This post is about understanding and treating ejaculatory disability/retarded ejaculation by conditioning the penis and male body to regain the ability to orgasm through sexual intercourse and oral stimulation. I’ve received quite a few emails from men suffering from delayed ejaculation and it seems male chastity may play a significant role in resolving this condition. For those unfamiliar with the condition, click here for more information.
Abstaining from ejaculation and touching is very difficult for most men. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline for a man to abstain from touching and pleasuring himself daily or even several times per day. Remember, sex (and this includes masturbation) is supposed to be about fun, relaxation, and pleasure. Routine masturbation will desensitize the penis and make the mind expect very frequent touching and sexual gratification. There’s no reason to stress out over it. The process below can really spice up sexual relationships when done with a partner and rekindle relationships that have been hurt by the inability to reach orgasm. This will be difficult or impossible without a partner so ensure that you have someone trusted and supporting that can work with you through this process.
- Take a break and build up a burning desire for stimulation.
- Make time, then take your time.
- Experiment with losing control over orgasms. Partner play.
- Focus on subtle sensations. Be gentle.
- Go for quality over frequency until you regain sensitivity.
Sensitivity Renewal—1 month
Week 1: Lock it up! 1 week. Cease and desist.
Keep your hands (and anyone else’s) off your penis for one entire week. No sex. No masturbation. When you get erections, just endure them and appreciate them for what they are. Allow the tension and desire to build, and appreciate the pleasure of the erections themselves. Towards the end of the week, you should be going mad with desire to do something about it.
This can be difficult for most men, which is where accessories come into play. These small devices wrap around the penis and prevent the wearer from doing any activities that would take away from the cease and desist plan. Some of these devices have locks which gives a partner full control and confidence that everything is going as agreed. Men touch themselves an average of 90 times per day and many men masturbate daily or several times per day and have been doing so for years.
While these devices may look threatening or uncomfortable, rest assured that they are very comfortable when sized correctly and easily cleaned (with & without removal). These types of devices can be worn for long periods of time, sleeping, working, running and normal physical activity. Plastic devices are even safe to wear for air travel and the TSA screening process. For the first few days, the device can be slightly uncomfortable as your body gets used to it however the body and penis will adapt quickly to the new environment. If you find activities that are incompatible with the device, ensure that he is supervised and unlocked immediately before and re-locked immediately after.
Week 2: Sweet Release!
Wait for it…Wait for a day that the partner chooses and give it a go. This can be very kinky for a couple since the partner has complete control over the day and time of release. One day of release will be allowed during week 2. You might find that putting this release date on a calendar will help keep everyone focused on the goal and eliminate uncertainty and unnecessary questions about release.
Make time for it. Start off with him naked and on his back. Remove his cage. While its off, check for chafing or irritation. If you find any, consider leaving him unlocked until it heals. Once uncaged, masturbate him slowly and carefully If you want, tell him to let you know when he is close. Back off and start over so this all isn’t over in a heartbeat. You can tell him that if he has an “accident” and finishes before you tell him to, the lock will go back on immediately. This should get him to be cooperative since he won’t want to go back in the cage and end playtime. Be playful and enjoy the new control and responsibility that you have taken.
Do not “jerk off”. Take your time, use a personal lubricant, use a loose grip, and be gentle. He has bad habits so do not let him pleasure himself, do it for him. Slow gentle strokes that mimic the feelings that would occur during sex. This should be limited to 10-15 minutes. If orgasm doesn’t happen, clean him with a warm washcloth, rinse the device and re-lock. Orgasm is not expected but is a welcome surprise for both of you when it happens.
Lube is mandatory! No more dry fist. Personal lubricants or lotions are a must.
Let’s talk about technique. For the male, you’re going to want to do some things for your partner:
- Make your locked time about your partner; give massages, provide oral stimulation. Channel your sexual frustration into the needs of your partner to ensure that he or she feels both physically and supported. This process is confusing and challenging for them and they are doing it for you and for the good of your relationship.
- Supervised self love is acceptable but partner control is highly recommended.
- Other play is OK. If you enjoy anal or nipple play, do it! This process is about regaining sensation to the penis not about denying pleasure. Use this as an opportunity to try something new in the bedroom. Many men find that other areas of the body especially the prostate can become far more sensitive. The device should not be removed for play.
- Select and agree to unlock dates with your partner beforehand to set expectations. Your partner will adjust the dates depending on your partner’s schedule, your behavior and your overall compliance.
Weeks 3-4: Twice per week (Maximum)
As with the previous weeks, the rules are:
- The partner will determine when the lock will come off.
- Very brief unlock periods. Unlock him, allow him to wash himself (supervised) and play with his penis using a light grip or fleshlight. Never leave him unlocked for more than 30 minutes before locking him back up.
