Keeping it Light

Posted by: @steph

A recent study shows that women who are a little overweight live longer than the men who mention it.

STEALING THIS ONE!

Wife to Husband:  I am taking these clothes to donate to Goodwill.

Husband:  Why are you doing that?

Wife:  There are lots of starving women out there that could wear them.

Husband:  Any women that can wear your clothes are not starving.

News Story Lead:  Man admitted to hospital with head injuries.

The husband asks his wife why she married him.

She says because he is so funny.

The husband says he thought it was because he is so good in bed.

The wife says See your hilarious!

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back to you it is yours forever.

If it doesn't come back it never was yours to start with.

If it just lies on the sofa and grunts, you married it and it doesn't know you set it free.

Oh, this is my kind of thread...

Marriage is a lot like being a meteorologist. No matter what you say, you're still wrong.

The key to keeping a woman satisfied in bed is to not wake her up.

There are three stages of married sex: Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. Early on, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. But by the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

I made a mistake.  I realized my mistake.  I apologized. 

She made a mistake.  I told her it was her mistake.  I realized my mistake.  I apologized.

It seems everybody has their own holiday.

Mothers have Mother's Day.

Fathers have Father's  Day.

Young Lovers have Valentines Day.

Sigle Men have Palm Sunday.

Condoms come in 2 packs.  These are for the high school jocks.  One for Friday night and one for Saturday.

They come in 6 packs.  These are for the college frat rats.  3 for Friday night and 3 for Saturday night.

They come in 12 packs.  These are for the husbands.  One for January, One for February, One for March....  

Brunette:  I slept with a Brazillian last week.

Blonde:     You slut!  How many is a Brazillian?

Who ever snuck the "S" in "fast food" Was a marketing genius.