Greetings Everyone - a little introduction of my own
Hello Emma, and everyone. I'm subhubphx, from, well, Phoenix. I came across this wonderful a few days ago and let me just say ... it is excellent.
My Mistress Wife and have been living in a loving, committed, acknowledged Wife Led Marriage for nearly 11 years. Every fives, Mistress K and I renew our wedding vows in a subdued, private ceremony with just her and I and an officiant. it was something we decided to do when we got married. On the occasion of our 15th wedding anniversary, when we renewed our vows, we acknowledged our choice of lifestyle and exchanged vows in the presence of a like minded officiant, specific to our WLM lifestyle, with all of the trappings and symbolism that would logically accompany such a ceremony, including Her being dressed in her favorite sexy attire, and me only wearing a cage and boxers, kneeling at the alter. It was very special for both of us.
I love this blog because it is clearly written by a real-life, normal, sane, intelligent author, and is decidedly NOT the typical porn-fueled drivel that is in most blogs. I very much appreciate that about Emma.
We practice very strict chastity but I have earned the ability to be on the honor system. Mistress K. will only require me to wear my cage as a form of punishment and if she is especially disappointed in me.
It was very nice to meet all of you and I look forward to enjoying my visits here into the future.
Welcome and thanks for the intro! I'd love to hear more about what got the two of you to this point in your marriage. Did it start this way or did it evolve to this point?
We don't practice a female led relationship but I've been looking for a way to put it into words. Female led partnership is the best that I've been able to describe it thus far. We are truly partners but when it comes down to a decision when we are at an impasse, the decision is mine. While I like to say we are 50/50, we are more like 49.99/50.01 since no partnership is ever fully balanced.
I'd love to hear more about your relationship and how your wife led marriage works in daily life including kids, work etc. Tell us all of the juicy details.
We are glad you are here. Punch and pie are at the back of the room. 😉
Thanks so much Emma for the lovely reply.
Our lifestyle choice did not start at the inception of our relationship. It was something that we began doing roughly ten years into being together, and it was me (of course) that brought the idea to my wife.
At the beginning of our relationship (and since) we enjoyed a healthy and adventurous sex life. We were kinky even. Not always, but neither of us had any hesitation about talking about the kinky things we enjoyed, fantasized or even just thought about .... and then we would play using that information.
When our two children were in the 9-10 year old range, it was an offhanded comment by my wife that sparked my thinking. She innocently enough said something to the effect of 'I hope when our kids have moved out of the house, that we still will know how to enjoy each other enough to avoid the same divorce fate that many of our friends once they were empty nesters.' That comment was in jest, but it got me to thinking. I already knew that I adored, even worshipped my wife and it all of a sudden worried me that someday, when faced with having it be just her and me, that we might discover that we had grown apart ... and I didn't want that to happen.
In our kink play in the past, we would switch roles as Dominant and submissive. Yes, of course, we were rank armatures at it but, we had fun and we understood the basic ingredients necessary for fun play when power exchange was involved. It occurred to me that a permanent power exchange that would put her in the dominant role would be a way for us to all but ensure that our daily behavior would allow for our lust and attraction for each other would naturally remain. The idea of being submissive, even a slave to my beloved wife was something that i knew I could eagerly do, because I already worshipped the ground that she walked on.
I did a lot of research. In my research I was eventually able to find the kind of information that wasn't just some BS porn-fueled fantasy garbage, but rather the kind of information that supported my hope and expectation that entering into a WLM would in fact help the two of accomplish our continued love affair until the day we died. So far ..... that's exactly where we are.
Once I gathered my research, I rehearsed my "pitch" to my Wife on this idea in the hopes that she too would see it as something that would ensure that her adoring husband would not only continue to desire her, but that in the end, she would be able to use it a source of pleasure and a blissful life. At least to the extent that her husband could assist with.
She is a beautiful, professional, soccer mom type that loves life. Everyone that knows immediately falls in love with her because she is just that kind of person. In fact, I have always told her that she is the kind of beautiful woman that when she walks through the forest, birds would land on her shoulder and small animals would bring her gifts.
After building up the courage to ask her to be my Dominant Mistress Wife, we went to dinner and I asked her to be my Mistress. I showed her my research. I articulated my reasons for wanting to evolve our relationship into something that would be a constant, never ending source of joy and pleasure in her life, and not just sexually. I explained to her that all I had ever wanted to be was the kind of man that was proud of and would hopelessly devoted to her, and to the extent I was able, would submit to anything she felt would provide her with pleasure. Again, not just sexually.
I also emphasized the fact that it was important she knew, and I knew that what I was asking for something more than just a fetish provider. Because if I was asking for this from her, it required 2 absolute ingredients that could never vary. One, that our lifestyle together was something that indeed provide her with pleasure in her life, and two, that she was able to understand that my source of pleasure comes primarily, almost exclusively from seeing her live an immensely pleasurable life as the Queen on my world. I felt confident that I would truly be able to achieve my primary source of pleasure from seeing her life a pleasurable life. Thus far .... this is exactly the case.
Ours is a VERY private lifestyle that we lead. To our friends and family, I am just THAT husband that always shows devotion and adoration to his wife in public, but never in such a way that would lead anyone to suspect our lifestyle. Including our kids. In fact, we both believe that we a setting a prime example for how a gentleman should treat a lady he loves. Nobody (save for her best friend that lives in another city) knows, or would even suspect that I am her submissive husband slave. Nobody would ever suspect that I actually and truly am not allowed to touch myself sexually ... in any fashion whatsoever, without her permission and mostly under her direct supervision. Nobody would ever suspect that I am not allowed to orgasm or ejaculate without permission and supervision. Nobody would ever suspect that I am required to strip naked and assume the position for a spanking whenever I am told to do so by my Mistress Wife, whether it be for punishment, or even if she just wants. It's rare that she just wants to. I mostly spanked for punishment purposes and it is not a sexualized experience. It's a punishment that intends to correct behavior that displeases her ... as decided by her.
