Masturbation is a huge part of our sexuality. We all masturbate and taking matters into our own hands is nothing to be ashamed of. The problems come when masturbation causes conflict in the relationship. Problems occur when the masturbation of one partner gets in the way of the sexual or emotional needs of the other. Some feel that masturbation is a healthy part of a relationship and others feel that masturbation is cheating.
Male sex hormones are very different and cause different reactions and behavior. By its very design, the male orgasm causes men to shut down and become distant so limiting orgasms makes sense for relationships where emotional distance is a problem. For most men, masturbation is a daily habit that increases the amount of emotional distance on a daily basis. If this sounds like your guy, consider some corrective discussions to bring communication and closeness back to your relationship.
For us, orgasm doesn't have the same impact and really doesn't have negative emotional consequences. If you go on a vibrator binge, there is some desensitization that can occur for your clit. If you are used to clitoral orgasms from your hitachi power wand, you may not be able to orgasm as easily from clitoral stimulation during sex.
As with every part of your relationship, communication is key to success. Why shouldn't masturbation be discussed? When masturbation is hidden, it causes confusion and resentment. Before you commit to having sex, ask him when he last masturbated and gauge your sexual response accordingly. Below are some recommendations to help keep his sexual interest and give him the tools to minimize his masturbation habits. Rather than complaining that your husband masturbates too much, have a conversation with him about his masturbation and the impact on your relationship.
Imagine if you are laying down in bed and expecting to have sex and you remember to ask him when he last masturbated. He sheepishly responds and tells you that he masturbated earlier that day. You recognize that his sexual hunger is mostly satiated and acknowledge that he will have very little sexual energy left for you. We've all experienced that half-hard guy who keeps slipping out and it certainly isn't my idea of the perfect sexual experience.
Rather than react with anger or disappointment, make it a game for him. Since his sexual needs have already been met, have him sit beside you while you masturbate. Perhaps you can bring a chair into the bedroom and ask him to sit across from you and watch you pleasure yourself. Watching you orgasm will spur many of those hormones that will help build that connection. He may not be permitted to have an orgasm but he will certainly be permitted to enjoy watching you have yours. …
