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Hi everyone,
I joined this site a little while ago and have found it really interesting and insightful. Based on what I was reading, I decided to make a few changes.
My wife and I had not had sex - of any kind - in over a year and I was masturbating at least once a day. I suppose I have always been submissive but have been quite conflicted about it. Exactly a week ago I gave up masturbation, deleted all of my porn and decided to start retaining.
Fast forward a week, and my wife had noticed how much more affectionate I had been. We had a great conversation, where we both got out a lot of important things and then we had sex - not PIV, as one of the things that came out of our talking was that neither of us actually enjoy that. I had blamed our sexual breakdown on my own inability to be more of a "traditional" male in the bedroom, while she had been struggling with guilt issues of her own which had effectively led to both of us not talking about sex at all.
The most important thing that came out of today is that we both affirmed that we love each other as we are - we don't have to pretend to be something we are not. I am now going to ejaculate weekly and only with her, and we are both looking forward to next week (though there may be some teasing between now and then!).
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So, in summary, Emma and so many of more of you are absolutely right - communication is the key, and retention definitely helps! Also, it's never too late. We have been together for twenty years and we have just found a new beginning together.
Thanks all,
L
Posted : 08/11/2020 11:43 am
Also, it's never too late. We have been together for twenty years and we have just found a new beginning together.
Congratulations my friend. Having great sex with your Wife is amazing, isn't it? Especially when she decides how it will go, has her orgasms and you don't.
Posted : 08/11/2020 12:08 pm
Topic starter
@subhubphx Thank you. It certainly is!
Yes, communication is good! I was like you, masturbated often, wife was too interested in sex. I got her to read a couple of books on how to use male chastity in a loving, kind manner to help the husband not masturbate, not BDSM stuff. We tried it and she has actually liked it.
I never, ever orgasm without her knowledge and permission. We have been doing this for a few years now. I am not locked all the time, but do wear a device part time and when I do, it is usually a week minimum.
One of the best things have ever done was to cut way down on my masturbating. I think men just need a little encouragement to stop that.
I never, ever orgasm without her knowledge and permission.
I think this one thing ... orgasm control ... is the most important aspect of a well evolved man.
Posted : 09/11/2020 3:03 pm
Topic starter
@subhubphx @russ195 It's early days for us but I can't see myself wanting to go back to my previous habits. The fact is I have been able to be much more emotionally open already and that's worth a lot more than any amount of mediocre orgasms to porn. I am a classic example of the way toxic masculinity can emotionally stunt men. To give an example, I haven't cried once in over thirty years. For my own sake and my wife's, I need to evolve, and hopefully play a part in building a society that moves past the bs that I have internalized.
Posted : 09/11/2020 4:53 pm
I am a classic example of the way toxic masculinity can emotionally stunt men.
Toxic anything can stunt anybody's growth. There is a difference between natural, good, loving masculinity and masculinity that is shitty being used as an excuse for being a dick. Let's be careful as a society to know the difference. There are those that want to lump the "masculine" assholes in with masculine men that are good people. It isn't masculinity that is bad .... it's assholes that are bad.
I am a classic example of the way toxic masculinity can emotionally stunt men.
Toxic anything can stunt anybody's growth. There is a difference between natural, good, loving masculinity and masculinity that is shitty being used as an excuse for being a dick. Let's be careful as a society to know the difference. There are those that want to lump the "masculine" assholes in with masculine men that are good people. It isn't masculinity that is bad .... it's assholes that are bad.
I hate how men are villainized by the media, the metoo movement and everyone else who is looking to point fingers. Our society has done men a disservice and prevented them from showing their emotional side from a very young age. This has caused men to lash out in unhealthy ways, rather than a warm and emotionally nurturing environment they internalize and seek sexual release and in some cases violence to mask or suppress those emotions.
As @gallifreystyle noticed, a change to the sexual balance in a relationship first causes communication to flourish. With communication comes the sharing of emotions and heightened connection between partners. Congratulations and welcome to the site!
Posted : 10/11/2020 10:56 am
Topic starter
Thank you, glad to be here. And I agree, I wouldn't want to give the impression that masculinity in and of itself is toxic, merely the "boys don't cry" type of attitude.
Posted : 10/11/2020 11:04 am
I am inspired by your actions and your post Gallifreystyle. Thank you very much for sharing with us.
JD
Posted : 10/11/2020 6:27 pm
Yep that was me! I don't like blank profile pics so I have been known to do a quick google image search and pick something for people. Glad you like it. You are of course free to change it at any time.
Posted : 21/11/2020 10:36 am
