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Chastity & Orgasm Denial
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My wife has never been interested in my chastity or denial fantasies. Over the years she's tried to play along a little bit but it's not her thing and she doesn't really get it. When I eventually bought a cheap plastic cage, she didn't want to see it and didn't want to have anything to do with it - not even holding the key for me. She hates making the decision.
Anyway, it's been nearly a year since then and I haven't really brought it up to her much. I recently bought my first metal cage and have been wondering if I should ask her to give it another try.
My pitch is to try and make it a bargain - something she would be supportive of in exchange for participating in my fantasy. Over the past year or so, I've been drinking more (usually in social situations but also the stress from the pandemic has contributed to it). There's a history of alcoholism in my family so it worries me and I know it worries her.
I also go to the gym regularly and have been getting back in shape (losing a lot of muscle mass when I started working from home). However, I haven't really lost weight (the combination of putting on muscle again and then drinking/snacking at night). So I'd like to lose weight, too.
So the proposal I'm thinking of making is: I'll completely stop drinking until Thanksgiving - the next 25 days - and lose 15 pounds if she'll hold my key and play along (e.g., occasional teasing). She'd agree not to unlock me unless she's satisfied with the outcome. (If the metal cage isn't suitable for long-term wear, I would revert to honor system.) The variability of the weight loss means I could be eligible for unlocking around Thanksgiving or it could last much longer.
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I think the motivation would help me stay disciplined to achieve these.
Do you think this feels manipulative? Is it wrong to connect these things or do you think it's a reasonable approach?
Posted : 31/10/2021 8:59 am
Sounds a bit like work when it needs to be fun.
I would talk to her and ask her if she could possibly have fun with this aspect or some other thing she would like? Find out what might be fun for her and do THAT even if it has less to do with you (and cage) than you might prefer.
Baby steps keeping it fun. Communication.
There’s so many things to unpack here. You bought a cage a year ago and she pulled back. Didn’t even want to see it. Thats not a good sign. She may just not be open to this at all and that will have to be that.
When I approached my wife, she knew a little bit about it and about my kinky side..but wasn’t really interested. I used the idea that Emma had talked about, show her the benefits for her: more attention, being a better husband, no masturbation=focus on her. I dont think i would start off with the less drinking and weight loss..however those things may occur organic as a result of chastity.
Keep the focus on her. Thats what it’s about. I think thats the hardest part for the wives to first see…it looks like just kink.
I'm not sure that's the right approach. You are asking her to do something she does not want to participate in, and in exchange, you will do something you should probably do anyway. But, you are going to sell it to her in a "lesser of two evils" kind of way. She won't want to pick either!
Do you know if she has researched chastity on the internet? I think she probably has, and as you know, the top search results for chastity are all about men being sissies, French maids, subs dominated by their mistress, shrinking penises, ED from chastity, and all the other fantasy wank, BDSM bs (sorry BDSM guys and girls ?) that would shock and scare the hell out of a vanilla woman. I know, I'm a vanilla woman! I promise you that she wants you to fuck her, and not with a strap on!
Maybe begin with whether she has seen the scary BDSM stuff on the net? Then explain that there is another side to chastity. You do not want her to be your dominant mistress, she is still your wife- make that clear! You should not address her as goddess, mistress, or anything else along those lines. You will still lead in the aspects of your life she wants you to.
Then get busy doing the things you planned on using as bargaining chips- stopping drinking and weight loss. Don't tell her you are going to do so, just do it, and let her notice.
You said she doesn't want to "make decisions". Maybe she is thinking that she does not want that level of control over your body? It sounds like an easy proposal in your mind, but she sees great responsibility in what you are asking her to do. She will worry if you are comfortable, hurting, or suffering... and she will take responsibility for that because she has the keys. This is simple for you, and very complicated for her. She does not understand your desire to be sexually throttled by her.
Maybe, you could convince her to let you wear your cage, but you would have the keys, and you will unlock for any romantic encounter with her. I'm not sure if it could become more over time, but maybe that's enough to get you guys started? Don't force anything, just take baby steps and see what happens. Good luck!!
@macy-has-keys You are right on the money.
I'm not sure that's the right approach. You are asking her to do something she does not want to participate in, and in exchange, you will do something you should probably do anyway. But, you are going to sell it to her in a "lesser of two evils" kind of way. She won't want to pick either!
Then get busy doing the things you planned on using as bargaining chips- stopping drinking and weight loss. Don't tell her you are going to do so, just do it, and let her notice.
It seems so many people in the life style see the chastity and the cage as the reason they are attentive to their wife or partner and the reason they do the little things that make her happy or help her with the chores so she can relax too.
It is refreshing to see someone who agrees with me that a man should happily do these things just because he loves her and would do them regardless of whether he is caged or not.
In our relationship the cage is about our love life. We use it to make our love making more sensual for both of us and my orgasms better. Others may use it for the kink and excitement and variety. To some the aspect of power exchange and control may be the driving force. Some nay find the arousal associated with denial as the reason. The point is chastity is about the sex life. The relationship and how you treat each other, care for each other, and show each other attention is about the love.
Posted : 07/11/2021 12:47 pm
Dave,
In our relationship the cage is about our love life. We use it to make our love making more sensual for both of us and my orgasms better.
This is us as well! Very early in our relationship, he was having problems with ED. He admitted that he was always masturbating while fantasizing about unrealistic scenarios (he's retired). He was diagnosed with dorsal nerve damage from "death grip masturbation". He needed strong stimulation to cum, and his brain wanted the fantasy to go along with it.
He came to me with the idea of chastity to stop masturbating. I was not thrilled with the idea at all! I'm very vanilla. But, we were dating, and I thought if he wants to try chastity at his house, I could be supportive. We saw each other once a week and usually had sex. I eventually ended up with the keys and would unlock him when we were together for sex. He was able to regain sensitivity, fix the ED, and his passion for me after being locked for a week was great. His orgasms were great, and I was the only source of them. Yay!
The funny thing is, we never stopped chastity. We got married and he never mentioned stopping. We had sex 3-5 times a week and he was unlocked for the evening, locked back up in the morning. He was essentially locked all the time except for sex. It's not broken, don't fix it! Right?
That's how it went until recently. I wondered, if I did not unlock him for every lovemaking session, would sex be better? It was! And he told me he enjoyed fewer, more intense orgasms. We have used chastity to continuously fuel our passions for each other within a normal vanilla sex life. I'm becoming intrigued with sticking my control toes in the water lately, and he is loving me turning up the intensity. I turned it up a lot this year with Lock-NO! It's been amazing!
Chastity is not the relationship. I never imagined we, especially me, would be where we are today!
