I am interested in the seeming contradiction between removing sex for the husband (which Emma identified as a risk in your response on this post Ask Emma: Should I Tell My Husband to Get a Surrogate Sex Partner? - Evolving Your Man) and removing sex as part of a cuckold relationship.
Emma identifies the following dangers of denying sex to the husband
You wrote that you don’t want to be the one carrying the burden of his desire, that being “enough” feels like pressure. I get it. Desire can feel heavy when it’s mismatched. But let’s consider what happens if you push his needs out the door and wipe your hands of it.
Here’s what I see happening:
- He starts seeking out casual encounters.
- Those encounters inevitably develop into repeat experiences because men crave familiarity as much as novelty.
- He bonds with her—whether you want him to or not.
- You feel a growing distance from him.
- The core of your relationship, your emotional connection erodes because you’ve distanced yourself sexually.
- The long term viability of your relationship is threatened.
It’s not that you’ll lose him to another woman as much as he will lose himself as a connected husband. You’ll have him as a roommate, a co-parent, or a financial partner, but you won’t feel the warmth of emotional intimacy.
But you’re not protecting your value by withholding. You’re diminishing it. You’re turning yourself into a sexual gatekeeper rather than a sexual partner. Sex doesn’t cheapen you. Withholding sex cheapens the intimacy you share.
Marriage is about exchange. He gives, you give. And if you’re closing the door on one of the biggest needs men have, sexual closeness then what fills the gap? You can say “love,” you can say “companionship,” but to him, love and sex are intertwined. By cutting off sex, you’re not just cutting off orgasms, you’re cutting off intimacy. You’re cutting off the sense of being wanted by his wife. And if another woman offers him what you won’t, it’s unrealistic to think he won’t seek a closer bond with her.
However in a cuckold relationship the husband is mostly in chastity and even if not, from what I've read, the cuckold wife denies access to sex as part of the relationship and the husband is simply on cleanup duty and is intentionally denied any form of sex since only the bull is worthy of sex.
How are the dangers to the relationship by denying sex, reduced or mitigated?
Ok I'm going out on a limb here and say no not all cuckolding relationships go that way nope hell in 99.9% The gole is in most cases the couple fucks like bunny's ..... Now here things a painted a different way .... Not all of it is .... This or that but it's potential is the way Emma and Kev do things
They really are a one off mostly..... And stuff you see in pron and storytelling god that can not be trusted most of the people I know and I know a few would never do one tenth of what's covered on here
But then again there is a demand for it .... I'm still trying to figure out why what and how ...
I'm still trying to make sense of it all well and also be there with tools to help people out
I am interested in the seeming contradiction between removing sex for the husband (which Emma identified as a risk in your response on this post Ask Emma: Should I Tell My Husband to Get a Surrogate Sex Partner? - Evolving Your Man) and removing sex as part of a cuckold relationship.
Emma identifies the following dangers of denying sex to the husband
You wrote that you don’t want to be the one carrying the burden of his desire, that being “enough” feels like pressure. I get it. Desire can feel heavy when it’s mismatched. But let’s consider what happens if you push his needs out the door and wipe your hands of it.
Here’s what I see happening:
- He starts seeking out casual encounters.
- Those encounters inevitably develop into repeat experiences because men crave familiarity as much as novelty.
- He bonds with her—whether you want him to or not.
- You feel a growing distance from him.
- The core of your relationship, your emotional connection erodes because you’ve distanced yourself sexually.
- The long term viability of your relationship is threatened.
It’s not that you’ll lose him to another woman as much as he will lose himself as a connected husband. You’ll have him as a roommate, a co-parent, or a financial partner, but you won’t feel the warmth of emotional intimacy.
But you’re not protecting your value by withholding. You’re diminishing it. You’re turning yourself into a sexual gatekeeper rather than a sexual partner. Sex doesn’t cheapen you. Withholding sex cheapens the intimacy you share.
Marriage is about exchange. He gives, you give. And if you’re closing the door on one of the biggest needs men have, sexual closeness then what fills the gap? You can say “love,” you can say “companionship,” but to him, love and sex are intertwined. By cutting off sex, you’re not just cutting off orgasms, you’re cutting off intimacy. You’re cutting off the sense of being wanted by his wife. And if another woman offers him what you won’t, it’s unrealistic to think he won’t seek a closer bond with her.
However in a cuckold relationship the husband is mostly in chastity and even if not, from what I've read, the cuckold wife denies access to sex as part of the relationship and the husband is simply on cleanup duty and is intentionally denied any form of sex since only the bull is worthy of sex.
How are the dangers to the relationship by denying sex, reduced or mitigated?
Q: How are the dangers to the relationship by denying sex, reduced or mitigated?
A: The answer to this will be different for every couple. 1. Many men (especially those who are submissive by nature) will accept their situation. 2. Others who would normally rebel, will accept their situation after being trained to submit to female authority after years of systematic domination by mothers, older sisters, female teachers etc. as boys 3. Others who would normally rebel, will accept their situation after being trained into gradually longer periods of enforced chastity by their wife or GF / keyholder (the constant throbbing sexual frustration has a way to breaking down his resistance) 4. Others will simply do as you say and form a relationship with another woman.
JMHO - The most successful scenario would be to have sex with his wife be a rare treat rather than a privilege. The best example I can give for this is from a comment posted here a while ago:
My husband found chastity extremely difficult to get used to. His emotions used to begin with polite requests for release, then burning resentment, then whining to angry outbursts. I was steadfast and firm that he would remain locked till I decide otherwise, and the date and time is entirely at my discretion and with no prior notice to him. His mood swings would culminate in crying and begging me on his knees. When he began to cry, I would nurse him at my breasts and tell him that he must learn to live locked until I decide to release him. Over time he has learnt that no matter how and what he says or does, only I decide. He knows that I love to keep him very hard for a woman, but securely locked. His pleasure and desire should be focused upon me. I am pleased to report that now he has almost (never hundred percent!); reconciled and has accepted his situation. When the frustration begins to overwhelm him, I always comfort him, telling him to suck my breasts, while reminding him he has not yet done enough to earn a release. 😊
I am single I would like to find a hot couple to play with OR a poly gf. BUT, I want sex with her all the time, I have no desire to be treated badly or to be told no. I will leave. I want her to have her fun but come to me at the end of the night.
nice