Sexualizing Libido Differences

This is interesting. Would you consider prescribing this to one of your therapy clients?

Posted by: StanMan

The concept of chastity is new to me but it seems that it may stem from couples sexualizing the differences in their libido. This is fascinating because it creates an additional solution to a component of relationships that many sex therapists have a great deal of difficulty getting couples to compromise on. I am a marriage and family therapist and have found that lack of sex is usually a symptom of bigger problems in relationships but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes he wants it every day and she wants it once a week or twice a month. This is a fascinating way to address this sort of relationship issue. I'm new to the site but you have caught my attention both as a professional and as a man. I will certainly be reading more. 

My experience in dating and having sex with older women (40+), recently divorced, is that women are often the hornier ones in failed relationships.  I can think of four women off the top of my head who began seeing other partners because their husbands weren't giving them enough.  One ended up becoming an escort to feed her hunger for sexual partners.  The others simply went on Tinder and hooked up or came on to men they met at work or while going out for drinks.  I am currently seeing yet another woman who is hornier than I am -- she writes erotic fiction, as a business, and has an intense desire for BDSM.  It is puzzling to me why we are discussing men and women as if they are one-dimensional:  women the gatekeepers and men the horndogs.  It is a great paradigm for femdom if that's what couples enjoy, but I think it is slightly at odds with the reality I've experienced as a sexually active 40+ man.

Stan, what do you see in your practice? 

Spank, among my circle of friends I do see it going both ways. Some females have higher sex drives and some males have higher sex drives. I do see that the females get bored sooner than the males. A man can get along just fine with sex that the female might consider mundane and repetitive. Tell more about your experience with the 40+ crowd? 

Emma,

Each woman I've met on Match or Tinder has requested sex almost from the first date.  I think women over 40 are more confident to be "slutty" because there is no virginity to "treasure" -- they simply unashamedly enjoy cock and sex.  The woman I'm currently seeing (48 years of age) has a deep desire to explore female submission as a sub slave.  I have restraints with locks on them that I've used on her a few times.  She is learning to embrace the lingo slowly: "Yes, Master." We have a beautiful paddle which leaves the word SLUT tattooed on her ass when I spank her.  We have played with candles -- she moaned and writhed with pleasure as each drop of hot wax bit into her nipples. 

As women are more established in their careers, they are learning to enjoy being dominant at work and submissive in their private lives.  Emma, you have commented on this phenomenon with men, but I think you may have missed how much the same is happening with women.  Women are leading departments.  They are in "C-level" positions (CFO, CEO, CIO, CTO, etc) in companies, but, for some, their pussies still crave an occasional leather belt whipping from Daddy.  I am not suggesting that all or even most women want to be treated that way -- I am saying that women are embracing BDSM more now because they recognize that the power they've craved in real life they now have.  And it is ok to give it up to men in bed.

That being said, I do follow your blog, Emma, because I am intrigued how orgasm denial and male chastity can be helpful for some men.   There is a need currently for dominant women because so many men are exploring their submissive sides including the things which you are doing with your husband.  My experience tells me that maybe 10% or less of women actually treasure femdom; the rest are simply catering to the preferences of their partners.  I think you, Emma, are one of the 10%

I think I agree with you. From the other females in my social circle (or chastity circle as it may be) it seems that many of them are doing them exclusively for the benefit of behavior modification. As you stated, I am really enjoying the ride and excited to see how his behavior changes. 

I think if you were to distill my wife's enjoyment of chastity training down to its essence it would be "behavior modification".  What she gets:  a more attentive, loving, considerate, helpful, docile husband.  What she gives up:  the "chore" and "mess" of my ejaculations.  (her words on chore and mess)

To my dear wife it's a LOT of gain, and minimal loss.  

I enjoy the whole of it but I'd say your wife's experience echoes what some of my friends have said.