Why isn't it talked about more?

Posted by: @mstara

I wasn't so convinced by the 'beta' male argument, but I did wonder why if it's not taboo to talk about using dildo's, BDSM is in main stream with things like 50 shades and being pierced in very conceivable part of the body, with the accompanying jewellery, is completely acceptable, then why is it that male chastity isn't being talked about more openly?

I hear ya mstara.  I'm not at all convinced about the beta comment.  But, I think the comment does illustrate a problem when it comes to concern about 'coming out'.  Vague generalities of words.  To many, and clearly the author of the blog, all caged men are beta, and that simply is not the case.  There are plenty of Alpha males (me included) that are consciously and willingly involved in a WLM, and very happily so.  Does that make me a beta?  I suppose it does for one person in the world, but for the rest of the world ... no it doesn't.  

Like everyone, I can only guess why it isn't talked about more openly in society, and my guess is that the known benefits just aren't widely enough understood to be out in the open main stream.  I also suspect that even though tons of great progress has been made to more openly accept things like LGBTQ, kink and other previously things previously deemed deviant, there's still plenty taboo for many people that identify or participate in such things.  

I think this site (especially this site) and others are having a tremendous impact when it comes to normalizing "this thing we do".  Hopefully someday, before I leave this world, I'll be able to see the benefits of those efforts.  I think one of the more exciting parts of what Emma does here is allow any one of us to anonymously introduce the concepts spoken to here to friends and others with the "Tell a Friend" feature.  They receive a very vanilla message and a link that allow them to anonymously poke around this site, which as I think we can all agree is a much better and more useful way to gather information about WLM, chastity, orgasm control, etc., than other porn fueled options out there.  Thereby offering new people a better chance of really understanding.  

Great topic Tara!

Posted by: @mstara

I saw this on a blog recently and it did make me think:-

I do not understand how concepts like gay marriage and gender fluidity are now openly acknowledged and accepted -- my company has an "out" group and just commemorated trans day -- but male chastity is still so hush-hush. Millions of chastity cages have been sold! The answer has to lie in the continuing social ostracism of beta males. It's up to us chaste husbands and keyholding wives to bring the benefits of chastity -- greater marital intimacy, better husbands, reduced masturbation -- out of the shadows. In my case, it's my wife who keeps it private.  I think she might be socially embarrassed to be married to a submissive male, but I think she should be proud.

I wasn't so convinced by the 'beta' male argument, but I did wonder why if it's not taboo to talk about using dildo's, BDSM is in main stream with things like 50 shades and being pierced in very conceivable part of the body, with the accompanying jewellery, is completely acceptable, then why is it that male chastity isn't being talked about more openly?

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I think this will change, but we must look upon this like steering a very large ship, they don't turn on a dime. Look at how long gays and lesbians have waited before being grudgingly accepted. Good things sometimes take time. 🙂  

Posted by: @williamportor

I think this will change, but we must look upon this like steering a very large ship, they don't turn on a dime. Look at how long gays and lesbians have waited before being grudgingly accepted. Good things sometimes take time. ?  

You're absolutely right, and that ship is still turning for gays and lesbians.  

my apologies as this is OT, but i really hate this alpha male/beta male bullshit.  The idea of alpha/beta wolves is flawed: https://sciencenorway.no/ulv/wolf-packs-dont-actually-have-alpha-males-and-alpha-females-the-idea-is-based-on-a-misunderstanding/1850514

i have known the kindest men to have gone to war, killed many, even with their bare hands, and come back with the same kindness they exhibited prior to going to war.  And these so called self proclaimed alphas would likely call them betas if they didn't know their history.

To me, it is about being a good man.  A good man knows his worth and doesn't need to strut around like a peacock.  Part of being a good man is providing for her needs, his children's needs, his family's needs, his neighbor's needs.

This is a great topic for discussion- it’s also covered on the Obedient Love podcast episode 30

Posted by: @bestwhencaged

my apologies as this is OT, but i really hate this alpha male/beta male bullshit. 

Completely agree. In my experience there aren't any 'alpha' males just arrogant ones, and that's not appealing to most women at all, well certainly not me.

Posted by: @mstara

Posted by: @bestwhencaged

my apologies as this is OT, but i really hate this alpha male/beta male bullshit. 

Completely agree. In my experience there aren't any 'alpha' males just arrogant ones, and that's not appealing to most women at all, well certainly not me.

i find many so called alpha males are insecure and mask that by putting others down in various ways and presenting a facade about themselves to attempt to lift them above others.

