Is longer term chastity kinder than short term chastity?

I've often read that a 3 week period is better for a man to perform at his best: gentler, more caring, more obedient.

We started practicing chastity in April of this year and since then I’ve been allowed to have 15 orgasms and have only been out of the cage for a total of two weeks. Currently I’m on day 32 but prior to that I’ve gone 27 and 29 days. I won’t lie and say that I don’t miss being able to orgasm but I enjoy making my wife orgasm and that soothes my desire. 

For me, I enjoy not knowing when I’ll be allowed to orgasm and and instead, enjoy knowing that I’ve given that control to my wife. I trust that she will allow me to orgasm at some point but have come (no pun intended) to the stage of accepting that it isn’t my decision. When we started, I looked forward to the next opportunity but am now more comfortable with not being allowed and instead feeling her pleasure. 

I guess what I’m saying is that I agree that longer durations is better than short ones. I look forward to my next one but I also dread the orgasm crash that will follow. 

As far as mitigating the crash, we’ve found that the severity can be decreased if it is less pleasurable although we haven’t tried a ruined orgasm yet. A hand job in the shower or her having me masturbate in the shower is not as pleasurable as having a PIV orgasm. Also, having me consume afterwards makes it less pleasurable. Finally, being caged shortly afterwards vs being allowed to sleep uncaged helps decrease the crash. 

One of the biggest changes that I’ve experienced with chastity is how my orgasm is now less than a secondary player when it comes to sex. It is not the end of sex or even the point of us having sex. Her pleasure and satisfaction are what’s important and me gaining pleasure from her post orgasmic bliss. 

@mstara

I feel like you are 100% right about breaking the mental habit of masturbation. For some it is easier than others, personally it is harder part for me. When the periods between release from the cage, never mind full release,  I find that urge is lessened. 

I would say though in terms of recovery speed that can be subjective. Within a certain range depending on the mans sex drive. There are times when I am allowed release that I suffer no to little crash. I have found that to be especially true if there has been an aggressive work up period. Not necessarily longer, just intense and vigorous teasing, to the point that even a single orgasm still leaves plenty in the tank to experience some frustration. My sample size is admittedly just me, but that has been my experience. 

Dear @mstara, i am in long term and agree in general with that theory. i've been fighting masturbation for years and i could fight it for periods (say 30 days) but i'd fall again. For me, the expectation is everything. So in this round (9+ months) it has been MUCH MUCH kinder to just completely let go of that expectation, and it has produced a deeper change i had never seen before in myself, all the good treats of chastity but in levels i had never experienced before.

When we started it sounded terrible, i did distracted myself in the 'difficult times'. In the past i've used porn to 'calm' so i had it as a resource, BUT i started on the extra soft side and soon saw it as a terrible decision. The cure for the withdrawal & anxiety was simple: hug my Queen. During the first weeks (and a few times later) there were a few days where i was ashamed feeling i needed to hug Her every 5 minutes. She said it was fine, and beyond those peak days all has been good. Even in the peak days, the hugs helped tremendously as there was NO expectation of anything further. And here is the truth: those (normal) hugs felt MUCH better than masturbation. 

In a sense, i did replace masturbation with my Queen's hugs. This connection is MUCH better. It also reinforces a kind of 'positive' dependence to Her as the only provided of my cure. Although this sounds 'extreme', i have an idea that this is closer to what women experience in a relationship, a deeper sense of belonging to that relationship. Months 2-5 were pretty stable, i did have some peak days but i could go and freely (less anxious) hug my Queen. i'd say after month 5 is being a lovely state of desire where i totally love each touch, hug, talk and if something comes up (Queen is busy) i can easily handle it and wait until is appropriate to connect.

To me, i am experiencing the ideal state: zero expectation, total dependence of physical love and pleasure from my Queen, total gratitude for each interaction, finally being able to fully work on life goals other than sex. It is awesome to be free from that anxiety and being able to deeply enjoy Queen deeply as a person (vs an object for satisfaction). From this state it looks harsh for husbands to still have the expectation (as delayed as it is), their addiction still being fed (in a much healthier frequency); from here it looks like it would be MUCH kinder and better to stop that addiction. 

@vikter

So are you saying that if you have been intense and vigorous teased that any resulting orgasm doesn't relief the 'pressure' and that you still want more?

And if so what are the circumstances that do lead to your biggest crashes?

@khorina5

And how does your Queen feel about the lack of PIV over such an extended period of time?
I assume that you are providing other stimulus, is this enough for her, do the other benefits out weigh any downside? 

Posted by: @mstara

I read an item recently that espoused that longer periods of lock up were better for the man than a few days.

I love this topic.  Thank you @mstarra for sharing it.

One of the issues my wife and I had early on was the notion that the cage itself, being locked in a physical cage has the downside of meaning that it is a forgone conclusion that touching, masturbation, orgasm, etc. might and will happen when the cage is off.  Those things being forbidden for me in our marriage, she felt she didn't want there to be any mixed message about what being not caged might mean.  The prohibition existed whether I was caged or not.  Eliminating the concern for a mixed message, and given the fact that she wanted unfettered access to "her" cock for teasing and spontaneous sex, she abandoned the idea that chastity meant being caged or not.  In other words ... the honor system.  To date this has worked marvelously for us and I can honestly say that in the 10 years or so we have practiced our lifestyle, I have never cheated by touching myself sexually without permission or instructions.  I realize that this doesn't work for everyone and consider myself extremely lucky that I have been able to go 'cold turkey'.  For us (Her) Chastity was then defined as being simply prohibited from unauthorized touching and to do so would be akin to cheating on her.

The theory went on to say this is because he'll expect fewer orgasms and thus stop 'clock watching' that this is kinder.

