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Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member

I must confess that the post of @goldilocks on the forum incites me to write this one. I know that we are not here on a blog dedicated to cuckolding but I digress to talk about this practice which seems more or less closely related to male chastity.

Just like you goldilock, after reading Emma's last posts, Matt and I have discussed a lot about our own history and experiences. 

But hey, let's stop chatting and get to the heart of the matter.

Cuckolding what is it ?

Cuckolding or cuckold refers to a paraphilia and a form of female sexual domination in which a man is sexually aroused by the idea that his legitimate wife or girlfriend is having sex with another man (or even several) regularly or occasionally, while the husband must remain faithful to his wife or even abstain. As the husband is often very much in love with his wife, he accepts that she has one lover, or even several. Cuckolding can be practiced to different degrees. (Wikipedia)

It seems that this practice, contrary to what one might think, is very old and that it is a derivative of Candaulism (reference to King Candaule, whose existence cannot unfortunately be verified).

According to Maia Mazaurette (French journalist and sexologist) cuckolding is not based on indifference, but on compersion, the opposite of jealousy: it consists in rejoicing in the fulfilment that the sentimental or sexual partner also finds elsewhere.

It also seems that this fantasy is much more widespread among men than among women (different connection as Emma would say). From there to say that this is a purely masculine fantasy, there is only one step I wouldn't take, even if after a lot of research I haven't found a site dedicated to female cuckolding.

Different practices. 

I am not going to show here the different kinds of cuckolding that exist because it seems that the practices are as numerous as the practitioners.

Let's say in short that there is a soft cuckolding (where the partner is not belittled, humiliated) and a harder cuckolding (where the virility of the husband / boyfriend is clearly questioned in favor of that of the lover).

From fantasy to reality. 

This is for me the most interesting thing and the one on which I would like to have your feedback for those who have already embarked on this adventure.

According to Matt, he has always had this fantasy of cuckolding. It took me a long time to accept it and to let myself be tempted before experimenting this practice.

However the male psyche is strange because after the excitement phase comes for him a (big) phase of doubt. 

I confess that I really try to play the role of the cuckoldress with passion, not hesitating, as I have indicated in other posts, to romanticize my expeditions with my "friend" in order to satisfy my man's fantasy. I have, in all honesty, never taken more pleasure with another man than with my husband. There have been times when I have felt more excited (certainly the lure of novelty) but none of my lovers have ever taken me on a cloud that my husband hadn't reached before him. Yet, in his mind, the doubt persists and the inherent questioning and fears remain engraved in him until the excitement phase takes over again.

Hence my question. What interest do you gentlemen have in this practice. Is it a kind of masochism. Do you enjoy frightening yourselves with the idea of losing us ? I've often asked Matt about it and he's never had a concrete answer to that question.

Am I a cuckoldress ?

That's another question I ask myself. Strictly speaking, I can't deny being one. Yet I do not seem to recognise myself in the definition of that word. Then what is it? A polyamorous, a polyander (thank you Emma for introducing me to polyandry a few days ago). I don't think so either in the sense that I am not in love with the men I've been able to date. They are just friends with benefits. In any case, and although I can't deny that I enjoy it, I tried the cuckolding experience in the first place to satisfy a fantasy of my husband.

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Posted : 26/08/2020 4:58 am
subhubphx liked
Vikter
(@vikter)
Trusted Member

@Ruined-Julie

Hence my question. What interest do you gentlemen have in this practice. Is it a kind of masochism. Do you enjoy frightening yourselves with the idea of losing us ? I've often asked Matt about it and he's never had a concrete answer to that question.

First, at the moment my wife has not been with anyone else so this is a thought experiment for me. I would say my initial desire for her to take a lover was probably built on insecurity. I was still amazed I found such a wonderful person and being pessimistic about life in general felt it would be matter of time anyway. Better to face down a demon than to run or hide. I am definitely masochistic, I was an executive chef for almost a decade no one does that at the level I was with enjoying their own suffering.

With having to stress my thoughts in reality I cannot say whether I would be frightened of losing her now or not. But I do believe it would bring us closer together if we could keep communication open. The ultimate relationship crucible if you will.

I would also add that my interest in cuckolding predated any girlfriend or partner. I recall finding a story about a cuckold husband early on in puberty. It stuck around as a primary source for... well forever at this point lol. I prefer erotic stories for solo playing, my mental imaging is better than video. And it is easier to substitute people I want in the story. 

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Posted : 26/08/2020 6:46 am
Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member

Hi @vikter,

Great respect to you. My father was a executive chef for 20 years and I wish this life to no one 🤣 

From what I understand from the different exchanges I've had on the subject with Matt is that this fantasy was born at the beginning of our relationship and has more or less grown up with it.