- Release times shouldn’t be routine. Keep him on his toes and surprise him.
- Make sure to clean the device and body each time it is removed.
- Use techniques that are more similar to sex, ie., gentle, lubricated, friction at a moderate speed.
- Select and agree to the unlock days beforehand to set expectations. Feel free to adjust dates depending on behavior.
- The partner is in control and determines when it comes off and when it goes back on.
- Release refers to being released from cage, not orgasm. Orgasm is optional.
- No sex.
Try having sex!
- Be gentle.
- Take your time.
- Try to let erections happen naturally.
- Use lubricant.
- Keep masturbation to a minimum and focus on methods that simulate sex when you masturbate.
- The partner’s orgasm is a right and the locked male’s orgasm is a privilege. Treat it as such.
The cage is a great tool to add to your relationship and provides a new method of control. Do you like the way you are treated when he is locked? Lock him up for a few days and enjoy!
What if I’m still not reaching an orgasm during sex?
If you relapse into not being able to orgasm during sex, repeat weeks 3 and 4 as necessary. To keep things interesting and exciting, this should be done at the partner’s discretion. Still not reaching orgasm? Try a 2 or even a 3 week lockup period with release from cage, teasing, brief stroking/masturbation periods and even sexual intercourse but no ejaculation from manual stimulation. Eventually the male body will need to get the semen out and ejaculate naturally during intercourse. Note that temporary/brief periods of erectile dysfunction is common during this period so don’t be concerned if you have trouble maintaining or achieving an erection for a few sessions during this period as the brain will be confused as it disassociates masturbation with release. Just increase the teasing with your partner the days before you intend to have intercourse to ensure the body is associating you with ejaculation instead of your hand.
Also look for different masturbation traits that the male body might associate with masturbation and orgasm. For example, outstretched legs and flexed leg muscles. Some males can only reach orgasm while laying on their back or sitting up. Ask him if he clenches his buttocks, flexes his legs or tightens his PC muscle. Try having him kneel, sit on the edge of a bed or stand during release. Mix things up a bit, perhaps the body has grown accustomed to only reaching orgasm when a series of conditions have been met. A longer lockup period with constant teasing should overcome any body conditioning that has occurred over time.
Last but not least! If orgasm does not happen during sex after reduced release period schedule above, the male should be locked up and unlocked once a week for supervised cleaning and brief tease & denial period to keep anticipation, arousal and testosterone production high. Don’t let him clean himself in the shower, you should unlock him and clean him with warm washcloth. Clean the cage with warm soapy water. Tease his penis for a few minutes and then use a cold washcloth and maybe some lube or lotion to help him back into his cage. Have sex whenever you feel like it but if he does not ejaculate, he should be locked up immediately. Sex ends and so does his opportunity for sexual release. Don’t let him put too much pressure on himself, let him know that it will happen eventually. After a series of weeks or months without ejaculation, the body will forget his conditioned masturbation and be ready to accept any new pattern that you choose to impose on his body. During this period of time he will be whiny and annoying. Be prepared to remove his weekly cleaning session or delay sex as a punishment if necessary. There should be no conversation about unlocking, releasing or sex unless you initiate it. It should cease when you choose. Once normal ejaculation patterns are established, you can cut back to the previous schedule.
Other advice for getting over delayed ejaculation:
- Mayo clinic on Delayed Ejaculation
- Savage Lovecast episodes
- Savage Love advice column
- Vice.com: ‘Death Grip Syndrome’: Internet Myth or Penis Ruiner?
- A super-long thread about it on Reddit
If you continue to have problems, go see your doctor. There may be other lifestyle or health issues at play that need to be checked out.
Keep your partner happy
There is no reason (or excuse) that this process should leave your supportive partner feeling left out. During the time wearing the device, you will find that the sexual frustration and desire can be channeled into doing housework, providing massages or oral stimulation for your partner. Your partner is very supportive for agreeing to participate in this program and for dealing with your orgasmic difficulties. Keeping your partner’s needs and desires as a high priority will ensure the success of this program and of your relationship. Share this article with your partner and ensure that he or she is on-board with the program prior to starting it. Communication is key, this is a 4+ week commitment so ensure that you are both ready to embark on this journey together. The tips and explanation below will help him or her understand the process and how they can best support you through this journey. This is a partnership, be strong and resist any temptation to cheat as it will only be robbing yourself.
