Virtual Chasity - more meaningful and sustainable?

 

Early in our relationship she told me that she sees masturbation as natural, that she does it regularly and that I must never be ashamed of doing it either.

 

This was incredible to hear. My previous partner was extremely upset if she “caught” me masturbating - she seemed to regard it almost as an act of infidelity. Often saying things like “obviously I’m not enough for you”.

 

So the act of pleasuring myself became inextricably linked with a sense of shame, secrecy and implied betrayal.

 

The new liberty granted by my now wife was exhilarating but in some ways I’ve never fully adjusted to it, still feeling a pang of shame if she catches me, even though her reaction is always faultless - usually something like “oh sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you. Carry on and I’ll see you later”

 

I go through very powerful swings in sexual energy, which we describe as my up phases and down phases. They tend to last a few weeks and although we make love with the same frequency throughout, what does vary dramatically between these phases is my masturbation frequency and duration.

 

I have a very powerful but relatively innocent kink that drives me in these up phases (I’ll write about that in a future post, since it’s one I know I share with other readers here.)

 

But the fact is that during these phases things get out of hand - no pun intended.

 

I end up spending hours edging myself and although I can take breaks for other tasks it feels like a constant itch that I want to scratch all the time.

 

This feels amazing, but it has a number of negative consequences. 

 

I won’t list them all, but the two main two are severe enough. One is neglect of other things that I need to attend to and the other is that is causes ED, which makes if difficult for me to satisfy my wife with penetrative sex. She is wonderful about it and has toys as well as my fingers and tongue to get her through. But still it’s not the full experience we both want.

 

We are both aware that my occasionally excessive masturbation is unhealthy and so a couple of years ago we tried chastity, placing me in a cage and giving her control over my release.

 

Unfortunately, this didn’t really work physically for me at all. My equipment consists of a small penis and a big, fat and high ballsack. Despite experimenting with different options we just couldn’t find one which was small enough to contain my penis snugly but with a large enough ball gap not to painfully crush my nuts.

 

So the cage fell out of use and I went back to my uncontrolled jerkfest - with a return of the negative consequences I described above.

 

Which brings us to today.

 

Having read this blog and Emma’s insights, I decided to talk to my wife about the benefits of a female led relationship - particularly in the area of sex, masturbation and orgasms.

 

She took to the idea very happily and we quickly agreed that although I am not physically caged, she is now in complete control of my sexual release.

 

She will decide whether, when and for how long I may masturbate. She may grant or withhold this permission purely at her pleasure without any explanation.

 

I may request permission to masturbate and may also request sex. But she will be the only decision-maker on whether either of these things happens and how.

 

This has placed me in what we call “virtual chastity” and I have to say it feels fabulous.  I have given my body to her, placed it under her control and at her service. Even as I write that it sends a tingling rush of pleasure through me.

 

It feels more profound and meaningful that my chastity is based on commitment and discipline rather than physical constraint.  It also feels much more sustainable and I therefore expect it to become a permanent state of being. 

 

I believe our FLR will deepen and intensify over time, particularly as she discovers the benefits to her that Emma describes. Eg - feeling the freedom to put her own needs first and enjoying my heightened devotion to her.

 

I’d love to hear your experiences.