Seeking Advice on FLR

Hello, I believe that every relationship is different and little by little you will find your balance.

Don't feel guilty for finding the situation unfair. He probably loves just that.

It is normal for him to have a fall after ejaculating. It's a question of chemistry.

You could try making him lick his cream pie after ejaculating inside, to remind him of his position. Maybe that will help you remain devoted and in the line that you like so much.

Little by little.

Thank you.

As somebody who's been in this lifestyle for a few years now, I'd like to share my two cents on your situation.

First and foremost, I think you've probably heard this a dozen times already, but take it slow—at a pace that's comfortable for you. Don't let any term define you or your relationship, whether it's FLR or anything else. Find a rhythm that feels right for both of you, and then explore what you like before pushing boundaries.

For a long time, I wondered if this dynamic was for me. The thing is, most people need to let this type of relationship develop organically over time. Jumping in with both feet might work for some, but I think building a strong foundation is crucial; otherwise, it can feel like an overwhelming rush. So, go slowly. Don't worry too much about terms and rules—focus on building strong intimacy between you two first.

If you don't like the chastity device, tell him. Wearing a chastity device doesn't have to be the be-all and end-all of a female led relationship. Take it off when you want to. It should enhance your emotional bonding as a couple, not hinder it. You might find it helpful to read up on reverse pegging—it could be beneficial for you both.

That low or crash he feels after ejaculation is very normal. When you're ready to take things a bit further, there are techniques and methods to let him release without experiencing that crash, like ruined orgasms or prostate milking. There are various ways to explore this, and you can do so when you feel ready.

I know it feels too good to be true, and it is a wonderful dynamic. There's an excellent book called "Locked In Love" that I highly recommend. It can help you figure things out. Take that first step and see where it leads.

Best of luck on your journey.

@williams-h @aries Thank you so much for your kind advice. It was very kind of you.
@williams-h Your book suggestion was awesome. Found the audio version and listened to the whole thing in one go. It was a true eye opener.

We both fancy a break from this whole thing, to be honest. It's not really my cup of tea, but bless him, he gets it. Maybe we'll give it another go sometime, who knows? Thank you again you two. 💌

Hello again, everyone!

I wanted to check back in after a bit of a break. I needed some time to reflect on everything going on in our FLR journey.

So, a little update: My partner and I decided to take on the full Loctober challenge this year! He made it from October 1st to the 31st before I took the cage off, which was a whole new level for both of us. It’s been an eye-opening experience in so many ways, and I’m feeling all kinds of emotions.

I’ll be honest: while I really appreciate the closeness and new level of intimacy chastity brings, part of me is struggling to reconcile everything. It’s not exactly easy to admit, but I think I’m still adjusting to how much his personality changes when he’s locked. I love how attentive and eager he’s become, and I can tell he’s doing it out of love and devotion. But sometimes, there’s this little corner of my mind that feels… conflicted. I wouldn’t say I dislike it—it’s just that I don’t fully recognize it. It’s like he’s almost too focused on me, and it feels strange in a way that’s hard to put into words.

One thing that’s become really clear to me is that I’m not naturally a dominant person. I’ve enjoyed exploring this side of myself, but I think my nature is more gentle and loving than firm and in control. I’m working on finding a way to honor the intimacy that chastity has brought into our relationship without feeling like I have to be someone I’m not. I want to find a way to fully appreciate this dynamic without forcing myself into a role that doesn’t feel entirely like “me.”

At the end of the day, I do love how teasing him has brought us closer, and there’s a joy in seeing him so focused on making me happy. But his eagerness, especially after staying locked for so long, stirs something complicated in me. I wish I could describe it better, but it’s like I’m happy with the change, yet also a bit distant from it.

For now, I’m just trying to be open with myself and accept that this journey is a learning process. If any of you have had similar feelings or have advice on staying true to yourself in a dynamic like this, I’d love to hear from you. Thank you all for being here, and for the encouragement and understanding.

@starryeyed28 Hey girl, thanks for being so open and honest about your FLR journey, it takes courage to share these intimate moments, so hats off to you!

First of all, I love that you and your partner took on the full Loctober challenge. That’s a huge deal! The way chastity brings that deeper emotional connection and keeps the focus on each other is so powerful. It’s amazing to hear how attentive and devoted he’s become, and it’s totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed by how much he’s changed. Sometimes, the intensity of that energy can feel a little unreal, right? Like, having someone that laser-focused on you can make you pause and go, “Whoa, is this really happening?”

