I'd first like to thank Ruined-Julie for contributing this post. Full disclosure, Kevin and I tried the ruined orgasm and it didn't work well for us. Julie's writing certainly makes me want to give it another try. I did some quick editing but not too much. Thanks again Julie!
The "ruined orgasm" is a sexual technique that provides intense sensations that you can use in the bedroom to send your partner into sexual ecstasy. It is also, without a doubt, the least understandable technique and is largely under-used to bring even more pleasure to both partners.
This post is primarily intended for women, but gentlemen, you are also invited to read it (and if you like it, then I encourage you to pass it on to your wife, partner or girlfriend). I hope this post will correct some of the misconceptions about the "ruin" of male orgasm, convince you to try it (tonight for example), and help you learn how to achieve it properly. Even if you don't succeed the first few times the learning process alone is intensely fun for both of you and once you learn to perform things correctly the reward will surprise you.
I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word "ruined". It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant, something you would do to someone you don't really love. Presumably, you love your man. You want him to be happy. Orgasms make him happy and you like to give him big and wonderful orgasms. Why would you want to "ruin" his orgasms? It doesn't make any sense.
The name is simply inaccurate. A perfectly "ruined" orgasm is still an orgasm! It is not ruined (in the sense of annihilating, spoiling) at all! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL - especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking!Â
The orgasm called "ruined" is a special kind of climax, reached in a very specific way, which triggers a slightly different sequence of physical, emotional and hormonal reactions in his body. He or she will experience the "ruined" orgasm in a profoundly different way than a "classic" orgasm. For a man who is used to receiving and expecting a "classic" orgasm (i.e. all men), the sudden surprise of new, unexpected and different sensations could be mistaken for disappointment. I think that's where the term "ruined" comes from. He hopes for a very specific fantastic sensation, but you give him a slightly different (but still fantastic) feeling instead, and his irrational instinctive reaction may be frustration.…
There is a fine line between a ‘ruined’ orgasm and just edging. I have practised for years on my hubby and I still don’t get it right every time. There are so many variables, as Julie mentions, that in my experience no two times are ever the same.
However edging can be very rewarding for both of you even if you never get to any sort of orgasm. If you can keep your man on the brink for a sustained period of time, only to eventually watch him deflate without reaching his peak and then lock his cage back on, you will find yourself with a very devoted partner. One who craves that experience again and will give you pleasure ten fold in the hope of a repeat.
There’s a techniques that I’ve used if I think he’s gone too far and is about to cum. It is to press the palm of my hand down quite hard on his helmet – it doesn’t always work but is reasonably successful and sometimes it can turn an ‘ordinary’ orgasm into a ruined one.
I have heard that gripping the balls and twisting will also take away that moment of release, but it sound a bit brutal for me and I haven’t tried it.
But all in all I am a big advocate of edging and, if you can master the technique, ruined orgasms as one of the other side effects is that he doesn’t then get that post orgasmic crash and the grumpiness that often come with it for two or three days afterwards.
Exactly @mstara.
It has many ways to ruin an orgasm. The one detailed above is the most common and the only one I practice. I personally find the others more invasive and less pleasurable for both me and him.
But if people are interested in learning about other “harder” methods let me know and I will send Emma a short summary of the different techniques known.
mstara – Good post you have. If any other ladies read this I would add that a ruined orgasm i.e. stroking him just to the point of orgasm, then quickly removing any further stimulation drives 98% of males wild with sexual frustration. Doing this after weeks of lock up, then relocking him will normally turn him into putty in your hands. Just be prepared for lots of crying and begging.
Most of my experiences with ruined orgasms have been unpleasant, and I think a big part of that is that they have usually been the result of us accidentally taking things too far. The surprise and disappointment of it happening when I have been trying to hold back interfere with the possibility of enjoying it.
I like Ruined-Julie’s point about negative experiences of ruined orgasms being the result of dissonance between the expectation and reality. I think this probably puts the woman in a position to influence how he experiences a ruined orgasm, depending on whether she wants to use it to build up his frustration and arousal, or to give him a pleasant experience. If I were told what was coming and that I was meant to enjoy it, this would probably reduce the shock and frustration so that I could focus on the pleasant sensations. On the other hand, if I were surprised that the orgasm was being ruined, if I were distracted by unpleasant sensations (like those MsTara suggests), or if my attention were drawn to the denial aspect rather than the potentially pleasurable experience, this would probably make enjoying it very difficult and would just result in frustration.
It all depends on how you’re having a ruined orgasm. If it’s only a ruined orgasm during a cage release it can actually be frustrating.
Personally I see it more as a mouthful before moving on to other more serious games.
Finally as it is said and repeated over and over again, communicate, that is the most important point, and believe me, strawberry filled chocolate can be very pleasant even when you expect to find caramel.
Hi Julie,
first of all: “Welcome !” – it is nice that You are taking part.
Yes, a ruined orgasm IS very frustrating during a cage release. After a long time …
What do You mean by “I see it more as a mouthful before moving on to other more serious games” ?
Best regards,
Markus
This is an outstanding and we’ll written article.
You explained everything so perfectly.
Before I was not sure interested, but now I really want to give this a try.
I will definitely show this article to my wife.
Thank you Julie and Emma.
We had mostly written off ruined orgasms as something that simply wasn’t for us (like spankings) however I think this has convinced us (me) to give them another attempt or two.
