Create an account
Welcome! Register for an account
A password will be e-mailed to you.
Password recovery
Recover your password
A password will be e-mailed to you.
This site is all about celebrating strong women, devoted men, and the delicious power dynamics that bring us closer, emotionally and erotically. I’m endlessly grateful to everyone who reads, shares, and contributes—your stories, comments, and open minds are what keep this space alive and evolving. So take your time, dive deep, and let’s keep growing together in love.
Sometimes I say things on X and Bluesky, come join me.
© Copyright - Evolvingyourman.com
Hi Emma,
I’ve been following your blog from the very beginning. But this post on ‘You are his rock’ prompted me to finally register. This post is so spot on in defining my strengths & my wife’s. We were best friends for 40 years and a couple for 20. It took us 3 years into our marriage before I realized the ‘tactics-strategy’ you laid out. However, our societal upbringing took some time to change how we were taught to behave to the woman-led relationship you so eloquently laid out.
“When women resent men because they think they should understand her, she gives away all her power to the man. She puts all her happiness in his hands.
When women learn how to empower, influence, and channel men — in a way that occurs to him as an opportunity to become fulfilled — she becomes the source of power. So much so, that he will put his happiness in helping her fulfill her end in mind.
Remember that leaders are never self-appointed. They are chosen because of the way they are being, not what they are doing. If you are having to remind people or claim that you are the leader, you aren’t it.”
Emma, this is profound, powerful, wonderful and entirely accurate! Often people flounder with any form of D/s dynamic because to be happy and successful in it, there has to be a leader and there has to be a follower. Each filled with enough of the right kind of respect, love and trust for the other that allows them to flourish individually in their respective roles to each other, allowing each of them to be a source of strength, love and pleasure for the other.
Now is when an example post is needed on what types of rules would those be and what types of objectives. How do you make a man feel completely fulfilled by being a tool in improving his woman’s life? In my case, I’m a dominant woman, I know what I’m and what I want in a man, the point is that finding a submissive man is a real pain in the world kinster. When you look for him in the vanilla world, you find substitutes, I try to make them feel valuable and useful, when they are useful, but their reactions are not as expected. Either they get angry, or they look down on me, or they don’t do it again, etc.
Aside from the obvious, that by not being a man who acknowledges being submissive and is happy to be useful to his woman, what could be useful in making a man feel useful and fulfilled?
The problem with finding a vanilla guy is that he isn’t self aware enough. The journey of understanding that you are submissive or dominant is full of frustration and confusion. If you find someone new to this sort of thing can be great but you will have a roller coaster of revelation as they learn about themselves.
A man can feel useful and fulfilled by pleasing his wife. The existence of pleasing one’s partner is different but typically shared among emotionally healthy men. Using his desire to make you feel happy is a great way to learn about each other and grow together.
And thank you very much for this blog, I have learned a lot of interesting things about male sexuality. It is also very well written. A little light is welcome amid so much darkness.
You are welcome, thank you so much for reading and contributing.
I love the picture you selected for this blog. In one very simple image, it explains so much. Do you know who the artist is?
It is similar to this one from an artist called Wynt. I can’t find much information about the artist however.
“Even if you steer him in the wrong direction, it doesn’t even matter.”
Just a personal opinion, but I believe this does matter. Being steered in the wrong direction is a big thing. The ability to recognize a wrong direction, and then the ability to steer things back in the right direction without lingering damage, matters a great deal.
I just found this particular blog and I think it’s the first one I can actually relate to. I love the ideas expressed on how men benefit from a strong leader. I know I would which is why I’m looking into FLRs to begin with.
but watch any man in society who feels he lacks significant value to anyone or anything, and you will see a sad, broken, and bitter individual who will do anything to feel powerful – including, and especially hurting others.
In the end, every person wants to be wanted, loved, needed, and valued by others. We are pack animals, and this emotional need isn’t gender specific.
I absolutely adore this. I definitely fee I have little or no value as I’m ultra analytical and cannot see what value I bring, other than being a good dad to my kids. I’m audhd and society has consistently left me feeling sad, broken and bitter. My kids are my one success story and keep me from doing anything bad, although my autistic meltdowns still hurt others unfortunately.
I absolutely want to be wanted, loved, needed and valued. My issue is that since my last relationship, I can’t find anyone who wants me in this way in terms of a romantic relationship. I have lots of good friends but that’s it.
What is gender specific due to cultural conditioning and programming, is that men place most of their focus in tactical outcomes, whereas women place most of their self-esteem in strategic outcomes. One being short term, the other long.
This is a valuable and important dynamic, because we need both. Nothing is achieved without tactics, and nothing lasts without strategy. Neither is better or worse; just different. But when they work together, anything becomes possible and sustainable.
Empower your strategic side, by empowering his tactical side. Energize and fuel each other, so you can both become fully committed to giving the best of yourselves. In your difference, lies the strength.
I love and agree with your analysis of strategic and tactical, although personally I have both, possibly because I identify as non-binary. However I’m definitely a jack of all trades and master of none because although I can do both, I’m not particularly good at doing both and as such men are better at tactical decisions and women are better at strategic decisions than I am.
and their self-esteem is built or destroyed through their perceived ability to be ‘fully used’ as a tool and asset.
This is an interesting line. I don’t want to be or feel used. I want my skills to be utilised to their maximum to help a relationship. If I feel I’m being used then I’d leave.
Give him structure, give him focus, give him constructive feedback loops in a way that he experiences fulfillment of pride and ego through the act of serving you.
I’m not sure how I feel about this line. I like the idea of structure and focus etc but it shouldn’t JUST be through the act of serving my partner. I enjoy the challenges I’m set and then beating them. I want to make my partner happy but I won’t live JUST to make her happy. I’d want my own targets, my own things to look forward to achieving not related to my partner. For example I might want to enjoy and beat a particular game I enjoy with friends. I’d want to spend quality time with my children as well as my children would equally rank alongside my partner in their needs to be cared for.
Don’t look down on his sexualised nature of punishment, discipline, humiliation etc – these are just emotional and physical manifestations of someone who is craving (and lacking) structure and purpose. Look at it for what is really is, and not the superficiality of the kink.
This is where this particular blog entry does disappoint me though. Why does a need to want focus and structure have to relate to a sexual aspect at all and why does it need to relate to punishment, discipline and humiliation? I have trauma related to punishment and humiliation due to childhood abuse at the hands of my mother and I’m absolutely not looking to repeat any aspect of this, and indeed if I was to receive ANY punishment, discipline or humiliation that would be the end of the relationship. I am an adult and I’m choosing to submit, however I’m not choosing to be a child or someone with a kink that needs to be satisfied. Indeed the only form of femdom I’d ever consider is gentle femdom as punishment, discipline and humiliation are such traumatic things in my mind.
When women powerfully channel their men from a ball of tangled wire, into a valuable cable, anything becomes possible. He wants to be utilized, and she wants an asset.
Here you use the word “utilise” and I think it’s the correct word, rather than “used” as you did earlier. I’d absolutely want to be led, channeled into a new better me and I’d definitely want to be an asset to her and the relationship. I know my skills and abilities and if I can find a woman to lead me, while recognising and utilising my skills and abilities in a loving, respectful, non punishment, non discipline and non humiliation way then that woman would have a loving respectful, enthusiastic and powerful asset in her team who’d be prepared to follow wherever she led. I know my worth, my power and my own mind and no-one will ever make me feel worthless again.
I’m looking for a woman to utilise me in a mutually beneficial relationship.