For those of you keeping track, this is part four of a recent series about my life. I've tried to write it in a way that makes sense even if you are starting with this blog but feel free to check the others out. I could have done a better job of keeping them organized sequentially but I didn't. So there. The previous blogs are linked below for those of you keeping score.
Part 1 | Ping Pong
Part 2 | Ping Pong 2
Part 3 | Our Boyfriend
I don't feel like the appeal of newness can be overstated. New relationships always seem perfect unless you have walls up and are desperately looking for red flags (real or perceived) with which to self-sabotage things. I'll pretend to know nothing of these things. Let's pretend that I never said that and start over. Ok? Thanks.
Seriously though. There is always a great deal of fun and excitement attached with new relationships regardless of the type. Platonic friendships, romantic relationships, friendships with benefits, they all are quite different and offer new and exciting experiences. We all get discouraged or depressed when that newness wears off. Am I losing interest, is he losing interest in me. So many questions! Eventually those feelings of newness grow to be a distant memory as you work on the relationship in its current state. That relationship evolves and matures and so is the cycle of healthy relationships.…
I’m glad to read that your story is progressing step by step. Reading this article has taken me back 2 years where I also questioned (and learned) a lot about the ins and outs of a polyamorous relationship.
If I have to make a balance sheet today I would say that, in my opinion, and although Matt and my “friend” know and appreciate each other there is still a kind of underlying competition between them (yet my time split is not 1/3 2/3, far from it and I had already had my daughter with Matt before it started). I often asked Matt about this but he never told me directly. Maybe these gentlemen see us as a trophy?
More than verbal communication, non-verbal communication (our little diaries) helped us a lot to better understand our approach to this relationship at that time.
In conclusion, I look forward to reading the article on sperm competition.
The competition and jealousy are interesting to watch and discuss with Kevin as he is more open and better able to verbalize his feelings.
Check out this article.
http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1005&context=anthrotheses
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Jealousy may also affect the stability of a polyandrous union. Jealousy has been
labeled as a psychological adaptation that functions to keep one from losing the resources provided by one’s partner (Daly et al. 1982; Wiederman & Allgeier 1993; Buss et al. 1992; Buss & Haselton 2005). While females are at risk of losing protection and
provisioning from a male partner, males are at risk of losing sexual access to their female partner, or worse, of being cuckolded and providing resources for children that are not
their own.
—–
This one is also interesting
https://belatina.com/the-dynamic-world-of-polyandry/
Rereading this article and discussing it this week with Matt, it occurred to me that the hardest thing for him to accept (which according to him had caused him the most jealousy) was when my “friend” and I decided to give up condoms (we were both clean and I was wearing an IUD, so why bother with a piece of plastic).
He felt like he was losing the privilege of being the only man to have unprotected sex with me.
Perhaps this sperm competition begins in the minds of our men long before it happens in our wombs.
As a guy who has never done a threesome of any kind it seems like there would be lots of competition in the bedroom. Does one of them take the lead and the other take seconds or how does it even work? Does the competition in the bedroom lead to conflict outside? Can you explain?
I went into some pretty graphic detail in a couple of the earlier blogs. I felt like a erotic novel writer. I know some of you thought that was bordering on what you felt comfortable seeing on this site so I won’t get into too much detail with this response. You are welcome to ask on the forum and I can give some more detail if my response doesn’t clarify.
There isn’t much with regard to competition, at least from my end. The focus is on me, which I adore. We do tend to start with one boy and finish with the other but I mostly dictate the positions which also dictates who will be where. This isn’t “old hat” by any means, we’ve only done things as a group a few times since the blogs that I posted. We are certainly still finding our way. The guys don’t tease each other, I wouldn’t be alright with that.
I know you say the attention is on you but do they ever give attention to each other? Has this been discussed? If anything between the two of them was desired. Would you allow it?
If something like that happened I wouldn’t be opposed although both of them don’t seem interested.
Fear of the unknown really is worse than than the truth, maybe not because it hurts more, because it has no bottom and can drag everything else with it.
How do you open up these discussions with you and Kev and vise versa?
From a developmental point of view has the possibility of extended time with Andrew been discussed? From the perspective that I have it wound be difficult for me (in Andrews shoes) I know I would want to take my new girlfriend on a short trip or vacation (world events permitting) after a few months of fun seeing and playing. Would that be pushing boundaries too much for something this new?
P.s. I think the way you brought your new relationship to this blog was very well done. It was erotic literature, but tasteful and it offered a big change of pace. That is something all relationships need to feel fresh and fun, and you do have a strong relationship with what goes on here. It seemed like you enjoyed it, maybe start expanding the stories section you created the forums if it helps you stay light hearted and creating.
P.p.s. Birth control is an amazing development in the ability for Women to make their own strong choices in life. But I hate some of the side effects some of the I have observed, admittedly with only a single person over the course of years. Strong hormonal birth control can cause issues, even the more passive one like Mirena cause issues. It is better than being subject to the whims of mother nature and luck but it is an area that needs serious help.
P.p.p.s. I am legitimately sorry that Applebees is the most exciting food nearby. Great food makes conversation so much better and more interesting. Call that a professional stigma. I can understand even corporate American food looks good after months in lockdown mode.
I echo the sentiments of Vikter with regard to your incredible ability to bring the exceedingly important aspects of the topic of your relationship with Andrew and the effects and potential impacts it may have on your beloved Kevin. Your articulate manner and ability to clearly communicate your thoughts is very much appreciated. Bravo young lady!