Tips for the partner holding the key
Congratulations. Your male is one of the millions of men who cannot control their masturbatory habits and he has developed such deep routines that he cannot ejaculate during normal sexual activity. You aren’t alone and this is becoming far more common with the accessibility of pornography and our highly sexualized culture. We’ve got some tips for you along with some other relationship guidelines to employ during this journey and even after the ejaculatory problem has been remedied. If you’ve gotten this far, you understand that there are devices that can be locked on the penis to help guide your male into controlling these urges. Although research is difficult since very few people discuss the intimate details of their sexual relationships sales of chastity devices have been increasing at record rates. Much of this may be due to changing political climates as women take more powerful roles in society. If sales estimates are to believed nearly two hundred thousand American men are locked right now. There were over 800 thousand Google searches for “Male Chastity” in 2017. Although I don’t think anyone would call male chastity mainstream, it is certainly gaining in popularity and mainstream visibility in pop culture as the topic of some recent cable television shows. You will play an integral role in taking back your man’s sexual energy by holding the key to his manhood and it will be your responsibility to ensure that he is unlocked for as little time as possible during the retraining of his mind and penis. The male orgasm is frequently used as an escape from the his day, his stress and even from your relationship. Your male has delayed ejaculation and this is a great way to resolve his sexual issue without any sort of drugs. This also creates an inroad for you to incorporate some relationship management tools to help you keep his energies focused on you. These types of relationship changes can be much more difficult for the woman to initiate with her male if there isn’t a catalyst such as delayed ejaculation. Hundreds of thousands of couples are using devices that help control and channel sexual energy. I am a dominant female and much of what I write below is based on my beliefs that females always maintain a level of dominance in relationships to retain better household order. Feel free to modify this however you think it would best work for you and your relationship. Think of it as me providing you a set of tools, use any of them to build whatever you want. As you continue reading, you will quickly see that this might be the missing link to your relationship that you never knew existed. Take any of the tips below and use them as you see fit to retrain your male using positive reinforcement, his natural hormones and sexual appetite to be your perfect partner. If done properly, he will absolutely crave opportunities to make you happy.
Always be teasing!
Many males believe that they will always be horny. If you lock them up and ignore them, they think that their desire to get off will continue to grow. This is true up to a point, but the fact is that if a man or woman is not sexually stimulated, over time the desire for sex will diminish and eventually disappear almost completely. That’s why regular, non orgasmic sexual activities are needed to keep him wanting. It may seem cruel, but a key component is to keep your caged male in a continuous state of heat. Every minute of every day without an orgasm should feel like it is lasting forever and he should grow more and more desperate for release. The best way to do this is through regular non-orgasmic teasing. Brush by his locked penis on a frequent basis, the uncomfortable pressure on his penis is a reminder of the pleasure that you are withholding from him. Rest your hand on his cage when sitting or cuddling to reassure him and remind him of your dominance during this program. Kissing his ear and letting him feel your warm breath on his ear and neck can be agonizing. One added bonus is that you no longer have to worry that excessive foreplay and teasing on your part will end up with sexual expectations. Quite the contrary! Remember that this exercise is not about denying you, it is about denying him. If you are feeling horny, don’t hesitate to take your male’s penis out and play with it at any point. This can be in your hand, your mouth, your vagina or anywhere else. Just remember that the session can (and often should) end with you having an orgasm and him going back into his cage without an orgasm. You shouldn’t need to change or neglect your sexual needs because of his situation. During play, he should not be allowed to stroke or play with his un-caged penis. Locking his hands or restraining him while you play with his parts can be fun too. After the first week, feel free to have sexual intercourse and if you finish before he does, he goes back into the cage without release. After you finish, say the word “off” and the male should be trained to climb off, climb out of bed and stand patiently by the side of the bed with his hands behind his back until his penis gets flaccid. Once you feel like he is soft enough, say the word “cage” and the male should get his cage and close his cage securely. For additional emotional impact, you should be the one to close the lock, remember to smile and make flirty comments when you turn the key or hear the lock click shut. Ensure that he remembers he is in his cage and his frustrated state because you put him there and not because he didn’t ejaculate. Don’t make him feel bad about his lack of ejaculation, just say something like “oh well, didn’t happen tonight”.
In all aspects of this program, you are in control and don’t let him forget what he is missing out on! You can tease your male by dressing in clothes that you know he will find arousing. As you are teasing him, ask him frequently how tight his cage is. Many women even choose to wear the key to his device on a necklace or anklet as a constant teasing reminder of the control that she has over him. The key on the necklace or anklet doesn’t even need to be the key from his device, at this point any key will remind him of his frustrating situation. It can be lots of fun to keep the teasing going, even in public! Initially when you are out, you will notice that he is much more distracted by attractive people of his favored gender. This is uncontrollable and will happen because of his current hormonal state. When you observe this behavior, you should make him aware of it by asking how tight his cage is right now. You can easily remind him of his plight by getting his attention and pointing to your key. Some couples even create a one to ten scale of how tight and uncomfortable his cage is. His wayward glances will eventually subside as the body begins to associate the discomfort of device with sexual arousal. An added bonus is that this conditioning may even help him ignore these types of distractions long after the cage has been removed – that is, if you choose to remove it.