When he was free to masturbate whenever he wanted, he started to imagine me with other men. And when that was no longer enough to satisfy his libido it seems that he imagined me with other men, but more talented than him (bigger sex, more enduring...). From what I could understand, this fantasy was a kind of escalation for him. He always needed more and more to feed his imagination.

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Posted : 26/08/2020 8:10 am
subhubphx and Vikter liked
Vikter
(@vikter)
Trusted Member

Great respect to you. My father was a executive chef for 20 years and I wish this life to no one

Now I only have to cook for people I love, with food I grow alot of. Much better this way. 

And yes, Matt and I seem to be in the same boat as far as development of the fantasy for cuckolding. I mentioned somewhere else that it will be staying in that realm for the foreseeable future, to much going on personally and in the world for that to be a stable option.

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Posted : 26/08/2020 8:26 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @ruined-julie

Let's say in short that there is a soft cuckolding (where the partner is not belittled, humiliated) and a harder cuckolding (where the virility of the husband / boyfriend is clearly questioned in favor of that of the lover).

I have mentioned before in other comments and posts that because of discovery of this blog, and in particular because of the writings of both Emma and you @ruined_julie, I have rekindled an interest (even if it only turns out to be a fantasy) of imagining my wife having sex with another man or woman.  Like our mutual friend @Vikter, not having experienced this in real life, this is a thought experiment (love that term) for me.  Until I was able to read your thoughts here and previous words by Emma and you, I was never able to properly articulate my thoughts on my desire to explore this.  You've done that for me with the words contained in the quote above and for that I am grateful.  I fall decidedly into the soft cuckolding category without actually knowing what to call it. 

I am in the soft cuckolding category because my desire is for my wife to be free to be able to experience ANY form of sexual excitement and pleasure that she desires, within the context of course of boundaries we have with each other.  Although our conversations have only ever lightly touch on the topic, I have always said in what appear to be a joking manner, that she can have sex with whomever she wants as long long I am present.  Not a participant, but present.  Of course we all know there is some level of truth in our joking comments, and this is no exception. 

Thank you for your post. 

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Posted : 26/08/2020 8:44 am
mgablea
(@mgablea)
Active Member

I guess I will start with the most obvious answer first, a man will ask his wife to have sex with another man so that she will give him permission to have sex with other women. This is swinging and really has nothing to do with what you are asking. Hopefully this is not what your husband wants, I know it is not what I want.

That being said, to me giving my wife permission to have sex with another man is a natural extension of my love for her and my natural inclination to give her the things that make her happy. There is no explaining it because it feels completely normal and natural to me. It is what and who I am. Just like wearing a chastity device or having her peg me, I would happily let her do it if that is what she wanted. By the way, she has not but I would let her.

We already know 30 to 50% of women cheat on their husbands with another man, and the numbers are probably much higher because women are not as inclined to respond truthfully. Whether the men want to admit it or not, they are cuckolds. When asked about their wives affairs men typically do not cite the sex with another man the thing that hurts them but the fact that his wife did it without his knowing.

I do not know how to address the Alpha Beta thing. I would not want to be humiliated or teased.

I could go on but hopefully this has helped you understand. If your husband is like me, he honestly cannot answer why. It’s just a part of who he naturally is and a part of how he expresses his love for you.

The flip side to that is do not sacrifice yourself for his sake. He does not want that because it makes you unhappy. He wants you to be happy above all else.

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Posted : 26/08/2020 12:21 pm
Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member

Thank you for your answer @mgablea.

So first of all, no, my husband is not attracted or doesn't want to make love to other women (except Charlize Theron, but I don't blame him because I could convert to women for her).

I also think that for my husband this is compresion, in the sense that he is happy to know that I am happy and having fun outside of our relationship.

However, when I see the insecurity and jealousy that this causes in him, it makes me wonder about the risk/benefit ratio of such a relationship. 

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Posted : 28/08/2020 2:15 am
mgablea and subhubphx liked
Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member

Hello @subhubphx

First of all I'm glad that my post interested you so much.

Question, what would happen if your wife said "OK, but without you being present"?

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Posted : 28/08/2020 2:23 am
Vikter liked
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @ruined-julie

However, when I see the insecurity and jealousy that this causes in him, it makes me wonder about the risk/benefit ratio of such a relationship. 

For whatever it is worth, this comment makes me happy in that your compassion toward his feelings, even if there turn out to be unhealthy, is refreshing.   

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Posted : 28/08/2020 7:04 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @ruined-julie

Question, what would happen if your wife said "OK, but without you being present"?