Let’s talk about your role for a second. You don’t have to fit into any stereotype of a dominant partner if that’s not your vibe. Your version of being in control can be gentle, warm, and still very powerful. Honestly, it’s all about leaning into what feels natural for you. If teasing him softly, with those lingering looks and playful touches, is your style, then embrace it. Managing his release can be whatever works for you two, whether it’s edging him until he’s squirming or keeping things sweet and teasing without any promises.

And here’s a juicy tip: try engaging in deep intimacy that doesn’t involve his genitals at all. It might sound unconventional at first, but focusing on kisses, whispers, and those slow, skin-to-skin moments can drive him absolutely wild. It’ll remind him that intimacy with you is so much more than a release, it’s about being fully present and connected.

Speaking of release, here’s a little secret: it doesn’t always need to happen. In fact, letting him know that it’s not guaranteed can keep that sizzling energy between you. It shows him that the reward isn’t the release itself but the journey and your pleasure. When he realizes that, it’ll make him even more eager and focused on you, which is honestly the best part.

And let’s not forget, some men actually prefer the heightened sensitivity and control that comes from holding back. For them, it’s like trading a few fleeting seconds of happiness for days of feeling deeply connected, devoted, and turned on by the thought of you. Trust me, when he’s in that state, he’ll feel even more inspired to make you the center of his world.

Remember, being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or acting out a script that doesn’t feel like you. There’s so much power in leading with love and keeping things authentic. When you’re true to yourself, it becomes easier for both of you to explore and enjoy this dynamic fully.

And girl, give yourself some grace. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—this is all part of figuring out what works for you two. The fact that you’re reflecting on all this and having honest conversations shows how strong your bond is.

Thanks for sharing your story. You’re definitely not alone, and there’s so much magic in finding that sweet spot that brings both of you joy and keeps the flames burning. 💓

Posted by: @nika

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"Speaking of release, here’s a little secret: it doesn’t always need to happen. In fact, letting him know that it’s not guaranteed can keep that sizzling energy between you. It shows him that the reward isn’t the release itself but the journey and your pleasure. When he realizes that, it’ll make him even more eager and focused on you, which is honestly the best part."

Very well said!

@nika Thank you ever so much for such a thoughtful reply—I really do appreciate it. ❤️

So, here’s where things stand: when we first started dating, everything seemed rather straightforward, just your usual relationship, nothing too complicated. It was all very easygoing, no labels or expectations. But over time, I started to notice he was rather more of a ‘pleaser’ than I initially realised, which I didn’t think too much of at the time. I’d never really considered things like dom/sub dynamics back then. But as he began naturally taking on a bit more of a passive role, it took me by surprise, if I’m honest. At first, I wasn’t entirely keen on it; it almost felt like I was dating a reflection of myself, and it didn’t sit quite right. That said, he’s genuinely a lovely person—kind, thoughtful, and an absolute pleasure to be around. He’s never once made me feel pressured, so I found myself gradually stepping into this sort of ‘leading’ role, albeit a bit reluctantly, as it’s not really in my nature.

Then, not too long ago, we took a trip down to a well-known nude beach in the south of France, which was quite the adventure for me! I’d always avoided nudist beaches before that. We were staying in a charming little Airbnb, and we ended up meeting this couple, both in their mid-50s, I’d say, who were also staying nearby. They were delightful, with an easy humour about them, so we got to chatting over a few drinks as the sun went down. The next morning, they invited us to join them at the beach. I was still rather hesitant about the whole nudity aspect, but they showed us a quieter area where it wasn’t absolutely required, which made me feel much more comfortable. I ended up just wearing my bikini bottoms, which was a big step for me! At first, I didn’t pay much attention to her husband, but eventually, I noticed he was wearing this small metal…well, contraption. She caught me looking, laughed, and explained what it was all about. I wasn’t terribly interested, but amusingly, my boyfriend was all ears, asking her all sorts of questions!

Later that evening, we even went with them to a BDSM club. Being there made me realise that, deep down, I do lean rather more on the submissive side. Since then, my boyfriend’s made a point of bringing that little metal cage along whenever we’re having a bit of private time!

Eventually, with a bit of gentle nudging from him, I agreed to give this chastity thing a go for a few weeks. To be honest, I was expecting he’d get it out of his system fairly quickly and lose interest. At that point, I wasn’t particularly drawn to the idea myself; I was really just doing it to make him happy, and that was that. But, quite by chance, I came across this forum, and someone kindly recommended a book that I could listen to while I go about my morning routine. I ended up listening to it a couple of times, and it genuinely got me thinking about this chastity lifestyle in a way I hadn’t expected.

To be honest, I had quite a bit on my plate around that time, so it all felt a bit much. That’s when I posted my last message here. But after things calmed down a bit, we started playing around with the chastity idea here and there—not too seriously, just for a bit of fun.

