The stay at home spouse is an increasingly popular role as families adapt to the absence of in-person school. Many men and women are choosing to take a step back from work and focus on the family. As I write this blog, I will do my best to keep it gender neutral since it applies to both men and women who take this role. At the end of the blog I will recap some of ideas for male stay at home partners since I have some personal experience there.
Without a routine it can be difficult for complete tasks that are set out for him. I have an expectation that an alarm will be set no later than 7am to begin his day. The shared task list will ensure that things are actually getting done and his productivity can be rewarded. The shared list also allows her to add new things to the list and help keep her plate full by delegating household tasks to him. This includes setting doctors appointments, car repairs, home improvement projects and other tasks. Stretch his expectations to learn new skills and do household labor that would otherwise be paid to a painter, gardener or handy man. The cop-out of not knowing how to do something is moot with YouTube on his side; he can learn most any skill if properly inclined.
This one is the least tangible item in the list but it is perhaps one of the most important. Gaining perspective and focus is about separating yourself from the day to day and doing something that gives your life meaning. This can be personal development, reading, yoga, online classes, learning a language, playing a musical instrument. If you stop learning, you lose your sense of self. This can also be some sort of hobby or side-hustle, it can be anything that brings your spouse joy in their life. It is unfair for your spouse to expect you to be everything as we can't be everything to everyone. Gaining perspective an focus is about soaking in the bigger picture, staying positive and making sure that your needs aren't dwarfed by the other person.
There is nothing worse than coming home to a spouse that is still in pajamas and never took a shower. There is an expectation the he or she will be showered and dressed every day shortly after his alarm. The act of getting dressed will start his day off with motivation and the routine will discourage laziness.
Part of this goes with dressing appropriately but if a spouse is staying home, he or she is expected to maintain a certain level of fitness. If I am working a job, it may be difficult to hit the gym every day and supplement my workout with some home exercises. I am not saying that I expect him to be some musclebound gym stud but I have an expectation of being able to appreciate an above average fitness level if I am the primary breadwinner. This may sound sexist or perhaps a callous expectation but if I am bringing home the paycheck I have certain expectations. Fitness inspires productivity and a fit boyfriend keeps my arousal levels high which is key for both of us.
When I come home, the last thing I want is to be hounded by my spouse. When coming home, I want to decompress and relax prior to hearing about all of the day's problems and accomplishments. I'm proud of you honey, I really am. Just give me some time and space.…
