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True conversion?  

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khorina5
(@khorina5)
Eminent Member

Wonder if anybody else is using chastity for a 'true conversion' for the husband to focus on his Queen and their relationship rather than himself? 

Chastity and orgasm control started us on that path, but it felt still like a game where -although the husband was 'giving more' service & attention- he was still focused on the now delayed reward. When feeling playful, this was not a problem, but as frustration arose it put pressure on Queen to play dominatrix. And in the end, i felt i was still focusing on myself.

Permanent chastity changed this. Sounds difficult and inconvenient (as a cage sounds to a vanilla man) but i feel it's the only way for a true and deep core change. We (men) are too wired and socially conditioned for our own pleasure. Only after totally renouncing to this i could finally start seeing a wider perspective, a better perspective: i am NOT part of a relationship, i wholly BELONG to this relationship. That changes the way i love, my priorities, my focus.

As cages, sounds terrible; i can hear men saying: oh, NO, i am a VERY good husband but i still need to keep the fire in my life going. But here, we know the pleasure is NOT lost, it feels indeed more present. Permanent chastity changes you from the core and i even enjoy now the presence, is like enjoying the whole house rather than only a bedroom. Love, romance, deeply belonging, enjoying parenthood and finally being aware of all those details that make life so beautiful. i can tell you as i've done both: a single deep hug where you give yourself wholly is much better than a year of masturbation (as good as it can be, you can spend some really wild wild nights at hotels).

i finally got that feeling of being one. i used to travel and i always 'separated' things: yes, i was married, but i'd be at a hotel or at work 'feeling single'. Now my Queen is with me everywhere i go, not physically but inside. A whole new level of love. i now see chastity can take you deeper and truly convert you.

 

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Posted : 02/09/2020 5:03 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member

Excellent!!!  I'm so happy whenever I read testimony from those men (and their wives) who are now able to see because the beautiful light that shines upon them, after they have discovered orgasm control and chastity, in whatever form they practice.  It is a truly beautiful thing.

So yes, there are plenty of us blissfully using this lifestyle for a "true conversion".  And it's permanent.  So much so in fact that Wife and i used the occasion of our 15th wedding anniversary to exchange real vows specific to our lifestyle, in an official ceremony, before an Officiant.  It was an incredibly beautiful and emotional event for both of us.  Every 5th wedding anniversary, we would renew our wedding vows in front of an Officiant, in a small, private ceremony that was much like a wedding.  On the 5th and the 10th anniversaries, the ceremonies were normal, vanilla, sincere, deep-love stuff ... each being special and beautiful for both of us.  The ceremonies themselves were brief (15 minutes or so) and private in that there was just the three of us, but public because one (10th) was alongside beautiful Oak Creek at a beautiful resort in Oak Creek, Arizona, and the other (5th) was on the beach, in the middle of the day in beautiful La Jolla, California.  The beach ceremony even drew a small crowd from passers by.  Each was followed course by the requisite honeymoon.  The 15th was held in a massive, outrageously expensive resort villa at a prestigious resort in the Phoenix area.  This one needed to be private because we didn't want to have to explain to strangers why one of us was kneeling during the ceremony and why both of us were (un)dressed the way we were.  It was a spectacular moment for both us.  We each were filled with the very same nervous excitement we had at our wedding, and although we had been happily practicing our lifestyle for a few years leading up to it, it still created a special benchmark in time for our relationship going forward, till death do us part.  So yes, it's permanent!  Did I mention it was amazing?

Posted by: @khorina5

Now my Queen is with me everywhere i go, not physically but inside. A whole new level of love. i now see chastity can take you deeper and truly convert you.

Truer words were never spoken my friend.  Our lives were permanently changed for the better the moment we decided to enter our version of the kind of relationship that is at the core of what Emma's wonderful site here is all about.  

Congratulations ... I'm very happy for you.  Wallowing in true love is special for anyone lucky enough to discover it.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 6:03 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@subhubphx

Kevin described it as seeing our love in black and white. Once we implemented chastity, he saw a new range of love, adoration and affection for me. It was as if he had gone from black and white to color and these new colors were breathtaking. The new colors were so deep and new, so life changing that he never wanted to go back. I blogged about it at one point but I can't recall when.

Ours is a partnership which I define as a female led partnership not a traditional FLR or FLM but a tremendous part of that partnership is service to me. He is no less essential to this relationship and his service to me is no minimization of my respect, love or adoration for him.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 8:22 am
Buellford, spinpole2001, subhubphx and 2 people liked
khorina5
(@khorina5)
Eminent Member

@subhubphx @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j Love it, thanks for your comments! Great description from Kevin!!! 

i'm following a plan for a more complete conversion, from the core to deeply love Her friends and friendships; sounds bad but so far it's great to take this life together and fully live it. It's like all hobbies are becoming together.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 8:59 am
subhubphx liked
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

The new colors were so deep and new, so life changing that he never wanted to go back. I blogged about it at one point but I can't recall when.

