Non-monogamy for fun and profit!

I am normally better about posting on a weekly basis but it has been three weeks, sorry y'all. I'm fine and I hope you are too. More of my friends have been sick with Covid in the last two weeks than I can count so we've been staying at home. Last night Kev took me out for dinner so that helped take me out of my funk. Anyway. This blog isn't about Covid, my funk or Kev's locked bits and pieces. It is about dating, mating, relating, non-monogamy and other stuff I've been thinking about. This one may be more about me than most of my blogs because I've had more time to think on it. I'll apologize in advance for my many pop culture references. Enjoy and I'll try to be much more bloggier for all of you. I missed you. Yeah you.

The entire hookup culture is mostly foreign to me. I am a serial monogamist because I like the safety and security that I get with a partner. I have codependent tendencies but it isn't about reinforcing those tendencies, it is about feeling more comfortable in a partnered life than in an unpartnered life. I feel safer with someone to have my back. My internal Bonnie likes to have a Clyde around. Am I more codependent than most, probably. Am I self aware enough to make sure that I understand where codependency starts and ends, I think I am. My therapist says she thinks Kev and I have a healthy relationship but sometimes I feel like she is telling me what I want to hear. I am so far off track, let's screech those brakes and get back to hookup culture.

Hookup culture is the very definition of non-monogamy but how can it exist in a monogamist society? Why does it exist at all when our society is so set on the partnered life? There is a yin yang relationship between many opposites when it comes to relationships. Whether we are talking about the relationship between monogamy to nonmonogamy or codependency to counterdependency, balance is important. Balance is important with so many things. Finding a balance is important in other parts of life such as sobriety and alcoholism, unemployment and being a workaholic. The hookup culture is a manifestation of our dopamine driven side of strategic pluralism. What is strategic pluralism? Keep reading.

Strategic pluralism is the fascinating idea that women seek out two different types of men depending on hormonal levels. Our mate choice mechanism is wired for two very different types of selectors. One selector looks for men who are... fucking hot. Handsome, great genes, great fitness and very strong male characteristics. We do this during the most fertile part of our ovulatory cycle. The other selector seeks out men who are not out of our league. Specifically men who are more likely to make us feel secure by investing their time and resources. We seek this type of man when we are in less fertile parts of our ovulatory cycle. You read that right, we are basically hard wired to partner with a nice guy but seek hookups with the hot guy. I don't mean "nice guy" in the incel asshole definition. I mean the nice guy in the he would make a great partner way.

Ok so we look for a quality partner most of the time but our eyes will wander when we are most fertile due to hormones. That means we are hard wired to cheat, right? I don't know if that is true but our reproductive system has a job to do and many of us don't want to reproduce. We even take pills to short circuit our reproductive system. When you track your cycle, do you find yourself most horny when you are most fertile? Of course you do. Do you find that your eyes wander more frequently when you are most fertile? I'll bet you do.…