You have viewed 1 out of 3 free articles this week.
When I married Kev, I never thought much about his size. In fact, I didn’t think size mattered much at all. He has what is a mostly average penis – a boyfriend dick and I found it perfectly fine. It’s smaller size is even endearing at times. Even when it is out of its cage, it is non-threatening and never intimidating.
Kev is thoughtful, kind, and emotionally connected, which makes him an incredible husband. He’s the type of guy who makes you tea when you’re sick and gets Bella, our dog, up and out for walks when it’s pouring rain. A true partner in life that I can’t live without.
I began to notice something about myself—a quiet longing I hadn’t fully admitted to. This wasn’t about love or commitment. It wasn’t about replacing Kev or finding someone new. It was about craving something more—something purely physical. Sexual and emotional needs are different, acknowledging that difference can be key to embracing new levels of personal and relational happiness.
I want to share this journey because I know many women face similar feelings but feel afraid to voice them. Society tells us we should be happy with what we have, that it’s selfish or shallow to want more. But here’s the truth: advocating for our pleasure doesn’t make us less of a wife. It makes us more of one.
The Science of Size: What Women Really Want
Let’s talk numbers. Studies have shown that the average erect penis measures about 5.16 inches in length and 4.59 inches in girth. While this may be sufficient for many women, research indicates a notable difference between the average size and the sizes women often find most satisfying. For short-term hookups or casual relationships, women report an ideal length of around 6.4 inches and a girth of about 5.0 inches. This preference is likely due to the more intense physical sensations that larger sizes can provide, including a fuller feeling during penetration and enhanced stimulation of erogenous zones like the G-spot and cervix.
When it comes to long-term relationships, the ideal size slightly decreases. Women in committed partnerships prioritize emotional connection and sexual comfort over size, making a more average “boyfriend dick” desirable. This term affectionately refers to a penis size that is comfortable for regular intimacy, offering consistent pleasure without discomfort. While larger sizes might be thrilling for casual encounters, they are not always practical or necessary for long-term satisfaction.
The key factor here is the difference in context. For short-term flings, physical novelty and intensity take center stage, which may explain the preference for slightly larger sizes. In contrast, long-term partners focus on intimacy, communication, and compatibility—qualities that transcend physical dimensions. Still, it’s important to acknowledge the gap between average penis size and what many women find optimal, particularly for specific types of encounters.
Understanding these differences helps frame the conversation about sexual satisfaction. It’s not about diminishing the value of “average” but recognizing that preferences can shift based on emotional and physical needs, as well as the context of the relationship.
The Realization: It’s Okay to Want More
As Kev and I explored these conversations, I admitted something that felt like a dirty little secret: while I loved our intimacy, there were moments when I wanted more physical intensity. There’s a term for this that some of you might recognize—“boyfriend dick.” It’s the kind of penis that’s great for everyday sex: comfortable, reliable, and enjoyable, but not necessarily earth-shattering.
This doesn’t diminish Kev or my love for him. If anything, it shows just how much trust we’ve built. I could share my fantasies without fear of judgment. And it wasn’t just about size; it was about pushing boundaries and rediscovering passion in a way that honored us both.
Kev, bless his heart, didn’t see my honesty as an attack. Instead, he sexualized and embraced the idea that supplementing our sex life with the help of someone else could be thrilling and empowering for both of us. Kev also knows that the greater my emotional bond grows with him, the more difficult it is for me to get the raw passionate sex that I get with a new partner.
That’s just the harsh truth of how most women are wired. The stronger the emotional bond, the weaker the passion. The stronger the passion, the weaker the emotional bond. As the security grows, the passion decreases – the unfortunate duality of female attraction.
Why Bigger Isn’t Always Better (But It Sure Can Be Fun)
Now, let me clarify: chasing size for the sake of size is not the point. Chemistry, confidence, and skill matter far more than raw measurements. But when those elements come with a size upgrade, the experience can be transcendent.
One of the things I’ve learned is that advocating for my pleasure isn’t just about physical gratification—it’s about self-love. Women are conditioned to prioritize everyone else: our husbands, kids, families, careers, you name it. Wanting more for ourselves, whether it’s in the bedroom or beyond has a way of feeling selfish. But it isn’t.
Here’s the funny thing: since opening up to the idea of expanding our relationship, I’ve felt closer to Kev. The honesty required for this dynamic has deepened our connection and my connection with myself. We’ve learned to communicate in ways we never did before. I feel like a more complete version of myself—like a wife who isn’t afraid to prioritize her pleasure.
Accepting that your partner’s penis might not fully satisfy you doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. In fact, addressing this gap can strengthen your bond. When Kev and I took this leap, it wasn’t about replacing or minimizing him. It was about adding a new dimension to our marriage—one that has brought us closer than ever. Exploring your desires doesn’t diminish your relationship. It expands it. So, go ahead—ask for more. You deserve it.
Evolving Your Conversation
- Have you ever felt hesitant to voice a fantasy or desire to your partner? What held you back?
- How do you balance advocating for your own needs with maintaining sensitivity to your partner’s feelings?
- Do you think it’s possible to separate emotional intimacy from physical exploration in a relationship? Why or why not?
- What steps can you and your partner take to create a space for open, judgment-free conversations about sex?