The subject of cuckolding is a complete mind fuck for me as it relates to my relationship with my Mistress Wife. There are so many tentacles to my feelings about the subject, buy I’ll try to keep my description of those as brief as possible, but might fail. First, I will tell you that She and I have had conversations about sexual relations (for her) with another person. Her instinct tells her that she would prefer to not go down that road for fear of what might ultimately happen in what would potentially, even likely be a highly emotional, very confusing scenario. Newness? Yes, newness is an amazing feeling that you can recognize and enjoy for what it is, and you should be able to wallow in the excitement and pleasure that comes with it. In the end (whatever that may turn out to be) … the newness will wear off. It has to. Then what? The three human beings involved in your relationship all seem to be highly intelligent, secure and perceptive people, and can accept things for what they are presently and potentially into the near term and even long term future. Humans can have their emotions change as circumstances evolve. As such there are potential unanticipated pitfalls that could become apparent that weren’t previously considered. What if Andrew falls in love and wants to claim you as your own? What if Kevin begins to consciously over time feel more and more like the third wheel, or outsider looking in? What if the logical and currently vetted feelings you have for Andrew evolve into something that takes space away in your heart for Kevin? Clearly you are not required nor expected to answer those questions. They are merely hypothetical questions, but those are logically the scary things lurking in the shadows as the three of you progress down your road.
I have mentioned before that my absolute favorite sexual experience with my wife is witness her in the throes of sexual pleasure and ultimate orgasms that they produce. Those sexual activities have always been just her and I and have been amazing. Some more than others, but on average, wonderful. That said and in the context of our Wife Led relationship, the natural progression would be to at least discuss and consider the potential for her to have amazing sexual activities with others that could provide that for her. She has fantasies of course, and in reality, at the end of the day, in our lifestyle relationship, all she would have to do is decide to have sex with another person and it would happen.
In all aspects of my life I am an alpha. Business owner, leader in the community, guy that people always come to for advice and leadership, yuddah, yuddah, yuddah. Alpha in all aspects except one … I have gladly accepted the submissive role in our marriage and all the trappings that go with it, because I knew that she would want to preserve all of the Alpha characteristics that I have/had, many of which were what attracted her to me in first place. As her devoted submissive, I can honestly say that my primary and most important source of pleasure is seeing have her pleasure, sexually or otherwise. Sure I have wondered how it could be to witness my beautiful Mistress Wife having sex with another person merely for the physical joy that would come from it. I’ve asked myself, ‘what would I do if one day she woke and said that she wanted to take on another lover?’ I’ve basically come to the conclusion that I would I would support her decision because she came to that conclusion because it was something she wanted. Because I have thought it, I have basically come to the conclusion that if such a sexual interlude that she would have was with someone that would be a recurring (enough) partner, that I would probably be upset about it … based on the worry of what could happen to our beloved relationship.
So what to do? Well … I don’t know because I am not faced with that prospect, yet. Because of the orgasm control, tease and denial, edging and mostly ruined orgasm I am allowed (not complaining), that it is difficult to also be the long lasting male lover that we both know wants from time to time. It’s a conundrum in a relationship like ours, because it realistically means that we as a couple we have to choose between all of the relationship (and sexual) joy that come from the way we (She) manages my sex, and the ability for her husband to fuck his wife in a way that suitable and satisfying to her … without the use of desensitizers, cock sleeves and the like.
I don’t know what our future holds in regard to whether or not she would decide to have sex with another, but I am comfortable in knowing that whatever it is she might decide would be something that I would ultimately support with enthusiasm. In our relationship, it is not ever about what I want (although she cares about I want when considering things), but if I were to asked how I would want the situation to be, I would have to be honest and say that I would be completely on board with it and would like for whatever lover she took on to be new and non-recurring. You know, for the Newness … which we both know is a fantastic aphrodisiac. *smile We have always had a half-joking saying for each other, even before we entered our WLM, that either of us could have sex with anyone else as long as the other one of us was present. If my wife were to take on a another lover, for me anyway, that would make it go from half-joking to reality. I don’t think I would be able to handle alone time for her another person, be it just overnight down the hall, or a weekend at a hotel somewhere. Although I implicitly trust my beloved wife to be able to manage such a thing emotionally, I pretty sure I can’t trust my head enough to get all fucked up at what may be happening.
Thank you so much for the thinks to the Mate Guarding and Sperm Competition articles. They make so much sense.
Emma, again I am grateful for having come across your impeccable blog for the reasons already stated above, and I am so very much looking for each and every new blog and forum entry that is yet to come. Thank you for this blog!
Thank you for your comments as well, they offer a great and frequently different perspective than I have. Share the blog with your friends!
This part of your comment is very poignant and seems to be extremely common:
In all aspects of my life I am an alpha. Business owner, leader in the community, guy that people always come to for advice and leadership, yuddah, yuddah, yuddah. Alpha in all aspects except one … I have gladly accepted the submissive role in our marriage and all the trappings that go with it, because I knew that she would want to preserve all of the Alpha characteristics that I have/had, many of which were what attracted her to me in first place.
Beautiful posts! Regarding polyandry, my experience as a man not having sex with his Queen, i think it’s down to male’s insecurities. Sorry by the brute comment, but we’ve been conditioned to think that we males somehow ‘own’ our female partners; to me this is consistent with the polygyny numbers, as the other way seems ‘valid’ with that mentality of owning.
But once Kevin completely realizes his unique position i’d think he’ll embrace it totally, not seeing Andrew as competition but indeed as someone that helps providing something else for you. For me, for example, i am sure of what i bring to my Queen so if She ever decides to have a boyfriend i’d totally support Her (and i think i’d be thankful to Him), in the same way i’m thankful to Her female friends for providing something i cannot provide (while maybe as newlyweds i was more on the ‘jealous’ side not wanting Her attention for me split too much).
Loving your blog!