I received an email from a reader who asked about their husband's "masturbation" problem. An excerpt of her email is below:
Well, first off. Don't feel guilty. You have different needs and he has taken matters into his own hands as a way to help make up for the differences between the two of you. Sexual differences are a major reason for breakup divorce so you aren't alone. Your bodies are different so let's leave it at that.
Is your current level of desire something new or did you desire him more earlier in the relationship. Our bodies are cruel mistress as female desire wanes as we get comfortable. If the desire was there and is no longer, you may just need to do some things to give yourself a kick start.
So he isn't willing to try the cage and he isn't willing to give up his daily orgasms. Let's look at the problems individually. Problem number one, he masturbates daily and you aren't a part of the fantasy or the activity. Problem number two, he takes forever to cum and sometimes loses his erection during sex.
Let's talk about number two first because I see it as the bigger of the two problems. Perhaps not bigger but possibly more impactful to the relationship. Even when he gets what he wants, he isn't able to be satisfied since he takes forever to cum and/or loses his erection. If he is masturbating to internet porn, he is seeing lots of visual stimuli and clicking through sexual scenarios that you are never going to be able to hope to fulfill. I would say that he is masturbating to the wrong stimuli. He should be masturbating to you.
Take some sexy photos of yourself or better yet, have him take them for you in provocative poses. Perhaps some with eye contact. You can even look at some porn together and come up with some poses that turn him on. Request that he use those photos exclusively for any masturbation for the next 30 days. During this time, he need not reduce his masturbation. The only difference is that you will be the object of his fantasy, as it should be.…