You really should give it another try. What Emma wrote is the truth. Take it from a man that has actually become accustomed to preferring a ruined orgasm to a full-on orgasm because of continued constant state of arousal that follows.
subhubphx
p.s. Why did you give up on spankings?
There were a few times when I raised my hand (in a loving way) and he jumped as if I was going to hit him. I realized that I may be causing more harm than good. Here is some more information.
https://evolvingyourman.com/2019/05/29/does-it-work/
I love this! Please post more guestpost ?
Yes, this was great guest post! Enjoyed it thoroughly and it gives you all a break from my nonsensical rambling.
Nonsense … your “ramblings” are marvelous and very sensical (is that a word?). Thank you!
YES !!!! I agree
I think there is a problem of definition of what is an orgasm for men.
I would tend to exclude the mechanical/physical reaction that is ejaculation from the definition to be more in line with what women feel when they have an orgasm.
To me ejaculation is not an orgasm, at least not necessarily and that’s where ruined orgasm is placed. A ruined orgasm is a process that takes away the orgasm and leave the man with just the physical reaction. He doesn’t feel the pleasure that is (usually) linked to it.
As you stated though, it has many advantages not to reach the orgasm climax and only limit a man to the ejaculation: he won’t have the same hormones charge and arousal and erection can be maintained.
So by that definition, ruined orgasm does stand to its name, it is indeed a ruined orgasm in the fact that orgasm isn’t obtained and that it was all the objective of the technique you describe.
Men are used to the synchronization of their orgasm with the ejaculation and so most people consider the 2 as being one, but in fact, ejaculation may vary well be happening on its own if you break the rythm and the synchronization and go past the point of no-return as stated, including when masturbating.
Anyway, just my 2 cents and position on the “definition”.
This is outstanding. Ruined orgasms have a very special place in our WLM relationship. My Mistress Wife has been practicing semen retention and significant orgasm control for our entire, going-on 10 year WLM (we’ve been married 20 years and 6 years ago we used the occasion of our 15th wedding anniversary to exchange vows specific to our WLM). My “full orgasms are limited to 3-4 per year, sometimes less. The overwhelming majority of my ejaculations are via ruined orgasm, whether they are performed myself (under her supervision of course) or by her. They have essentially replaced the full orgasm as the primary way I am allowed to consummate sex with my wife.
All that said ….. I absolutely love it! I have come to cherish the continued and unabated arousal that follows a ruined orgasm and have come to actually prefer a ruined orgasm over a full-on orgasm, for that very reason. With a ruined orgasm there is no down time. There is no loss of arousal and as such, there is no loss of attention to my Mistress Wife. The knowledge that I will continue to be in a state of arousal right after sex with my Wife is so incredible, which is why I have come to prefer it.
I have just recently found this amazing blog and you amazing women. I have begun to forward several of your posts to my Wife. She asked me to do so whenever I come across postings by intelligent, meaningful, non-porn fueled blogs on Female Led Relationships. This blog more than fits that bill. Thank you very much for your efforts and postings. I’m a big fan.
subhubphx
Thank you for putting together such a detailed explanation of the, “Ruined orgasm,” and clarifying that, “Ruined,” is a misnomer.
When I saw this post I was very intrigued, because whenever I hear the term, “Ruined orgasm,” I always chuckle to myself and think, there is no such thing! I equate it to the old saying, “Ain’t no such thing as bad pussy!” Personally, I would argue that point, but right now.
I have been married to a tigress for 32 years. Her attitude about orgasms has always been, if you get me all hot and bothered, you dam well better finish the job! I, on the other hand, go through times when I willingly deny myself for 3-4 days. I will happily take care of all her needs, and even preform intercourse if she wants, but I won’t allow myself to cum. She understands when I’m in that mood, and has a lot of fun teasing and edging me, knowing that when I’m ready to cum it will be what I describe as a, “Euphoric train wreck followed by an immobilizing state of bliss!”
There have been many times when she was enthusiastically edging me and stoped just a fraction of a second to late! So I can honestly say, I have experienced many perfectly timed, “Ruined orgasms!” They are certainly different; its kind of like being paralyzed in the middle of the road. You can see the truck ‘cumming’ but you cant get out of the way. Sometimes I don’t think it’s an accident when she goes a little to far! She does loves to watch me cum, and she is not above a little post orgasm torture!
I read your article about ruined orgasm and I found it really interesting ? In order to help me reach my semen retention goal for 7 days, do you think it could be useful to allow 1 or 2 ruined orgasm during the week, or if its like cheating because semen doesn’t stay in the balls? I just want to make sure we do thing correctly so I will feel all the benefits of semen retention ?
I don’t really think ruined orgasm helps anything but it does prevent him from experiencing the full pleasure and hormonal release typically associated with male orgasm. You can do 7 days without any sort of ruined orgasm. We enjoy a 7 day release schedule and it works wonderfully for us. Thanks for the post!
Ok I understand your point. Thanks for the encouragement. I really hope to be able to retain during 7 days. Do you have some helping tricks I could do if the pressure inside my balls become too much for what I can take?
Start slow! Don’t try to do it all at once. Do one day. Then two days, then three and maybe try five the next time. You will be at your goal before you know it. (Same thing I do with my workouts!)
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