When teasing your male, the objective is to get him aroused, humiliated and incredibly frustrated without letting him release. When you are getting ready in the morning, do it completely nude or in a g-string. Bend over in front of him, brush your fingers through your hair, bite your lip and look into his eyes. All of these things will be incredibly frustrating for him due to the pressure that is building up in his cage and you will see it in his face almost instantly when the blood starts flowing to his penis. Bend over in front of him, displaying your vagina in ways that would normally result in him initiating sexual activity and suddenly the fit of his cage will be much more snug. Watch very closely as he starts to get aroused, his growing discomfort can be quite entertaining to watch. Accidentally brushing against his cage, sitting on his lap, grinding against him or randomly groping or grabbing is a great way to keep him constantly reminded that his penis will not be used until you authorize it. When laying in bed, he will grind against you in a futile attempt to use his locked penis.While he may think it is for his fun, your real objective is to keep those hormones flowing and reminding his body of what it is missing. You can do this over and over as many times as you want to keep your male’s frustration levels and sexual energy very high. When you are away from him, sending erotic photos or simply a photo of your key will do wonders to tease him while he is at work or out with friends. When he does earn his release, let him make decisions that he may find humiliating. For example, let him know that you will allow him to ejaculate on your chest as long as he licks all of it up. If he doesn’t want to, no problem – he can ejaculate in a few more days. Another popular one is to allow him to ejaculate but only after he has performed oral sex on you for a number of minutes or orgasms, make him earn his release. If he doesn’t do a good enough job, lock him back up until next week. Once you’ve overcome the delayed ejaculation, he can use his mouth to clean up the mess he makes in your pussy. Just remember, no orgasms until the release times that you determine but those releases can be as frequent or infrequent as you want! Unauthorized release needs to have consequences. The unlock periods don’t always have to end in orgasm, many times you may want to allow him to masturbate for just a couple minutes before locking him back up. You don’t need to tell him that he is working against the clock, just say times up sweetheart, I’m ready for bed go get your cage. Giving him very brief periods of time with which to achieve orgasm will help condition his body to put more urgency on a timely ejaculation. Males need rules, consistency and consequences to thrive and you can provide all of those things for him so don’t be afraid to be strict!
For many males, porn and masturbation go hand in hand. You shouldn’t need to alter or stop him from viewing porn. The act of viewing porn will provide a rush of blood to the penis but the male will have no outlet for the frustration and discomfort caused by his caged erection. The punishment for viewing pornography will be self fulfilling and as such the cage can be an extremely powerful and effective porn discouraging device without you ever having to say a word. Masturbating in front of him, allowing him to perform oral sex on you or allowing him to penetrate you with a vibrator or strap-on instead of his penis can be incredibly agonizing since he knows that without being unlocked, there is nothing that he can do to derive physical pleasure from the experience. One of the first things you will notice is that oral sex will be far better than it was previously as he won’t be rushed to move on to penetration. Take a shower together with him knowing that it won’t end up leading to feeling pressured into awkward shower sex. Just remember that teasing builds desire and this entire process is far more effective and rewarding if you tease him as frequently as possible. After he has been locked for some time and his body is accustomed to the cage being present you can unlock him and go on a date or out to dinner with him completely unlocked. This will likely result in a constant uncomfortable erection for the duration of your date. Asking him to urinate immediately beforehand will help ensure that he has no excuse for disappearing into the restroom for an unauthorized release. Be unpredictable with your demands to help ensure that he is constantly at your beck and call.
Males get their self esteem from many places including self pleasure and sexual encounters. Many hormones are produced during the production of sperm and those hormones will cease to be produced if the body slows the production of sperm. Many males get more of a self esteem boost from one successful sexual encounter than dozens of compliments or gifts. You will need to watch your male to ensure that the cage isn’t damaging his self esteem or causing him to fall into a depression. Some males will get so emotionally upset about the device that they start crying and come to you for support. Support him and console him as needed, remind him that the feelings will pass and how proud you are of him. If you feel that these issues might be happening, an unexpected release may be in order to keep his mind in order. Release him, allow him to wash himself (supervised) and if you choose, you can play with his penis for a few minutes without release. Stop touching and once his erection subsides, lock him back up and compliment him on how well he has been doing with this process. During this time you can also get him started using the “off” and “cage” commands mentioned in the previous section.Getting the penis back in the device can be difficult but a washcloth soaked in cold water will cause even the strongest of erections to subside quite quickly.