Then this Locktober, completely out of the blue, I found myself saying, ‘Right, let’s do the full month!’ You should’ve seen his face! I even told him he’d be locked the entire time, and he actually went along with it. I thought he’d be begging for the key within a few days, but he stuck with it without a single complaint. It really struck me how much this whole thing means to him.

I’m still getting my head around it all, but I feel like I finally understand where he’s coming from. So thank you again for your kind words, they really do mean a lot. I’m doing my best to learn a bit more each day, though I’d be fibbing if I said I didn’t have the odd moment of hesitation. I can’t help but worry that we might not be able to go back to how things were if we keep pressing on with this, but I suppose we’ll just take it as it comes.

@starryeyed28 Hey, welcome back! It’s great to hear from you, and major props for getting through the entire Loctober challenge. that’s no small feat and speaks volumes how committed you both are. I get where you’re coming from with the mixed emotions; it’s not always easy to navigate how intense things can get in an FLR, especially when chastity’s in the mix. Trust me, focusing on your own pleasure and comfort isn’t just okay. it’s what makes the dynamic thrive. When you fully enjoy being the center of attention, he’s going to feel more fulfilled too. Speaking from experience, there’s nothing quite like knowing your partner’s genuinely enjoying the power shift. Don’t worry about being a little selfish, that’s what reinforces his devotion. Keeping that open line of communication and finding the right balance between teasing and deeper connection is key. Your journey is relatable, and taking things at your own pace is the best move.

@starryeyed28 I fully agree with Mr. Williams with regards to being selfish. Being selfish in an FLR isn’t just allowed; it’s the secret sauce that makes your dynamic electric. And when I say selfish, I mean unapologetically putting your own pleasure and needs first without a second thought. Trust me, it’s not just good—it’s what will have your partner wrapped around your finger, practically begging to see that smile on your face.

Picture this, you come home after a long day, and he’s there, eyes full of anticipation, ready to please you in any way you desire. This is your moment to be shamelessly selfish. Let him know that tonight is all about you,whether it’s a foot rub that turns into him worshipping every inch of your skin or a slow, teasing game that has you lying back, enjoying every ounce of attention without lifting a finger. And if he starts to hope that tonight’s the night he’ll get a release? Flash him a mischievous smile and say, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, darling. We’re focusing on me.”

The thing about being selfish is that it sparks devotion. The more you take, the more he’ll crave giving. He’ll live for the moments when you playfully deny him after he’s worked so hard, whispering, “Not tonight, sweetie. But I love watching you squirm.” That look of longing in his eyes? That’s him knowing he’s yours, body and soul, and there’s no place he’d rather be.

Take control and don’t just take it easy on him. Stand in front of him in your favorite lingerie, hands on your hips, and tell him exactly what you want. “I want your mouth on me, now,” or “Watch, but don’t touch.” The more demanding you are, the more it solidifies that you are the center of his world. And if he dares to look up at you with that pleading expression? Lean in, run your fingers through his hair, and say, “Patience, love. You’re here for my pleasure.”

And don’t forget the art of teasing. Nothing makes him more devoted than knowing you’re satisfied and he’s left wanting. Let him bring you to the peak again and again, and when he looks like he’s ready to burst, give him that sly, satisfied grin and say, “Thank you, that’s all I needed tonight.” The frustration in his eyes mixed with admiration? It’s pure magic, and it binds him to you more than any release ever could.

It’s time to embrace being selfish, not just because you can, but because it elevates the entire dynamic. You deserve to be adored, worshipped, and catered to without the weight of compromise. Being selfish doesn’t mean you’re uncaring; it means you’re setting the bar for how you want to be treated. And in an FLR, nothing makes your partner more devoted than knowing your happiness and satisfaction come first. That’s what keeps him on his toes, eager, and utterly at your mercy.

So go on, take what’s yours, and don’t hold back. Whether it’s teasing, denying, or guiding him to worship you without expecting anything in return, remember, being selfish is sexy, powerful, and the heartbeat of an FLR. Enjoy it!

@williams-h

Posted by: @williams-h

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focusing on your own pleasure and comfort isn’t just okay. it’s what makes the dynamic thrive. When you fully enjoy being the center of attention, he’s going to feel more fulfilled too. Speaking from experience, there’s nothing quite like knowing your partner’s genuinely enjoying the power shift. Don’t worry about being a little selfish, that’s what reinforces his devotion. Keeping that open line of communication and finding the right balance between teasing and deeper connection is key. Your journey is relatable, and taking things at your own pace is the best move.

Wow, you're so right!! Seriously, couldn’t agree more. 💯