This is absolutely true!  Clock watching is an indicator that he may be more interested in good behavior for the primary purpose of working towards an orgasm, rather than the more noble goal of behaving in such a way that is pleasing and desired by his wife ... thus making her world better.  I can tell you that expecting fewer orgasms is a rather lovely world to live in.  

Finally it said that the 'setback' of an orgasm can also be mitigated if the orgasm is unsatisfying or not complete - ruined orgasms. These will lessen the withdrawal period as he is never really relieved and he will hanker for orgasms less if their pleasure is diminished.  Which is why longer periods of lock up and few or ruined orgasms are better for his well-being and the kinder thing to do.

Absolutely true again IMO.  Through exhaustive research (ok, years of mostly ruined orgasms and not full) I can attest to the truth that a withdrawal period, if any, can be measured with an egg timer, not a calendar.  I have actually become accustomed to preferring the constant state of arousal that exists immediately following sex, to the delicious, unbelievable, amazing of a full orgasm.  Weird huh?

Posted by: @dharmaproject

One of the biggest changes that I’ve experienced with chastity is how my orgasm is now less than a secondary player when it comes to sex. It is not the end of sex or even the point of us having sex. Her pleasure and satisfaction are what’s important and me gaining pleasure from her post orgasmic bliss. 

Beautifully said sir!

@khorina5

Kudos to you and your Queen my friend.  Emma talks all the time about the importance of teasing sexually with her caged man, and we all know how important that attention we get from our woman is.  In your case, your teasing is the love and joy you get from hugs with your Queen.  Hugs are your teasing.  

@mstara

Yes, I can get to the point that a single orgasm does not have a big impact on my level of frustration for more than an hour or 2. I have always had a very short refraction time, sometimes she uses that it immediately being a new round of teasing. I have also found that an act of service for her after release is a good way to refocus my brain to avoid a crash (as simple as cleaning, getting her food or water). Even at my worst levels of frustration I always want more, but I do genuinely enjoy suffering so there is that. 

When I do have an issue is mostly when more than a single full orgasm within a 2-3 day window. Those crashes are still mostly gone with 24-36 hours. That rarely happens anymore as it is. I know most of you would not ever consider such a short period between allowing your man release but keep in mind my wife and I are still less than a full year into a chastity lifestyle, and almost 3 years in some for of FLR. As such that was part of our learning experience, neither one of us really wants that level of frequency and it has been trending towards longer lock up.

Additionally any accidental release causes my actual depression to kick into overdrive, on top of post orgasm crash. When that happens it can take 3-4 days for my head to get right. Or copious amounts of sativa.

@mstara From Her: "yes, benefits outweigh the downside, totally".  She is feeling great, enjoying life. We started this round due to Her doctor's recommendation, and She says She's never felt this good. She enjoys the stimulation, She says something clicked and She feels just "free" to enjoy; it's like before there was always a "worry" in Her mind to do it for me. i've always been thankful for Her but now outside of the bedroom is crazy: every day She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, i worry sometimes that i say it too much but She is fine with it. She feels loved all day long, and She feels i care more about our priorities than ever. 

In the bedroom, it's a mix between teenager-love where even the slightest touch gets you crazy and adults with a great connection after making-love, deep talks/connection/togetherness with me all awake (vs trying but crashed after ejaculating). When/if we resume PIV it will be different. 

For me, using a device initially was used to help break that male masturbation habit that nearly all males struggle with it seems. I masturbated as you say, every day or two. When I first started chastity, after a brief period of getting used to wearing a device, I did it for one full month, no sex, no masturbating.

After that time,I could be back in the "zone" pretty quick, a couple of days. I don't wear a device all the time, but only masturbate when my wife knows and approves. I still wear a device for 10 days every month for a "tuneup". 

My very vanilla wife enjoys it, there is no pressure for sex, but we do lots of hugging and kissing. We snuggle daily. It takes pressure off her to have sex and she enjoys the 10 day off time. She does have the right to unlock me during the 10 days for full sex if she desires, but we rarely do that. It is not removed for masturbating.

I am almost retirement age now, but I can tell you if I had learned about this earlier, I honestly think we would have been happier. Males just need a little encouragement to keep their hands off themselves.

Hello MsTara

For me, longer periods are definitely better.

After a period of about a month, things smooth out and I get into a sort of flow. Prior to that, there are lots of ups and downs of extreme hornyness which morph into frustration and back into hornyness etc. After a month it settlesdown into a sort of strong desire with very few bouts of frustration. 90% upside with only 5% downside type of thing.

As for "setback" of an orgasm being mitigated by diminished or ruined orgasms etc. Lol, I think thats men saying that to O any way then can 🙂 My experience is that as long as I have contractions, even weak ones, there will be a drop, less than a full O for sure, but its there non the less.

The purpose of ruined O's was to relieve pressure in my prostate and provide her with cum when she was in the mood for it. When I found I was still getting drop we went to direct prostate massage which causes seaman to release with no contractions and no drop.

On the topic of drop, I find it very diminished if there is time between O's and a lot of teasing. It will compound the closer the O's are but for me, as long as there is about 2 weeks between, its not all that bad. My guess is that if you build up enough dopamine prior, when it drops, it wont drop into levels where problems arise. Just a guess. I'm not a doctor 🙂

So why not O every 2 weeks. Like the article you read said. It's hard to get back into retention after release. I just want more release and not getting that causes frustration etc. It's definitely better to get over the hump and go for longer durations.

On another note re kinder, I experience masturbation and release as not that different from an addiction. A cage, assuming its one that works, for me plays the roll of removing the crack from infront of the addict. It's not to say you can't refrain from playing with oneself, but at times, it takes huge effort. Sometimes hearing that "click" is such a relief. Sometimes it's a real kindness.