I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the blog post on the perceived unfairness of a cuckold, hotwife, or stag/vixen dynamic.  That post is what brought me to this site and has encapsulated so much of how I've felt the last few years.  

Just to give a little background, I'd been married vanilla in a sexless relationship that lost its spark for many years.  We both knew that the passion and fire had died, but had no roadmap on how to fix it.  I retreated into porn and found hotwife/cuckold themed porn.  This led me on a spiral of porn addiction and masturbation for years.  

After my marriage ended, I knew I wanted to explore.  I joined sites, chatted with women.  I dated in the kink realm.  I eventually found someone and we entered a swinging dynamic, but actually found that created more stress and unhappiness.  Men join the swinging lifestyle thinking it will be a neverending well of women they will get to have sex with and all of their desires will be fulfilled.  What you quickly find out is that your wife or girlfriend is the star.  She is in demand.  Men and couples want her, and it's almost irrelevant if you're there or not.  You begin to become a gatekeeper.  All of it becomes transactional as you negotiate with the male partners of other couples about how and when you will swap partners and what rules there are.  I would find myself leaving events actually jealous of her because it was so easy for her.  She would show up and her energy would attract people.  I was fighting, scratching, and clawing to find whatever opportunities I could find.  It was a ton of energy spent on pursuit.  And, it was typically less satisfying than the sex I was already having with my partner.  But, secretly, I knew that I was finding my greatest joy out of seeing her being pursued, seeing her play, and have experiences.  That was a juxtaposition my male brain was not ready to accept.  I felt like I had to pursue and that my worth was tied to the experiences that I had, not the experiences that "we" had.

For several reasons, my last relationship ended a couple years ago.  I then met my now partner.  It was different to begin with.  She is magnetic.  She draws attention wherever she goes and I was enthralled with it.  We had great conversations of goals and what makes us happy in the lifestyle and beyond.  She has no issue if I wanted to pursue someone else, but I found that with the communication we have along with the sex we have, it's not necessary.  And, we haven't put ourselves in a position to fail like attending swinger centric events.  

Just like with my last relationship, play for her is easy.  I haven't concerned myself with the hunt, and no opportunities have come my way, which has been fine.  It has allowed me the breathing space to appreciate her fully.  To immerse myself in our journey, her beauty, and her magnetism.  She has been very inclusive and makes sure that any play she has is clearly communicated to me as "our experience."  Her dates are "our dates."  Whether I'm there, watching, only getting photos/videos, or listening, it's an us thing.  That makes us whole.

That brings me to this blog post and how it encapsulates what I've felt for a while.  Equal access to opportunity in any lifestyle dynamic is rarely possible as women will always be more in demand.  It comes down to how comfortable you are with that reality and how you process it.  Do you let it make you jealous and chase something that isn't attainable?  Or, do you lean into it and see it as part of your connection and how do you harness that energy?

the biggest lightbulb moment for me was knowing that while she has variety in experiences and actual physical sex with other people, I have variety and depth of feeling.  I get to enjoy what she is giving me.  I get so much more variety than the average man who lives a typical sex life.  I've done MFM's with her.  I've watched her.  I've listened on the phone.  I've gotten videos.  I've received photos.  We have swiped on dating apps for her.  We have talked about possible experiences.  That creates such a depth of possibility that I'm always experiencing something new.  It's so erotically charged and truly "completes the loop" as the post states.  She calls it "balance".  I cannot agree more.

And, is unequal really unfair?  As a middle aged male, I am keenly aware that I am now only capable of so many erections and ejaculations in a given week.  If I spend that energy in pursuit of another female, it inherently takes something away from her.  I may not be ready for her if I've had sex with another woman earlier that day, and is that fair to her and our relationship?  Conversely, she can entertain a man in the morning, another in the afternoon, and then me in the evening as we talk about her escapades of the day.  This has actually happened and is so exciting and rewarding.  It wouldn't be the same if I spent that energy on a woman earlier and then tried to use pills or will myself to be ready for her.

Ultimately, I think it really is all about the balance of masculine and feminine energy.  As men, we are there to support and protect when needed.  I also agree women get bored in sex more easily.  If we are able to create a stable and loving environment where our partners feel free to be themselves, we can only reap the rewards.  But, getting past the myth of the male ego that we have to always be on the hunt ourselves, is the key in modern relationships.

Thank you so much for this beautiful writing @evolvingyourman-2 .  I'm looking forward to more, because there is so much truth in it.  Would love to create a dialogue around these dynamics and know if others have discovered the same things I have.