Is it possible to also have a "love" button next to a "Like" button?  *smile

I can clearly see that in your relationship with Kevin Emma. I believe one thing that men that live in blissful service to their woman have in common, is being to understand that the goal is NOT to orgasm but rather to have faith in and to trust their woman to manage their orgasms as she sees fit.  Ms. K and I discussed this early on and throughout our journey.  If the man is overly focused on what he might get for good behavior (orgasm), then his essential role in a beautiful loving marriage is less based on her joy and happiness.  In our marriage, it truly is all about her pleasure and happiness in my service to her and with that comes a TREMENDOUS amount of pleasure for me.  My primary source of happiness and pleasure in our marriage.  I lust for that pleasure and long ago gave up equating my orgasms to that pleasure.  To the point where I actually beg her not to allow me to orgasm.  Sounds weird but it's true.  Such was the case last night in fact.  

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

He is no less essential to this relationship and his service to me is no minimization of my respect, love or adoration for him.

Excellent comment and I whole heartedly agree and appreciate!

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Posted : 02/09/2020 9:24 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

It would be interesting to host focus groups for couples that are working on chastity. I wouldn't want to do a couples retreat and try to force chastity on an unwitting couple. I feel like it takes time to research and learn, especial for the female side of the equation. If she thinks she is just indulging his fetishes, it is an exercise in futility until she is able to experience RESULTS.

I was just thinking about a day long workshop for couples that are already bought-in and enjoying a chastity lifestyle. I wonder if this is something others would find interesting once we reach a post-pandemic world. We could pick a city and have a chastity lifestyle summit in some random city. We could expand it to a FLR summit to widen the audience I suppose. Have a couple authors and guest speakers. I would go. 

I think I would gain some perspective by watching other couples interact. One of the reasons that I created this blog is that I felt very alone in this journey with Kevin. It is nice to use others as a sounding board for this type of lifestyle. So much of what we do is trial and error and I've learned much from all of you.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 9:26 am
spinpole2001, subhubphx, khorina5 and 1 people liked
Vikter
(@vikter)
Trusted Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I think I would gain some perspective by watching other couples interact. One of the reasons that I created this blog is that I felt very alone in this journey with Kevin. It is nice to use others as a sounding board for this type of lifestyle. So much of what we do is trial and error and I've learned much from all of you.

That was the crux of my pitch to my wife about why I thought it would be a good idea to explore her on her own time and not just what articles I happened to send. It is easier to do something when you have support network of some kind. 

A weekend retreat of some kind sounds interesting, fun and hopefully insightful. Would there also be punch and pie? More people will come if there is punch and pie. 

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Posted : 02/09/2020 9:45 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin
Posted by: @vikter

Would there also be punch and pie? More people will come if there is punch and pie. 

I think punch and pie would be essential to an event like this. I've already got y'all drinking my kool aid.

 

Kool-Aid Man Mystery Flavor Sweepstakes

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Posted : 02/09/2020 9:53 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Breakout discussion groups with just the ladies or just the guys. Could we do something like this with Zoom now? Would anyone participate?

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Posted : 02/09/2020 9:58 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I was just thinking about a day long workshop for couples that are already bought-in and enjoying a chastity lifestyle. I wonder if this is something others would find interesting once we reach a post-pandemic world. We could pick a city and have a chastity lifestyle summit in some random city. We could expand it to a FLR summit to widen the audience I suppose. Have a couple authors and guest speakers. I would go. 

I think it's an amazing idea and We/i would go to, assuming the logistics allowed it.  

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I feel like it takes time to research and learn, especial for the female side of the equation. If she thinks she is just indulging his fetishes, it is an exercise in futility until she is able to experience RESULTS.

This,  1000%!!!  If I could figure out how to put up arrows in, I'd do that here.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 10:12 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Breakout discussion groups with just the ladies or just the guys. Could we do something like this with Zoom now? Would anyone participate?

Yes!

 

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Posted : 02/09/2020 10:14 am
Vikter
(@vikter)
Trusted Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I would be down it. My wife is undecided. 

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Posted : 02/09/2020 10:37 am
dm6360
(@dm6360)
Active Member

With travel restrictions like they are, we would love a zoom meeting.

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Posted : 02/09/2020 4:11 pm
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member

Any additional interest in Zoom focus group meeting???

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Posted : 26/09/2020 4:28 pm
dharmaproject
(@dharmaproject)
Active Member

I’d be willing to do a Zoom meeting at this stage in the pandemic. Once things settle down, I’d love to do something in person and meet other couples that do this. I think with enough planning and notice, there would be a good attendance. 

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Posted : 26/09/2020 5:52 pm
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