Introduction: Taking the Reins

Great post! i think this shift will become naturally more and more common as those who participate are SUPER satisfied and fulfilled!

Sad to read some of the comments. In my industry (Information Technology) there's lots of men and women are commonly mistreated (sexualized, considered less, disrespected in other ways).

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the phone, stop the Bus. You 2 have been together for five Years???

Kevin, buddy, what the hell are you waiting for?????

Emma is smart, funny and cares about you deeply. This whole blog is a giant love letter about you and how much she loves you and how she wants your relationship to amazing.

Don't waste time like I did. I was with the love of my life for 12 years before I committed. It was too long.

When you find someone who not only completes you, but wants you to be a better version of yourslef...you put a ring on it.

My wife and got married in Vegas and it was amazing. Simple and intimate.

Sorry if this is none of my business but you both seem so in love.

Being Husband and Wife takes your relationships to another level. I thought I was in love with my wife before getting married...that love pales in comparison to what we have as Man and Wife.

Sorry for derailing the topic. But I have been reading this blog about a wonderful Woman who loves a Good Man and she is always talking about how she wants him to be better.

To me it just seems right.

I am sorry if I offended both you, but sometimes my heart just needs to speak.

Sincerely,

Phenious a.k.a Adam.

No offense taken. I'm sure he will respond but I'll be the first to say that it's by no lack of asking. I just don't like the word fiance.

Phenious,

I can’t speak to how your call to action will be received but I’m sure that your enthusiasm for Emma and Kevin is widely shared in the peanut gallery. Who here wouldn’t want to help heft the chairs on which these two sat and dance the hora. 

jd

Emma, just rereading around in your blog I feel compelled to repeat your statement, “I agree. If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn’t. Intimacy has increased exponentially and we are closer than ever. I am not afraid to show him physical intimacy – previously I was afraid that intimacy and affection would lead to expectations of sex.”
That this might describe the frame of mind of not just you but that of many younger and older women, of the woman in my life, is a little mind boggling for me. I’m not wanting to dispute this at all but wish you would unpack it for the thick-headed among us (namely me). Accepting the statement that ejaculation control leads to communication and communication to intimacy you seem to be saying that emotional intimacy eliminates your fear of expressing physical intimacy and that from the former flows the latter. But in the next sentence you say that (without ejaculation control) you had feared that intimacy (emotional?) would lead to physical or sexual intimacy. Does the difference between these two have to do with a quantity of intimacy? There is more when he is controlled or when you are controlling him, and reaching a certain threshold trust allows physical affection to be expressed, or is the character of the intimacy simply different. Is it simply that the intimacy with a retaining man, a caged man isn’t predicated on his ultimately being the penetrator and so it is somehow less threatening or more authentic? Is this the sex barter issue?
JD

Posted by: @jd

....... I feel compelled to repeat your statement, “I agree. If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn’t. Intimacy has increased exponentially and we are closer than ever. I am not afraid to show him physical intimacy – previously I was afraid that intimacy and affection would lead to expectations of sex.”

One of the core statements of truth and fact.  When ejaculations are controlled .... good things happen.

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I agree. If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn't.

Truth!

It took us close 7 years of being together before we officially got married. Even then when we did we eloped because fornicate everyone else's expectations. My family is large and many are well off so a wedding is expected.

Even with that I only proposed because I was told I was allowed to. This was well before any FLR aspects, she had always told me she was not sure about marriage to begin with. We picked out a ring together and I got to pick when where and how I did it. Half way into planning we realized it was a shot show and not worth our time, so we decided to do it our way and have fun with it instead. We had a killer 1 year anniversary party though. That was very low key and much more enjoyable. You don't need to be a fiancee for long if that's the only gripe.

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

If ejaculations are controlled, conversations happen and feelings flow freely even though the semen doesn't. 

It's really this simple. What a great quote.  It might also be true to say that conversation happens and feelings especially when the semen doesn't

Yep! I would agree with this. I have learned to be ok with my semen flowing less freely as I have come to deeply value the increased flow of emotions, meaningful conversations, and intimate connections in other ways with my Ladies/Keyholders. Orgasms are still appreciated when they are permitted but there are so many other aspects to value and appreciate.

Love this .........

"Usually in that condition (with the cage) the orgasm becomes almost the only man’s goal: this is not good because for reciprocal happines the final goal is woman’s pleasure (and therefore male pleasure to serve her and finally his own orgasm)."

This is an incredibly important thing for any man that is retaining or having his orgasms/ejaculations controlled. Only the man really ever knows but if the goal for the man is orgasm, it is my belief that there is a structural deficiency in the relationship that will prevent him, and in particular her, from reaping the relationship benefits of orgasm control and retention through chastity.

My wife put me into a chastity cage over 12 years ago and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. This is how we started.

My girlfriend told me about her past where her ex husband was an alcoholic, abusive and he cheated on her so I wasn’t sure how she would react if I proposed so one night I sat down with her and brought out the materials I printed and explained to her about this lifestyle. She was shocked and not very interested so I told her to take the materials home and read them and let me know what you think. I didn’t hear back from her then after 3 days she showed up at my door. She said she read the materials and found them interesting. She said she thinks it can work and would be interested in trying it out. She said she was especially interested in chastity because of her ex cheating on her.

Several weeks later I invited her over for dinner and after dinner I got down on my knee and proposed to her and she accepted. She then told me to stand up and she unzipped my pants pulled them down and reached into her purse and pulled out a chastity cage. She put the ring around my scrotum and attached the cage and put the pad lock on and said this dick belongs to me only.

The next day she said we need to tell her mother and sister about our engagement and said they will not be happy because of her past marriage. We went there and told them the news and they were not happy. She explained that things will be different then told me to stand and she undid my belt and dropped my pants and panties down and showed them my chastity cage then explained to them how our lifestyle will be. She told them she will be the HOH and I will obey her and do as I’m told and I will never cheat since I will be locked up.

We got married and she started with a list of rules I had to follow and a list of chores I will be responsible. Since we’ve been married she has told a couple of her friends from work about me being in chastity and our neighbor across the street.
Our relationship has been great and I don’t mind that some people know about our lifestyle. I am very obedient and I really love being in chastity. In fact on the rare occasions when the cage comes off I want it back on right away because I feel naked without it.

I have to say this sounds like partial or complete fantasy but I applaud the creativity.

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

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Dear Emma!

We registered just to say, thank you!

We discovered your blog recently and binge read it. We have been married for 15 years and always tried to treat eachother as equal partners, but your blog made us realize that equality and balance can be understood on many levels, it can have many forms and we don't need to compromise on what we already have. We started experimenting with the concepts you suggest and began slowly progressing towards a female led relationship, in a caring, gentle and loving way.

We feel that our relationship improved a lot and is continuously improving since we began this journey. Communication and openness is a key and it creates lots of opportunities for increasing the intimacy between us. We introduced a chasity cage and orgasm control into our life a few months ago, we're still in the learning phase and it's a challenge to implement while having kids around, but we both love the dynamic, behavioral change and empowerment it enables.

Just wanted to let you know that what you do is valuable! <3