We have come a long way since the inception of our lifestyle. Although she was eager when we started, we had some bumps in the road mostly because she hadn't fully understood that I indeed got immense pleasure in serving her, being subject to her rules and punishments, and because she felt like she was being mean by not giving me what she otherwise assumed I wanted. When in fact what I wanted was to serve her, and not just sexually. Predictably, being the helpful husband that I am, I was unintentionally and unknowingly "topping from the bottom" which, as you can imagine, wasn't helping. It brought us to a point of her considering whether or not this was a lifestyle that she wanted to lead. AS a result, we were able to communicate very well with each wherein she was able to tell me about the pressure she feels because I was topping from the bottom, and I was able to help her understand that I indeed receive the most amount of pleasure in service to her. That was a turning point our relationship and we are each able to expand the comfort and pleasure we each receive in our respective roles as time marches on.
Probably the most significant aspect of our relationship that we both hold very sacred is orgasm control and semen retention. We have more and better sex than we have ever had since we met. Our sex almost always ends without me ejaculating or having an orgasm. In fact, I am only allowed 2-3 full orgasms a year and am allowed to ejaculate (ruined orgasm) 6-8 times per year. I know it sounds strange, but I literally prefer being denied and orgasm when we have sex because I have come to relish the continued constant state of desire that ensues following sex with my wife, because I was denied an orgasm. Even to the extent that I equate blue balls with sexual pleasure. Weird, I know. There is hardly a man alive that isn't in the same situation I am that can understand this, but it's true.\
I derive my sexual pleasure from being present when my Wife has sexual pleasure. I can honestly say that there is nothing more sexually satisfying to me than seeing my Mistress have an orgasm. So much that I have, on occasion, had my own (unauthorized) orgasm simply by watching have her own. The first time it happen she was amazed that it could actually happen. That I could actually cum from merely watching her orgasm, without any stimulation to my cock. When it happened the first time I know that it cemented in her mind that literally did get my pleasure by seeing her have hers. On subsequent occasions, she said I was allowed to cum if I could do so without any stimulation to any part of body, while watching her orgasm. It happened on two other times.
I have a plethora (big word huh?) of juicy details that I would be glad to share if you or others want to know. I also have a blog that I haven't really been attending to lately (Why? I guess because I just haven't had the same amount of time as I used to) at subhubphx.blogspot.com if you are inclined. If you happen to visit, drop me a comment so I know that you were there.
Emma, I'll close (finally) by saying that your blog is absolutely wonderful because it is clear that you are real. I have always thoroughly enjoyed blogs from people (like you) that are articulate, witty, informative, kinky and entertaining. Thank you so much for your blog. I'm so glad I came across it like have. Mistress K. enjoys it when I forward to her information about intelligent kinksters and I will most certainly being showing her yours.
Thank you again.
What a terrific story yours and K’s is. Thanks for for sharing it with us here. A supercharged intimate relationship based both on the value a man places on his self-control and his partners external control Is particularly interesting. I came across your blog a year or two ago and read some with interest but as posting had slowed or stopped, I stopped checking it. I’ll be sure to go back for a visit and dig in, now that I know you are alive and well and, even if not posting, still living as stated.
@subhubphx thank you for this amazing testimonial, i'm impressed with your dedication and how you were able to formalize it through your will to be submissive to your mistress.
I must say I do share the same fantasy, but haven't been able to formulate to the extent you have and made it as obvious of the benefits to her, and the position she would gain as a result.
One question though, as I also started reading your blog as a result of your post, you do not seem to fond of being caged, which to me is part of the submission process. Is that indeed the case?
Thanks so much for the kind words jd. I appreciate it. Yes, posting has significantly slowed on my blog after a long time maintaining it. After a while, it's difficult to find the time to continue with meaningful entries. I'm going to try to ease back in to posting because I do miss it.
Thanks for the kind words DavidS.
I love being caged …… for a short time. Chastity is being prevented from accessing your genitals for sexual pleasure or purposes. Of course, a cage is one method, the most common and widely used method of achieving chastity. When wearing my cage, there is something so very powerful and symbolic about being in the presence of my Mistress Wife wearing nothing but a cage. Honestly though, for extended periods of wearing in normal life, it is a pain in the ass to wear for a variety of reasons. Things get yucky down there rather quickly, which requires waaaaay more frequent showers. Sitting to pee is a huge pain during a normal day and when you do pee, it takes at lease 5 extra minutes because the pee doesn't always just come out of the hole at the end of the cage unimpeded, and makes a mess, which must be cleaned up. Mostly thought, Mistress K. prefers for me to be not caged because it provides instant access to my penis on those occasions when she wants it to perform. All of those are the reasons that I wear it now as a form of punishment that she makes me endure when she is especially disappointed with me. Also, during such times, she has very little interest in showing my penis any attention.
Good luck to you in seeking this kind of relationship with your wife. If it is to happening, it is essential that she, on her own, can understand and experience how it benefits her in her life because if she doesn't come to that conclusion, she will feel as though she become nothing more than a fetish peddler for you. I hope that makes sense.