This won't be a blog to validate non-monogamy or cuckolding, that is a topic for another day. In this blog I am simply exploring the appeal among men and women for a cuckold type relationship. Cuckolding for those new to the conversation is when a woman has sex with another man outside her primary relationship. While I know that other variations exist, I'll limit the discussion to that scenario alone. A myopic view of cuckolding will help us analyze this more closely without getting too sidetracked by other variations. We can hit those up in a future blog if necessary. I'll also state up front that I dislike the term cuckold and much prefer the term poly-friending which I see as a better and healthier explanation of this type of relationship. I'm going to bite the bullet and use the term that I dislike. Just know that I wince each time I type it.
Why would a woman want to take a lover while she is in a committed relationship with a man? This defies many of our societal norms and has the potential to erode a marriage/primary relationship. Women in our society are treated as objects to be won and their affection something to be earned or purchased rather than given freely. While the female sexuality is stunted, she consumes birth control drugs that further compound the muting of her sexuality. Taking a lover awakens the sexuality within her and makes her feel desired. To experience chemistry and newness that disappears in even the best committed long term relationship. This is natural, those butterflies don't stay around forever and they feel good. Really good. Taking a lover allows her to feel those things again that awaken her sexuality and feel new, different and desired. This doesn't mean that the husband has any flaws whatsoever, this isn't about him. This is about her and her ability to experience sexuality. The man is her support network; her emotional partner and if she is lucky, her best friend.
Women are arguably more complex when it comes to love. Women experience emotions more intensely then men and share their emotions more freely. While there is an argument of whether the dichotomy is nature/nurture, the difference exists. Many strong emotional male partners recognize this difference and make strides to understand the changes that they can make to help ensure that her needs are fully met. Aside from emotionally supporting her, there isn't much he can do about things outside of his area of influence such as her work and drama in her family and circle of friends.
Why would a man want his wife/partner to take a physical lover while in a relationship? In our society, the term cuck has been equated to weak and emasculated men but that hasn't always been the case. Throughout history men have shared their mates in sexual nonmonogamy while maintaining a strong primary emotional relationship with her. If he is committed to supporting her physical and emotional needs; he wants her to be happy. For a closely bonded couple, her happiness is capable of bringing him joy through compersion. Men have an innate need to see their partner's needs satisfied and cuckolding is a way to ensure that she be satisfied.
For many men, watching his partner is one of the most arousing experiences the he can ask for but what are some common reasons women cite for bringing outside physical intimacy for the female?
- New sexual energy to boost her stalled/struggling libido.
- Boost in her self esteem and sexual self-image.
- Overcoming the man's shortcomings whether perceived or actual. (impotency, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, smaller size etc).
- Wanting to fulfill a fantasy that they have discussed.
- Mismatched sexual libidos.
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