
I like your view on penis size. When I was growing up, there was a compition with the other boys about who had the largest penis. When I was older, I was ashamed of my penis size and found dating hard because my penis does not get very hard or large. Since I have found out about male chastity, I have found living with a small penis easier and it has given me comfort.
Size was a big infatuation when I was growing up also. We would talk about the sizes of boys that our friend-group had experiences with. I remember turning down a school dance invitation from a boy I liked because of a rumor that he had a small penis which turned out to have been completely fabricated. We live and we learn, that certainly wasn’t my finest moment.
Obsession with size is just a sexual maturity thing. Unless his size is way out on either side of the spectrum, size is rarely mentioned when my friends and I are talking. Stamina (or lack of) is discussed more often than size. Think about boobs, big boobs, small boobs. They do change the experience but they don’t define the experience completely.
I love that chastity has helped you feel more comfortable with your penis size. I would just caution against wanting to be locked because you tell yourself that you aren’t good enough. You are just fine as you are. Chastity just helps guide you in the right direction to be a better man.
My husband is of the smaller size and this blog describes my thoughts perfectly. Our relationship wasn’t built on large dick size and sexual prowess, is so much deeper and built on love, kindness and compassion. His dick happens to be smaller and I love him more for it. I guarantee his little guy formed his personality into the kind compassionate man that I fell in love with. The man is not defined by the size of his penis, a person is so much more than their sex organs! Thank you for another well written blog.
These thoughts by you Emma highlight the fact that women have widely varying ideas about what physical traits women find attractive in men. The commonly held “women like them big” rule does not always apply. General trends often make sense, but hard and fast rules do not.
I love penis conversations! Size matters!
It’s interesting that women have such a variety of preferences for penis size. I’m petite, and I like the biggest penis that does not hurt. My husband is 6.5″ long and has great girth. Although, his girth does make me sore the next day sometimes.
I like his length because even when I’m aroused, my vagina has to stretch to accommodate him. I love that sensation of being stretched as he’s filling me with his penis, but also the sensation of being spread by the girth (gulp!). During penetration, I feel like I’m engulfing him, not like he’s putting it in me. And, I do have to be very aroused to make this experience enjoyable, which is usually not a problem.
I also like to “get fucked” as opposed to just “fucking”. I love the feeling of accommodating and engulfing him, having my vagina stretched by him, while his weight is on me and I have little control over depth and thrusting. It gives me earth shattering, incredibly satisfying orgasms. Probably my favorite orgasm.
It’s also very satisfying during docking. I love the feeling of my vagina being completely full or stuffed full of his penis! Again, as much as possible without pain.
Size aside, I think shape is very important. I feel like the size and shape of my guy’s penis is what rubs me in all the right places, in just the right way, for me to have such enjoyable orgasms from intercourse.
That does not mean that I haven’t enjoyed a smaller penis in the past, or couldn’t enjoy a smaller penis more. But, I think it’s just as mental as physical. The more you love your guy, the less the size of his penis matters. My love for my guy just makes the little extra he has that much more enjoyable! Especially when he has a pretty penis as well!
I like the shape also. So much emphasis on size but that isn’t all! A pretty penis is well groomed and washed with nice smells and trimmed hair (please). A head that is bigger than shaft and circumcised is prettier.
Hello Emma,
This is a much interesting insight (no pun intended) and true-to-life account. You write about something that so many women talk about between them, but rarely to men.
The common knowledge is : not too small BUT NOT too big! Size does matter in both ways, the hardest for us guys, is to hear it. There are guys who hardly have sex with a woman due to the refusal of the latter to accommodate such a big tool.
Men tend to follow the cliché and brag about their dimensions, but many a woman can testify that a big one can prove some of a hurdle, physically and on the intimacy level.
I’m on the bigger side (nothing to brag about!) and, in my twenties and thirties, I used to be the kind of bangbang-wham thank you madam guy, self-assured that size would impress the lady and suffice to her satisfaction. Until one day, she said: « Have you heard about longer foreplay? »
It was an awakening!
I do believe this post conveys some truth and interesting insight, though I’m somewhat confused. If the two men you mentioned are “fairly similar in size and shape”, why is it that it takes significantly more preparation to accommodate the larger gentleman?