While the male is locked, remind him to be compliant with your needs since so much of his physical and emotional needs are now riding on you being happy and satisfied with his behavior. React thankfully and appreciatively when he performs desired behaviors such as unsolicited massages or other behaviors that you desire to tap into the reward system of the male psyche. Positive affirmations of this type of behavior will ensure that it continues even after he is unlocked. Request that he be nude around the house or in the bedroom and compliment him on his body and his locked penis. Refer to his locked penis as cute and adorable, this will help normalize his caged penis for him and help him feel sexy. You can offer to take photos of him wearing his cage to make him feel sexy and know that his cage-wearing is pleasing you. Ask him to do small tasks around the house so you have excuses to praise him. Sweetie will you get me a glass of water? Honey will you get me a pillow for my back? Overpraise these small acts to assert your appreciation for him and the new role that he is taking in your relationship. The goal is to make this a part of normal life for as long as you choose for it to be. Make his cage a topic of frequent conversation and not a topic to be avoided – you don’t want him to feel like his cage is shameful. As with any type of relationship, communication is key.
Many men find that not having to worry about their sexual needs will free their mind to be more emotionally attentive to their partner and other things in life. The male mind is preoccupied for much of his day with thoughts of sex and fantasizing about various sexual conquests. During the lock-down periods, the male will find that he is more focused and productive at work and life in general. Some men will find themselves emotionally attached to the cage after a few weeks because of the sense of support and confinement afforded by the cage. As they grow accustomed to the fit, many men will find that their penis begins to ache when it is not supported by the cage. Remember to ask him to thank you for his frustration and discomfort and tell you that it is all worth it to please you. Remind him that this isn’t a cock cage but a vacation or escape from the pressure that his body and society puts on him for constant masturbation and release. When the time comes for you to release him for an earned orgasm, limit him to several minutes to reach orgasm for you. When stroking his penis, be very gentle and use a lubricated hand. If he doesn’t reach orgasm during the time that you’ve set aside for him, lock him back up and remind him that there will be a next time. If you can give specifics, that is even better. “We can try again on Tuesday”. Keep things positive and remind him that this time didn’t work out but he can always try to orgasm next time. As with his relationship behavior, remember to praise and reward him for sexual behavior that suits you.
That’s right; keeping your male in a chastity device is not just fun and games. Below are real benefits to having your male under lock and key.
- It stops your male from wasting his time and libido masturbating. If you are in a relationship, all of his sexual energy should be directed at you. It should not be wasted on him touching himself and thinking about other women. As long as he can masturbate, he is not focusing 100% of his thoughts on you and your relationship.
- Your sex life will improve. Because he’ll have to please you in order to get his release, he’ll become a more caring lover. For best results, remember to support and guide him to desired behaviors.
- Your relationship will become stronger. Male chastity encourages open and honest communication about each others needs. This is an incredible benefit for any couple, and can help any couple improve their natural bonding.
- His orgasms will improve. As long as he can masturbate regularly, he is taking action that desensitizes his penis. Once he is on a more normal ejaculation schedule, his penis will become more sensitive and his orgasms will become stronger. In the case of males with ejaculatory disabilities (like your male), this can be corrected permanently in a matter of weeks.
- You’ll never have to worry about him cheating on you. Face it – most men, no matter how much they love their wives, can’t turn down an attractive, sexy woman. Male chastity makes it impossible for him to act on these urges, so you are helping him remain faithful.
- The romance will come back into your relationship. As long as he knows he can have sex with you any time he wants, there’s no reason for him to romance you. That’s why the romance stopped after you got married. By controlling his sexual access to you, you’ll train him to be a more romantic lover.
- You’ll never have to perform oral sex on him again if you don’t want to.
- Your friends will compliment you on what a wonderful, attentive husband you have. They will be so jealous of your strong, committed relationship. What better symbol of commitment?
- He’ll become much more helpful around the house. His body craves pleasing you, he’ll actually volunteer to do the dishes and clean the bathroom.
- He’ll feel better about himself. Most men are ashamed that they masturbate so often (usually seven to 15 times a week! Ewww!). But, they are slaves to their libido and can’t help themselves. It’s an addiction. Mostly it makes them feel like little boys who can’t control themselves. Once he no longer is able to give into the temptation to masturbate, he’ll feel proud of his self-control and behave more like a grown-up man who releases his sexuality into his wife, instead of down the shower drain.
