People base their self esteem on many different things including their job, material possessions and interpersonal relationships. If their job is going well, they feel good about themselves. If their relationships with friends are going well, they feel good about themselves. For many of us, including myself, sex is an enormous indicator of how I feel about myself.
In psychological circles, this is called Sexual CSW or SCSW. For people that exhibit this trait, sexual relationships are the underlying basis for their sense of perceived well being. I started thinking about this after our guest contributor's post about painful sex and some thought about others with various sexual dysfunctions.
Sexual self worth is prevalent in both women and men. Women often see sex as a representation of their womanhood and many see a prolific sex life as an indication of a successful marriage or relationship. Men on the other hand frequently link sexual success to their identity as a man. Many men see a man who is unable to procreate as not a man at all. Impotence can be one of the most psychologically impactful things that a man can go through.
There couldn't be a bigger myth. Most men care deeply about the sexual satisfaction of their mate whether his partner is a one night stand or twenty year marriage. When a woman has an orgasm during a sexual experience with a man, he feels like he is a complete stud. A woman's orgasm gives him a greater sense of masculinity and self esteem. When a woman has an orgasm, the man feels responsible even though it is true, that nobody ever "gives" someone an orgasm. If a woman has an orgasm, it does mean that her affection and comfort with the man is genuine and she feels comfortable with him. I for one, have never experienced an orgasm in a scenario where I felt uncomfortable. I would venture to say that I am not alone. Comedian Amy Schumer has a message for men who don't give their women orgasms.
On the flip side, many women find male ejaculation and sexual satisfaction core to their worth as a woman. While this isn't to say that women are to be used for their sexuality, male orgasm does help validate sexual worth for many women. Many women It is something they experience together.
What about men and women who inorgasmic or simply unable to reach orgasm with a partner? How does that impact the happiness and long term viability of a relationship? In many cases an inorgasmic partner (male or female) may be just fine with the way things are. The other, orgasmic partner may feel like they left their partner unsatisfied or that they aren't good enough. Although men and women with inorgasmia may experience difficulty reaching orgasm, they still enjoy the psychological benefits of intimacy with with their partner. They still experience the deep connection that sex brings.…
