Hi Emma, my name is R and my husband and I have been married for nearly fifteen years. We've had ups and downs as any relationship may have but I secretly hate him and I'm jealous of him for many reasons. He is professionally more successful than me, smarter, better looking and I feel like life is just easier for him. We've gone to therapy and but I just can't seem to shake my resentment and anger toward him. The one and only outlet I have for these thoughts is cuckolding. He has a regular sized penis but like most men is insecure about its size and his sexual performance and he is also into cuckolding so I use that as a tool to take him deeper and deeper into the fetish. I feel guilty with the teasing at times because I know I am using it as an outlet for my own issues but it also seems to fuel his fantasy and the meaner I get the more arousing it is for both of us. At this point my husband is completely pussy free, I carry too much anger and resentment to be intimate with him in that way. I have a bull who meets my needs several times a week and he is a complete alpha and is 6'4" and my husband is 5'9" so he towers over my husband. My bull is more muscular and hung, almost a comically big dick but it takes me to cloud nine and my husband is utterly emasculated whenever he sees it. I love seeing my husband submit to my bull and accept his role as a cuck in these sexual situations. I literally love the emotional pain that I am causing my husband and I am addicted to it. I've talked to my husband about my concerns about how much I love cuckolding him and we both see it as a great outlet but I worry that it isn't normal or healthy. Should we continue or put this on pause and try to work through our issues in therapy? Why do I love hurting my husband so much?

Hate is a very strong emotion and usually stems from resentment due to unmet needs or desires causing positive emotions to turn negative. When one partner feels that their needs are consistently and constantly unaddressed, resentment can fester. For some women this sort of thing can show up in passive aggressive behavior, outright hostility and more subtly is nit-picking little details to prove to yourself why your husband is a poor match. Before answering your questions about cuckolding, let's talk about some of the issues that need to be discussed first. What are your deepest needs and desires in this relationship? How do your past relationship traumas bleed into your feelings for your husband? Is there anything from your parents and upbringing bleeding into your relationship expectations? What role do I play in the hatred that I feel toward husband? Lastly, do you love yourself?

I think the the last question is the most poignant because it seems you are resorting to belittling and cuckolding your husband because you are not happy with yourself and your life. I suggest that you seek solo therapy to get to the bottom of your own personal issues and only then can you work toward repairing and forgiving your husband. It sounds like you lack empathy and feel like your husband's successes are something that he is doing to you rather than achievements that you have accomplished together.

You are clearly cuckolding for the wrong reasons and your lack of sexual contact with your husband is concerning but with that said, your current lifestyle is up to you. If the two of you feel like it isn't detrimental to your husband's self confidence, sexual satisfaction and sexual performance then by all means, do you. Cuckolding provides an outlet for your aggression under the guise of fantasy which may be the best option for you right now. I'd suggest that you try yoga or some other things to manage your emotions internally rather than express them externally to "punish" your husband for the feelings that you have toward him. This tit for tat transfer of emotional pain isn't sustainable and it needs to be addressed and only the two of you can decide if continuing your cuckold relationship is an acceptable outlet while you work on these issues.

I also wonder about the chicken and egg scenario with cuckolding for your husband. Did the cuckolding fetish exist before your marriage issues sprung up or as a result of it? Men are more prone to fetish than us and it isn't uncommon to feelings of sexual denial to become eroticized as a coping mechanism. While trying to avoid suffering, his brain may turning unpleasant experiences into more positive feelings like arousal. You didn't mention your age but if you are pre-menopausal, your feelings may be related to hormonal imbalance which can be treated with HRT.

Communicate that this is all fantasy and do your best to forgive your husband for the feelings that you have toward yourself. Consider taking a break from cuckolding and a break from your bull to focus energy on yourself for a while. You might just find that you are being too hard on yourself and you are actually a pretty alright person. Lots of love and support from all of us at EYM, thanks having the confidence to send the question.…