Why is cuckold humiliation a turn on?
I saw this the other day. Our friend Diane J (she's great by the way) also had a post on her blog referencing this same blog post from Vanessa Chaland. She found it interesting as well.
While I do find it interesting, it's the purposeful humiliation part that I am averse to when it comes to the subject of ethical non-monogamy. Although she makes some valid observations (IMHO) about the reasoning/justification for cuckolding from the woman's point of view, she says about each of those reasons "that could be humiliating".
She also says this which is particularly interesting:
"Compersion? I mean, swingers and those that attend orgies have all kinds of sex with each other, but the element of a power dynamic or anything BDSM isn't really there so its, just...hedonistic pleasure. There is something unique about the power structure when it comes to cuckoldry where just insert "Tab A" into "Slot B" is part of the agenda, but the mindfuckery, the sexual sadism, the cutting words, the demands, the masochism, the yielding and all the other psychological aspects take on so much more emphasis beyond just the penetrative sex, which ends up making it fucking hot, hot, hot! At least it is to me. Without a bit of "sexual domestic violence" and sadistic mind fucking of my cuckold, my making him feel humiliated, my getting a thrill and a sexual *rush* or charge out of humiliating him, without all of that, it would just be regular old vanilla sex, in which case I'd rather just read a book and have a cup of tea."
To each their own. Clearly. She makes a case for how viewing your partner is hedonistic pleasure, while also making the case for how it isn't really enough of a sexual thrill until and unless her cuckold is humiliated or his feelings are not just dismissed, but trampled upon. Again, to each their own.
I've said in the past that my greatest sexual thrill is to witness my beloved Ms. K. wallow in immense sexual pleasure. Be it from her use of my body as she sees fit, or from her vibrator, toys, or from whatever combination thereof that works. In the limited conversations we have had in the past or recently about the subject of her having sex with another, she has specifically said that IF it were to ever happen, that it could happen in a voyeuristic, hedonist pleasure way and without the possibility of any relationship developing from the act. In other words, come in, do your business, make me cum hard and often and then leave, kind of way. Like a human sex toy.
Obviously this whole ethical non-monogamy game has many different flavors, not all of which are interchangeable. Vanessa, in her blog post is focusing on why humiliation of her partner is a turn, which for the partner may or may not be at the same level of compersion. Then again, to each their own.
Please, don't infer any of my comments as being judgmental, because they aren't. The things that a couple does in their world, in their dynamic, in their relationship that makes them happy, makes me happy. I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for those people that will unapologetically fly their flag, whatever that flag looks like. I think the non-bullshit kind of person is amazing and attractive.
This one is pretty interesting, enjoy!
I think cuckholding is very situational. I suspect men will only allow themselves to be cuckholded by certain women. For example, I would never allow my wife to cuckhold me. But, if I were married to somebody different, or dating someone who was more dominant it might be a possibility.
I agree Brian. The term cuckolding is a general description used to describe many variables of ethical non-monogamy. For my loving Dominant Wife and i, the humiliation aspect of it being a turn on for some, is what doesn't work for us. It's one thing for a wife to have sex with another man, and quite another (we think) to use that as a way to purposely humiliate and hurt the husband as as source of sexual gratification. Some people/couples enjoy that aspect of it, and more power to them. It's just not for us.