Women who respect themselves, set clear boundaries on how They are treated, never find such a man-child attractive.

The term alpha should be reserved to men who treat others with respect, set boundaries on how they are treated, work to better themselves, acknowledge their mistakes and weaknesses, and reach down to lift up others, catch others up who are falling, etc..  That's who i try to be.

Alpha?  Beta?  Which am I? Which are you (not you specifically)?  Is that guy, or that girl an Alpha or a Beta?   He's submissive to his wife, and so doesn't that make him a sissy?  Doesn't that mean that he is submissive to any woman just because she is a woman?  She's a dominant woman, so does that mean she is a bitch that only fucks other men and not her man?  Doesn't she know that she is superior to every man because he is a man?  

Of course, these are silly examples but sadly there are plenty of people who believe these to be true.  Words matter and the precise use of words is not always what happens.  Sometimes it's by design and on purpose (biased media, every politician for example) for the benefit of whoever is trying to bullshit the world at that moment.  Sometimes it's merely just a casual use of a word or phrase that is susceptible to genuine and not purposeful misunderstanding ... like what is going on here IMO.  The former is a scourge on society.  The latter isn't.  It's just unfortunate.  

Assuming there is no intent to deceive or find offense in the use of words, there really is no need to get frustrated or find offense.  On an individual basis, what should matter is the character and integrity of that person and not so much trying to wedge them into a preconceived definition of any label.  

I came across this quote recently and believe it to be true;

"Real masculinity isn't toxic.  The absence of it is.  Weak men are abusive and spiteful.  Strong, masculine men are protective and loving."

Once masculinity (and so many other words) gets (got) redefined as automatically meaning something awful, it makes nearly impossible for people to have reasonable discourse and provide perfect cover for those intending to maintain chaos in society.  Ignorance is the most valuable commodity in the world.  Knowledge and wisdom depend on the precise use of words to avoid being lured into ignorance.

Here is an example of knowledge and wisdom in action, and it comes from this very page:

@mstara said:

Posted by: @bestwhencaged

my apologies as this is OT, but i really hate this alpha male/beta male bullshit. 

Completely agree. In my experience there aren't any 'alpha' males just arrogant ones, and that's not appealing to most women at all, well certainly not me.

Let's add another type to the discussion about men.  Someone that rarely gets talked about is a Sigma Male.  I think I've identified as an Alpha Male that happens to be submissive to the love of his life.  I think I now identify as a Sigma Male that happens to be submissive to the love of his life.  I saw this short video on You Tube about Sigma Males.  I thought it was excellent.

@subhubphx I do agree with you ?

I love the forum because its all about respect, understanding.

I have read many other sites and forum and as you say its all about beta men who us supposed bow to all woman just because they are women and men have no value....

I love, cherris and obey my lovely wife and do all i can to make here happy, that dosent mean i do the same to all women, alfa...beta...who knows, i KNOW who i belong to/want to be with and it works for us ?

Posted by: @subhubphx

Let's add another type to the discussion about men.  Someone that rarely gets talked about is a Sigma Male.  I think I've identified as an Alpha Male that happens to be submissive to the love of his life.  I think I now identify as a Sigma Male that happens to be submissive to the love of his life.  I saw this short video on You Tube about Sigma Males.  I thought it was excellent.

I love this! Kev is absolutely a sigma male!

I watched this:

and think it is total BS with how they describe alpha and beta males.

People are incredibly complex.  Our behavior and attitudes change so much based on our environment.  

I don't think I fit the alpha, beta, or sigma categories.

@subhubphx 

I identify as the type you mention - I'm submissive sexually and at home, with a list of chores (I'm about to do ironing once I've written this) that I perform as directed, usually naked, usually caged, sometimes plugged.

But people who know me socially would scoff that I'm like this 24/7. I argue religion, politics, am assertive and highly organised, and pretty much Alpha in my public persona.

Not sure about calling this Sigma though. Sigma Male already has a number of definitions that omit submissiveness, and I understand it's used by Incels, which is not a place to wander into.

Suggestions on a postcard?

Posted by: @stevesub

Sigma Male already has a number of definitions that omit submissiveness, and I understand it's used by Incels, which is not a place to wander into.

I'm not sure I agree with this.  It seems a Sigma male does what he wants, and if that means submitting to the love of his life, sexually or otherwise, so be it?  Maybe I'm wrong.

What is an Incel?