Sexual confidence is about one thing, taking control. Once you are in control confidence comes naturally but feeling like you are worthy of taking control is another thing entirely. Let's start by talking about why your sexual confidence matters. Sexual confidence doesn't come from being "good in bed" or having a perfect body. Sexual confidence is feeling comfortable with whatever body you have. From fit to fat to everything in between, it is about believing that you are worthy of receiving sexual attention and being able to properly explain what you want from your partner.
Face it, as women we rule the world when it comes to sex. The entire concept of sexy revolves around the female body. Society's pressure to have the perfect body is squarely on our shoulders. This means that we are at much higher risk of experiencing body dysmorphia and other psychological strains due to expectations that we perceive.
My sex confidence came from allowing myself to experience sex with someone that I didn't care about emotionally. He was gorgeous but we didn't have much in common. While I liked looking at his gym-chiseled-body he wasn't much of a conversationalist unless you want to talk about the latest keto fad or yesterday's workout. Was I using him for his body? Yes! Does that bother me? No! It is about believing that you deserve pleasure and setting expectations about what you want from sex. Mismatched expectations about sex often result in feelings of not being good enough or guilt when it comes to sexuality.
Women rule the world when it comes to sex and don't allow yourself to forget it. In a relationship or outside of a relationship, you control the flow of sex in the relationship. Within a relationship, you should also control his sexual/orgasmic allocation as well. If you are an avid reader of this site or follow female led relationships, you know the hormonal changes within his body draw him closer or pull him away from you emotionally. When he is close emotionally you naturally feel more secure and sexually confident. When he is distant emotionally, it is natural that you question the relationship and question your own sexual worth.
One of the keys is separating sex from orgasm for him. For guys, this doesn't come very natural but it changes his focus in a very good way. When men are focused on the goal of orgasm, they find it challenging to focus on the road to get to that goal. My Kev knows to stop when he gets close and redirect his attention to pulling out and giving me physical attention in other ways. When the action stops and I feel him caressing my body, I know the sacrifice that he made. I receive each bit of his effort as a token/testament of his love and commitment to our relationship.
As part of a female led relationship, I strongly recommend using a chastity cage as a tool to strengthen the bond in your relationship. The cage allows you to allocate his sexual pleasure to a schedule that you feel comfortable with. This is a learning process and is different with every guy. As a general rule of thumb, I would say that most men should not ejaculate more than once per week. With that said, most men ejaculate at least 5 times per week and many of them are more than once per day. Challenge him to track it, I think you will be disappointed and it may shed some light on challenges with the emotional connection and communication in your relationship. The cage can be a wonderful part of your day to day relationship, tell him when it goes on and when it goes off. …
