The Self Perception and Purpose of the Retaining Male (FLR101)

This is one of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.

Once my man was retaining, I  began to naturally assert my self.  As he was retaining his self perception began to change bringing him more into alignment with the vision of what I thought our relationship should be.  I feel that ideally that a relationship should be loving and passionate through the years and not taper off to a passionless state with time. Retention seems to have largely accomplished that for us.  Again, I only have experience with one retaining male so your mileage may vary, but I assume most men will respond in a similar way.

The biggest thing for my husband was changing the perception of his ejaculation as a "given" in intercourse to ejaculation being optional.  My perception also changed about this as well.  I know this isn't practical, but in an ideal world, I think men should only ejaculate when trying to conceive a child, and the rest of the time during the relationship, he should be retaining in order to foster maximum emotional intimacy in the relationship.  My husband certainly doesn't do this, but still his perception of his ejaculation has gone from it's totally up to him whenever and wherever to "I want to ejaculate.  I need to discuss this with her."  And we'll have a meeting and discuss it.  It's up to me to decide if it's the most prudent thing for him or not.  Ejaculation is not frivolous thing for him as it is for most males.  That's a huge change for him and it has a ripple effect to other aspects of his psyche: 

Cultural Perception of Masculinity
This is a big one.  A real man shouldn't have to ask his wife if he can ejaculate.  I would contend that a real man can see the big picture and see that if he submits to his wife in this one area, that the whole relationship will transcend to a different level.  And that he needs her to be stronger than he can be during the heat of intercourse and enforce retention.  Most western males simply aren't going to be able to retain without assistance from the female.  Retaining isn't something that he can secretly do.  It's something that's out in the open that we're both aware of, and I do what I can to stop ejaculation preserving his semen contents like the precious zinc in his system among other things.  We have separated ejaculation from intercourse and accept that his penis is only for penetration to help me climax and a weekly draining to flush it out for maintenance. The cultural perception of masculinity has been determined largely by free ejaculating males and the women that submit to them.  Things that come from it like two men hitting each other in the head until one falls down are probably disposable and not essential to our culture.  From my experience, the retaining male is focused on his wife and not cultural perceptions.

Humiliation
He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away.  But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it.  Humiliation is part of his arousal mechanism, and it seems to be the result of retention.  Couples will have to make their own observations about this, and see if it bares out for them as well.  Retention leaves him accepting his role as a tool for my pleasure and looking forward to serving me again and again.

Once I had him to the point where he knew that I wanted him to consult with me before ejaculation, it brought us much closer.  He waits for the release command on ejaculation day.  The last thing he hears before his ejaculation is the sound of my voice giving him permission to do so.  I think that this alone will produce changes in the relationship.  And I must admit, it's a bit of a rush seeing a penis do that simply because I tell it to.  I always like to look back as I'm riding his face for my orgasm after giving the release command to watch him squirt.  Once I removed that privacy from his life, and inserted myself in the decision making process between him and his penis, he was always hoping to be with me.  We went from leading separate lives in many ways to being much closer and increasing the frequency of intimacy.…