Short answer?  I trust and respect her enough that I would ultimately yield to your wishes in whatever form they took. 

Slightly longer answer (kind of) ... We have agreed upon established "limits" in our relationship and the thing you hypothetically suggest is not among them.  There are common things that a FLM couple like us supposedly are "expected" do based on the popular opinions based on labels and the definition of those labels  ...  from people outside of our relationship. 

Over the years I've communicated with blog readers (I have a blog) and behave read comments by others about the "right way" we are supposed to behave as a FLM couple.  Some of those be quite militant about it even.  As has been repeated frequently here on Emma's blog, each couple is unique and the things they do or don't in that relationship is entirely up to them.  For example, I've had people tell me directly that because my Wife doesn't require me to consume whatever ejaculate may come out me, for whatever reason and wherever it may be, we are not really a FLM couple.  When asked why, I explained that it wasn't something that my Wife had an interest in because she thought it would be gross to see her husband do that.  That made me happy because I have no interest in doing such a thing.  That same person asked the same question you did .. what would happen if she made you do it?  My answer was if it was something that gave her pleasure in having me do, then of course I would.  The act itself is not appealing at all to me.  Being required to do it because it makes her happy is very appealing.

Over the years we have settled in to a beautiful level of trust and respect for each other.  I am allowed to express desires and make suggestions.  In the end those suggestions are thoughtfully considered and if they meet the standard of pleasing her, she will decide that on her own, and her decision is final.  Which makes me very happy.

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Posted : 28/08/2020 7:23 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member

@mgablea

What an fantastic comment.  These conversations are so meaningful and helpful.  Thank you for contributing.

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Posted : 28/08/2020 7:27 am
mgablea liked
Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member
Posted by: @subhubphx

For whatever it is worth, this comment makes me happy in that your compassion toward his feelings, even if there turn out to be unhealthy, is refreshing.   

You know, we're talking about people we love. Even though I can be hard and cruel to Matt at times, I basically just want him to be happy.

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Posted : 28/08/2020 7:55 am
Emma and subhubphx liked
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member

@ruined-julie

I wish there was a "Love" button and not just a "Like" button.  

Posted by: @ruined-julie

Even though I can be hard and cruel to Matt at times, I basically just want him to be happy.

Any man would be lucky and proud to have you love them.  I thoroughly enjoy getting a peak into your relationship with Matt because of how wonderful it is.

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Posted : 28/08/2020 8:49 am
Emma liked
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

I totally missed this entire post until I saw JD's comment in the "only two players" blog. sorry ruined julie!

This is something I had thought about blogging about but I don't feel like an expert. Your post does a better job of putting it into words than I had formulated in my mind.

Ruined Julie - It seems like you do this for Matt, it certainly started that way. Do you find your newfound freedom bringing you closer to Matt or do you find it pulling you away from him? Alternatively, do you find it to cause Matt to view you and your relationship as more of a satisfaction of a fetish? I don't want to be a thing - a "fetish" - I want to be a person, a friend, a confidant and a partner. While our relationship is more poly-friend-with-benefits and not soft cuckolding it does have its moments.

This post was modified 3 months ago by Emma
ReplyQuote
Posted : 28/08/2020 8:51 am
khorina5
(@khorina5)
Eminent Member

Wow, great conversation! Thanks @ruined-julie! As mentioned elsewhere, i'm not living it, but these are my answers:
- what interest? Before marriage, we had an experience where i introduced my Queen to a popular guy She liked; back then it was my desire to please Her over my own interest, and from it i got an even more platonic love for Her 🙂 . i also think it's an 'extreme' form of the feeling proud of being with someone important/recognized and cuckolding reaffirms this through someone else's interest? i think porn also has influenced us men and cuckolding 'is a fantasy/solution to provide things you as man cannot provide? At this point, my interest is that (being submissive) i know that great feeling of being around someone more dominant (at work or other no-kink contexts) and i think cuckolding with someone that can provide it would be beneficial for Her but also for me (i think i'd be that husband asking innumerable questions to see how the 'bull' acted on this and that, admiring how He behaved so differently from me). 

- if she agreed but you are not present. i think it'd be okay, but i'd still try to be 'present' through questions. 

Now let me share you this weird episode i had when i was 18: an older (late 30s) gay man showed interest in me. That episode explode fantasies in me, having the concrete experience of being sexually desired was weird but flattering, 'dirty' but exciting. Anyway, that particular man had a very dominant personality & i ended up fantasizing pleasing Him, so i'm sure that part is also somehow mixed in this interest (fantasizing all 3 parts are satisfied, although the fantasy falls as i know for sure Queen is not interested).

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Posted : 28/08/2020 9:49 am
subhubphx liked
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