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Does extramarital sex affect a wife’s dominance

HappyCuckold
(@happycuckold)
Trusted Member

Because of the pandemic, it has been quite a while since my wife has been with another man.  I have noticed that not having another man in her life seems to make her less dominant with me.  She seems less demanding about housework, she doesn’t discipline me as strictly, and she doesn’t ask me to go down on her as often. I wonder whether the women who practice cuckolding here have noticed a drop-off in their level of dominance when extramarital sex isn’t available for long periods.  Or maybe it’s just that the anxiety we are all feeling during the pandemic is a buzz killer that reduces sexual interest in general?  

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Topic starter Posted : 08/02/2021 11:48 am
mstara
(@mstara)
Estimable Member

I'd put any changes down to the present circumstances to be honest. Here in the UK we've been in pretty much full time lockdown since the beginning of November with no sign of let up until about mid March. I've found that this has put a damper on pretty much everything, not just the opportunities to see others.

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Posted : 09/02/2021 1:31 am
HappyCuckold
(@happycuckold)
Trusted Member

@mstara. Thank you for your response.  I think you are probably right that the lockdown affects everything.  The background to my question is that I previously noticed that the sexual energy my wife directs my way seems to increase when she is seeing somebody else.  That got me to thinking of a paradox that the more a man tries to keep his wife’s sexuality to himself the less sexual she will be.  In other words, it’s not like she has a limited amount of sexual energy that gets divided between two men.  Rather sexual freedom seems to increase a woman’s sexual energy so much that there is more available for both men when they share.  So whereas a wife benefits from limiting and controlling her husband’s access to sex, and keeping him focused exclusively on her, a husband benefits from encouraging his wife’s sexual freedom.  That’s how it seems to me.  But I’m not sure whether it is a valid generalization that would apply to most couples.

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Topic starter Posted : 09/02/2021 4:58 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

I'd also like to add that being dominant is work and sometimes it feels like work. I wonder if she simply isn't seeing enough positive rewards to want to stay engaged in a dominant way. Or maybe she is just feeling a bit of the apathy that many of us are feeling. As you suggested, if her stress level is high I guarantee that she is feeling less sexual/dominant than normal.

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Posted : 09/02/2021 10:14 am
mstara
(@mstara)
Estimable Member

Being at home most of the time I have found that I am missing the interaction with others. I miss going out with the girls and I miss those very mild flirty conversations with other men and gossiping with my female friends.
I miss getting dressed up for a night out which always gives me a bit of a buzz and enlivens me sexually.

All these little things normally contribute to a certain fission that makes me feel more excited, vibrant and a sort of confidence that can translate to me being more assertive both with my husband but also more generally. 

Missing these little things, that give an energy to life in general and take it out of the hum drum, for me has led to a drop in libido as we seem to be locked into a groundhog day existence. 

Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments when I'm reenergised and I know that I will be again when we regain our freedom of movement, but right now, as Emma says, it seems like hard work when lots of other things seem like hard work too. 

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Posted : 10/02/2021 2:01 am
Johndalton
(@johndalton)
New Member

@happycuckolda

Absolutely true ! Women become more sexual when they are open to being sexual . The worst mistake young couples make in marriage is closing the door and locking a woman away like property . She needs freedom to express her femininity and enjoy the attention of men and even other women. I only wish I could have learned this is my youth instead of wasting my sexuality trying to confine the woman I loved.

John Dalton 

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Posted : 10/02/2021 3:17 am
Emma and HappyCuckold liked
HappyCuckold
(@happycuckold)
Trusted Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j Thank you for your response.  You make a good point that being dominant is work.  I think those of us who are the submissive partners in D/s relationships need to be reminded of that from time to time.  When you point out that high stress level would make her feel “less sexual/dominant” than normal, you are making the connection between “sexual” and “dominant” that I was getting at.  It strikes me that the sexier my wife feels, the more dominant she becomes.  But then, I realize that a similar thing happens to me: when my libido drops off, for whatever reason, I tend to become less submissive.  Domestic service to my wife is a big part of our WLM, and doing housework is erotic for me when my libido is strong.  When my libido drops off, I still do the housework out of a sense of duty, but I don’t get erotic pleasure from it.  Based on discussions with my wife, I think my sexual submissiveness and her sexual dominance are symbiotic.  She says it is fun to be bossy about things like housework when she sees that I’m getting an erotic spark from it.  But when she senses that I am doing it out of a sense of duty, without that erotic spark, it isn’t as much fun for her to be bossy and strict with me.

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Topic starter Posted : 10/02/2021 5:26 am
HappyCuckold
(@happycuckold)
Trusted Member
Posted by: @mstara

I miss getting dressed up for a night out which always gives me a bit of a buzz and enlivens me sexually.

All these little things normally contribute to a certain fission that makes me feel more excited, vibrant and a sort of confidence that can translate to me being more assertive both with my husband but also more generally. 

Missing these little things, that give an energy to life in general and take it out of the hum drum, for me has led to a drop in libido as we seem to be locked into a groundhog day existence. 

Yes, that is exactly what I was talking about.  My wife always seems so sexually alive when she is getting dressed up for a date, or even for a girls’ night out.  One of our shared erotic pleasures is when she models different outfits for me before going out and asks me which ones I find sexiest.  That really turns me on, and I think it turns her on that it turns me on.  And I have noticed that the more sexually energized she is, the more assertive she is with me. Being cooped up in the house because of the pandemic, unable to see other people, has put a damper on all that.  My wife has said several times that she is really looking forward to the end of the pandemic so she can get dressed up for a night out.

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Topic starter Posted : 10/02/2021 5:49 am
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