Questions & Nagging
For the first week or two, the only thing that the male will be able to think about is being unlocked. Understand that what he is going through is like nothing he has ever experienced. Since he was a teen, he has been waking up with morning wood and now he will be sleeping with a restrictive device attached to his body. He will likely ask frequent questions and nag you about unlocking him. While extremely annoying, this is his way of trying to take control back. This exercise is about taking control of his orgasms and penis away so set a firm unlock date and refer to that every time he brings it up. Some of the commonly heard excuses are aching, throbbing pain in the testicles, soreness or pain from the cage and difficulty sleeping. In the case of soreness caused by the cage, inspect for rashes or irritated areas and some sort of lubricant such as Vaseline or bag balm. If nagging continues, you may consider asking him to do a physical exercise to take his mind off it, my personal favorite are telling him to go for a 2 mile run, to the gym or to do push-ups. Remind him how well and snug he told you that the cage fit when you initially locked him into it and ask him what has changed since then. Explain that it is all just psychological and his mind is just playing tricks on him. For excessive complaining, you can always resort to increasing the number of days until his next unlock as a “punishment”. A couple changes to his release calendar and scheduled tease and denial sessions will undoubtedly get his attention. Remember that the female orgasm is a right and the male orgasm is a privilege. A privilege that you control.
Is this BDSM?
The short answer, it is up to you! Relationships are fluid and this is a great way to mix things up. This can absolutely be a form of sexual submission that can be used in a sexually playful manner to enhance the relationship or in a very clinical manner strictly to encourage normal male orgasmic behavior. Forced chastity is used in the BDSM community for role reversal and female dominance. This process will do many of the same things but the purpose here is to reset the body from excessive conditioning to a certain type of penile stimulation. You can go either direction with this but most choose to make this a very vanilla part of every day life with some kinks and taboo mixed in for good measure. Find what is right for you but be yourself. If you didn’t dress up in BDSM gear before, don’t start doing it now. You want him to understand that this is part of his relationship dynamic and not some persona or character that you are pretending to be. After the initial experiment, you can always come back to the cage whenever the male’s inability to orgasm returns.
If you want to mix a level of punishment into your play, you can reward and punish your male for various behaviors. Remember that positive rewards, praise and compliments will guide the male’s behavior so don’t forget to reward actions that you like.You washed the dishes without being asked! Let’s go to the bedroom for a few minutes of touching without removal from your device. Feel free to create attainable goals for him. If you lose 10 lbs, you will earn a few days of release. You can even perform oral sex on him while still in the device. Just make sure that you remove his penis from the device and wash both the device and penis very well beforehand. Other positive and negative training techniques can be used. For example spanking or other corporal punishment types can be used after an unsuccessful session to punish the male for an unsuccessful ejaculation attempt. The cage may be removed for the spanking session but it is usually better to leave the cage on. When spanking him, move his cage to the left or right to ensure that you don’t hit his penis or balls (unless you intend to!) but this will further remind him about the level of his submission to you. Note that this should not be an enjoyable or kinky session, it should be a genuine punishment that the male dreads. Bringing the male to tears will leave an impact and will ensure that a negative bond is created between the undesirable behavior and the punishment. After said punishment you should ensure that you hug and thank him for allowing you to correct him to ensure that the bond is created between the behavior and the punishment not between you and the punishment. You may consider having the male sit in the corner facing the wall for “corner time” with or without restraints after punishment to allow his body to think about and condition itself to the punishment that he has received. He may wear the pants but you can be the one that pulls them down for his spankings. I am trying to break my male of cursing in public as I just find it revolting behavior and thus I am using spankings as a bit of an opposite swear jar. Every curse word I hear, I audibly say a number depending on the vulgarity and frequency. 1, 3, 10, next thing you know it the poor guy has 20 or 30 spankings coming his way from an afternoon of conversation. I’ve seen quite a difference in his swearing and when he does slip up, I can see the disappointment in his face moments after. When he deserves a higher amount level of punishment, I’ve also started spanking his testicles. A well aimed testicle spanking can cause quite a bit of pain to a male. Think about getting hit in the breasts and how much that hurts, then multiply that by 5 or 6 times. Another more positive option is to give a command each time he appears very close to orgasm. A command or clicker can begin to make some males have the ability to ejaculate on command. For this to be successful, you should start giving the command while he is ejaculating from masturbation so his brain builds the association between ejaculation and the command. As he grows more accustomed to the command you may be able to give the command while he is masturbating to help finish the job. After a few months, once it appears that the command is actually triggering the ejaculation you may find that the command will work during lovemaking since the association is hard wired into his brain. Note that he should not be allowed to masturbate on his own (without you giving the command) during this period or the submissive connection that he has with you can be easily broken. If the male does not respond appropriately within a few moments of the ejaculation command the session can cease and punishment can be applied. The positive and negative real-world consequences can be used together to help expedite the process.
