The Size Question
Having read Emma's great blog about this, and recognizing that in general there really is too big as well as too small no matter what porn says - I am curious about how this impacts your relationships. Since most of the users on this forum strike me as far more authentic and real than the vast majority of other sites I thought I would ask it here - sorry if . (Blog here: https://evolvingyourman.com/2020/08/30/penis-size/)
For those who are married but have a third (or more) in their relationship (either in a poly situation or cuckold) I am curious as to how your other man measures up to your primary partner in terms of his penis size and what effect, if any, this has on your discussions with and the feelings of your primary partner.
Is one noticeably shorter or thicker than the other?
Does your primary partner feel jealous or intimated (or proud if the size different is the other way) because of this and does it add to their jealousy and angst with the situation?
For those in a poly situation rather than a cuckold - does this even come up in the conversation/discussion?
I think for most of us with cuckold fantasies we always want to have our wives paired with someone at least our size or larger but I that is easier said than done (for some!) but I realize this dynamic might not be present in a poly situation and in fact the partner may want the third to be close to the same or even a little smaller.
For us, penis size does not play a difference in as much as the type of sex does. My husband is about 5" and my boyfriend is about 6" with about the same girth. They physically feel about the same however my husband makes love to me and my boyfriend fucks me. With my husband, there is quite a bit of foreplay and sometimes candles in the bedroom. My boyfriend is about the sex in the most physical of ways and my husband is about affirming our love and connection using sex.
We don't always play in the same room but sometimes we do. We've done the cuckold jerking off in the corner while the boyfriend fucks me scene that is ever so common in porn. I am extremely descriptive and verbal and I think both men like that. I've sucked both before and I'll make comment or two about my husband being just a little bit smaller. Quickly his penis stiffens up and I can tell it hits an emotional button for him. Truth of the matter is, they both do the job quite well and I enjoy sex with either.
On vacation last year we brought a man back to our hotel who must have been 8 inches in length and it was too large for me to take comfortably. I was sore afterwards and my husband fucked me afterwards and kept asking if I could even feel him. I really couldn't and that turned him on to no end and he came quickly. The visual of the two nude men side by side comparing their sizes was admittedly arousing. The proud smile and confidence of mr 8 inch was as arousing as the bashful embarrassment of my husband. The penis doesn't make the man but good luck telling him that.
Thanks so much for the reply. I am glad to hear you and your husband have had such good experiences and found ways for it to work for both of you --- though hopefully you are not left sore too often! I think I would react the same way as your husband!
I think regardless of whether you are in a cuck situation or a poly situation you always want your wife/gf to have better sex with another man than she has with you --- what is the point if she isn't enjoying herself and having more fun than she does with you or at least as much fun?
@j-s I would caution usage of the word better. Sex isn't better with someone else. Sex with my husband is amazing, we have a deep emotional connection that I've never come close to in any other relationship. Sex with others is a different experience completely. Think about getting a massage from a beautiful man and allow him to massage all of the knots and kinks out of your body. A massage from your spouse is more intimate and he knows your body much better but the emotional connection is there. It is purely physical and sometimes physically more enjoyable but never better. Sometimes you need a massage and sometimes you need to reinforce the deep connection that a husband and wife deserve together.
@j-s. Thanks for posting the link to Emma’s interesting blog entry on penis size. My wife agrees with Emma that for her pleasure sizes within the average range are best. She says the guy who gave her the best penetrative sex wasn’t much bigger than me, but he had great control and staying power. I think we men who develop a cuckold kink tend to be obsessed with size because we have eroticized an insecurity about measuring up. Once we reach middle age, size isn’t the only issue either. Some of us struggle with ED while others have no problem getting and keeping it up like horny teenagers.
When my wife started seeing other men, it amused her that I always wanted to know how big the other guys were. When she realized that it excited me to find out the other guy was bigger, she began to tease me, saying things like, “Don’t feel bad, your penis may be small, but it’s cute.” That really turns my crank because “cute” is emasculating but affectionate. I love the way my wife knows exactly how to tease me about penis size, without crushing my ego. My insecurity about penis size is real enough that hard core humiliation would probably hurt too much.
But you are probably right that most cuckold’s like the idea of the other man being bigger.
As a man size is such a mind fuck. I like most men always have been disappointed in my size. I think is is the result of an optical illusion caused by the pov of looking at your own penis, misconceptions caused by porn and human nature of always wanting more. Bigger house, faster car, more money, bigger dick blah blah blah.
In theory I am actually slightly larger than normal at 7" but still disappointed in my size. Since starting male chastity my wife has displayed 2 other women who both commented on my size. I assume they were just being nice because how uncomfortable I looked but my wife assures my that is not the case. She says all men are messed up by this as she had a lover years ago she says had to be 9" but was into whatever male enhancement gimmick he could find.
I think practicing male chastity had helped me get over that feeling of inadequacy. I have discovered my wife actually gets very little pleasure from PIV and for some reason I have never been conscious of the size of my tongue or fingers. Can't believe it took me 60 years to figure that out. Weird but that confidence came from giving up control of my penis.
@peterran. There is nothing inadequate about 7 inches! That makes you bigger than more than 90 percent of men. You should look up the blog post Emma did about penis size. I think there is a link to it at the top of this thread. It’s a wonderful celebration of penis diversity from a feminine perspective.
Thanks. I realize 7" is actually above average. I was trying to point out most men feel they have inadequate size and first of all that is usually BS and secondly size really does not matter to most women.
It used to bother me somewhere deep inside and I felt inadequate when my wife says she had a guy with 9" penis even though she says he was terrible. Through chastity I really no longer care and believe my wife when she says size doesn't matter.
Again Thanks for the encouragement
One thing that does not seem to be discussed much is the shower versus grower phenomenon. I personally feel decently adequate when erect. I tick the supposed boxes that women want - the 3 sixes. 6 feet, 6 inches, 6 figures.
i feel inadequate and small in flaccid mode. Say parading around the house naked or in the bathroom. I am quite sure my wife had larger men before me but has not shown an interest in discussing size. I am very jealous of the showers who walk around or should I say swing around showing off.
I often wonder if being a grower has contributed to my submissive feelings.
My wife has always said that sex with another man is not better but different. She much prefers a thicker penis than extra length. The times I have watched her with other guys, it's been apparent to me by watching her that guys who are bigger than average and thick turn her on. Lasting longer ( but not too long )and not jackhammering away seems to give her the most pleasure.
My wife has no interest in other men. Seriously, none. But if she did, she'd be looking for smaller; I still hurt her if I go all the way in, and it's been like that from when we first met, and even after she pushed a child out there (which does help some women subsequently deal with size).