Does your partner know what you love most about him?

Our partner really only knows what we tell them and the rest is based upon conjecture from our actions or their own past experiences. It is important that you share what you love most about your partner so he or she knows the value and esteem that they hold in your eyes. This should be obvious, right? I love everything about him! Ok captain vague, let's get very specific and intentional about letting him/her know how you feel. This is written from my perspective toward my husband Kev but I think many of you would benefit by doing something similar. You don't need to write it out, that is just my style because I like to be certain that nothing remains unsaid. For most; a conversation would be more than sufficient.

Why does our society encourage partnerships? What is the purpose of marriage? Leo Tolstoy (War and Peace) once said "Love does not exist. There exists the physical need for intercourse and the rational need for a mate in life." I know that the hormonal cocktail that we call love does exist but in the purest form, I think Count Tolstoy is right. We want love but during the times that love fades, we still need to meet our most basic needs. Does your partner satisfy the most basic physical needs of intercourse? How about the rational need for a mate in life? Does he know if you ever feel deficient in one of those categories? When both of those boxes are checked, does he know it?

Being intentional and specific about the things that your partner adds to your life ensures that those things will never disappear. If he fills a void of any kind in your life, he should know that this brings great value to you. This is reassurance of your relationship quality. If he is scolded only when a certain need is not met but not praised when all of your needs are satiated then he may think that your relationship is always operating from a place of deficit. He may think that he is always less than enough to satisfy you. While this may result in a man who is always pushing to satisfy and striving to go the extra mile, it can be exhausting and demotivating.

I have a innate need for security and safety in a relationship which comes from relationship uncertainty that my mom had in her life. She ingrained the importance of emotional stability and security in me and that instilled certain needs that I seek from a partner. You give me a sense of stability and comfort that I need. You satiate my rational need for a mate in life. You provide for me financially and while this makes me sound like I am a gold digger, I'm really not that shallow and you don't have that much gold to dig. I think my desire really comes down to society's traditional roles of the male breadwinner and female caregiver. I don't need you to be a millionaire, I just need to feel like my basic needs will be met and my life won't be a struggle. I want to live comfortably with you and I want to be dependent with you but I also want to be independent from you. We don't plan to have children together but I think the maternal instinct comes to play here too. A partner with power, influence and money makes me feel like I will be able to care for children. Those imaginary future kids that I never plan on mothering but my body tells me that I need to prepare for. Yep, those kids.

…