Couples that choose to go down the kinky road will incorporate certain fetishes into the experience to re-enforce the female’s dominance. Light bondage like handcuffs or rope can be used to secure his hands on release days to ensure that you are the only person touching his penis while he is unlocked and cleaned. Remember that when caged, the prostate of a locked male will become extremely sensitive and feel much like a female g-spot. I won’t go into prostate, pegging and anal play here as there are plenty of resources available for that but females can find strap-on play extremely arousing because of the intense feelings of sexual dominance. I highly recommend that you make pegging a relationship goal if you haven’t already. If pegging isn’t your cup of tea, you can request that your male wear a butt plug and panties while performing household chores, cooking, massaging you or even just around the house. Panties can play a secondary role in that they are typically a bit tighter and hold everything in place just a bit better than male undergarments do. Additionally a locked cock looks small and cute (at least to me), panties help complete the picture. Others enjoy a full role swap and give the woman a strap-on dildo. The strap-on can be a very interesting and exciting combination when used together for role play. After your male is locked for a few days, a mere suggestion to try any of this should be more than enough to get him interested. When my male ejaculates inside of me before I have reached orgasm, he is responsible for giving me oral sex until I climax. Depending on how long it has been since his last orgasm, this can take some convincing because of the presence of his semen but he is understanding of my needs in our sexual relationship. Sometimes I will tease throughout the day and give the impression that I will allow penetrative sex that evening. Often I will keep him locked and allow him to penetrate me with a strap-on dildo. We also have penis sleeves that lengthen and/or enlarge the penis that I will ask him to use on me. Imagine that these sleeves are very thick condoms so he will feel nothing aside from the emotional closeness of penetrating me. I on the other hand get to feel a slightly different penis down there which can be curious in and of itself. The point is, be creative and be brave enough to leave your boundaries at the door to keep things as kinky or vanilla as you please. The intention is to strengthen your relationship and the process doesn’t have to feel like work from your side. It will undoubtedly be work for him, might as well take the opportunity to have fun with it.
Only you can determine the boundaries that you select for these activities. Whatever you decide, you will find that the male is far more docile and likely to do things that he wouldn’t normally do when you are using a tool like a cock cage to help persuade him. Use this as opportunity to find out how far you can push his boundaries when he is yearning to for your approval and orgasm. Nearly everything you do while your male is caged will be exciting and arousing to him since his hormones are running wild and he feels like he is pleasing you. Talking about past sexual relationships and fantasy experiences between you and other men or women to test him out. Talk about fantasies that might be well outside his comfort zone. If you have fantasies of seeing him with another man or including another man or woman in the bedroom with both of you, this is the time to get him to agree to such a scenario. Try pushing the boundaries of his sexuality while he is in this heightened hormonal state. For straight males, talk about bisexual or gay fantasies and for gay males, talk about bisexual or straight fantasies. It can also be very fun and exciting to ask him humiliating or embarrassing questions and see where things go. As your male becomes hornier, fetishes that include humiliation will become more and more arousing to him. The longer he is teased and denied, the more emotional pain and control he will be feeling. As his new reality starts to sink in, you will see him request to be more submissive and even request humiliating things to demonstrate his obedience to you. You can of course choose to entertain this behavior or not. From servant to submissive partner, you have the tools to mold any level of obedience out of your male. Choose what works for you!
When it comes to allowing him to orgasm, bargains and dares can also be fun. You can offer to help the male orgasm at the cost of tasting some of his semen once he finishes. Most retaining males will enthusiastically agree to your deal to get sexual release and regret it once they have to hold up their end of the bargain. I’ve seen electric shock penis cages that can allow you to shock him while in public using a remote control to provide immediate correction to behaviors. I can’t even begin to imagine how much fun the two of you could have with something like that. You will be amazed at the scenarios that he will agree to while in this state. If he says no to something, drop the subject and wait a day or two and ask the question again and you may find that you get a different response as his sexual frustration and hormones build. Over time, you will find that his stated limits will become very flexible. As you experiment, you will find that some males respond fine to a gentle but assertive tone and others require a much more dominant tone. Some males respond fine to the threat of a punishment and others need to be punished several times before they realize that your wishes need to be respected. Try more forceful punishments such as floggers or canes to really drive your point home. The power of controlling his orgasm and the ability to bring him to tears cannot be overstated, the hormones released during a painful experience can really complete the picture. Remember also that restraints for any of these things will heighten his sense of helplessness and his bond with you. If you feel like you still aren’t getting through, try changing your communication style from kind to cruel and see what level of dominance he responds best to. Exerting continued emotional control over him will reinforce his mental submission to you and keep him focused on your needs. Always remember that your needs come first in the relationship. Happy wife, happy life.
If you have trusted friends, you can even bring up the cage in conversation and mention it in a lighthearted way. If he is present, the look on his face and humiliation he will feel will be priceless. The friend may request to see or feel the cage through his pants. If you choose to talk to friends about this, you may be surprised at how common of the practice of caging the male penis actually is. If your friends seem interested, consider loaning your key to the friend for a few days and getting it back next time you see him or her. The distress your male will feel knowing that even you are powerless to release him until you get the key back will be exhilarating. To that end, consider leaving the key at home and going away with your male for a weekend trip. If he asks about the key you can tell him exactly where it is.
Humiliation is powerful and a huge turn on to many men when done correctly, the male brains are hard wired to take criticism and embarrassment and turn it into sexual energy. Require him to ask permission before doing even the smallest of tasks. When caged, your male should be nude as much as possible so you can “admire” him. This applies to when you have him doing household chores and especially while sleeping. Clip a dog leash or short rope to his cage and lead him around the house with you. Lots of great humiliation ideas center around size or sexual inadequacy since this is a sensitive topic for males, even those with normal to above average penises and sexual performance. Have him wear your strap-on while sitting around the house or doing chores. Tell him that you want him to feel what it would be like if he had a big penis. Put your dildo or vibrator inside you, play with your clit and tell him how much larger it feels inside you. When pegging him or playing with your toys in front of him it can be fun to remind him that your toy is larger than his penis. You can perform oral sex on one of your toys and gag a little, remind him that you don’t gag on his penis like that. Hold it up to compare sizes and giggle a little bit. Have him masturbate to orgasm and then offer yourself for sex knowing that he won’t be able to get hard enough to complete the act. Make him suck on your toy as if giving a blowjob and demand that it be convincing. Sometimes when he is talking to you, request that he kneel in front of you. When you are allowing him to release, grab a pair of your dirty panties and require that he ejaculate into them when he cums. Look at pictures of past lovers with him on social media. Even better if you have saved an old photo album or recount a sexual experience or two that you found especially arousing. Try to use as many details as possible. You really can’t cross any lines, if you ever dig deep with something he will bring it up later and you can remind him that you were just playing with his emotions. Tell him that you would like to take a shower with him, start with him soaping you up and massaging your shoulders then turn off the water and ask him to kneel on the ground while you urinate on him. This isn’t for everyone but urine is totally sterile and the power exchange of peeing on my guy is weird to explain but oddly erotic.They make hollow dildos that are meant to extend the length or expand the girth of the penis, purchase a couple of those and request that he wear one for sex. The ones that I’ve seen are very cheap and extremely thick so he won’t feel much during sex although you will feel a bit fuller for the experience. Over-reacting and commenting about the feelings of pleasure that you get by feeling more full will absolutely give you the reaction that you are looking for. Some dildos have suction cups, try sticking one to the wall of the shower and see how far he can deep throat it. Videotape any of these for viewing later, you can even ask that he masturbate to these videos the next time you offer him a release.
If you still wish to keep all of these benefits after your male is ejaculating during intercourse, there are a few options. The first and recommended option is to get him on a release schedule. Male testosterone levels peak after they are allowed to build for 4 to 5 days so most males thrive from a 5-7 day release schedule but this should be modified to meet your life. I like my male to release every Sunday, allowing him release at the end of the weekend so I can reap all of his positive behavior and directed energies and send him to work on Monday while his sexual tension builds back up. This ensures that I still get all of the positive benefits of his semen retention and I typically work longer days on Monday and Tuesdays to ensure that he is back to his retained state on Tuesday or Wednesday. This can be done with or without the chastity cage but the cage does add a level of subservience to his attitude that will be apparent immediately. The second option is to forbid masturbation and let him climax naturally during intercourse whenever he is able. Natural climaxing is a good option for men that still struggle with climaxing during intercourse. Only allowing release on a certain day may cause unnecessary pressure to perform. With either option, I recommend that you use the cage to help enforce your ban on porn & masturbation. Select your long term release schedule based upon his behavior after he ejaculates. My male’s arrogance and lack of obedience is almost intolerable for about 24 hours after he orgasms but your male may be different. Remember that good behavior should be rewarded and bad behavior should be punished. Try everything and see what works best for your schedule and your male but under no circumstances should you permit him to return to his old masturbation habits.
You will soon find that the more you manage your husbands ejaculations, the more he will desire and pursue you. This will result in more attention, more caring, more love, more romance, in short more courtship. As you move into this phase you will need to establish the balance point at which it becomes wisest to grant your husband his orgasm. Depending on your age, lifestyle and the frequency of your sexual sessions before you began this program, you will need to decide on a starting point and work from there. I usually advise younger couples who might have sex 3 or more times a week to start at allowing orgasm twice or even once per week, middle-aged couples (with more involved lifestyles, possibly with children) who might be having sex 2 or 3 times a week could start with a weekly orgasm. Wherever you start, you will need to gradually start increasing the length of time between orgasms until you reach the point of maximum effectiveness. This will be the point at which the caring and romance start to turn towards irritation and negative behavior. When you see this type of behavior developing, you should back off the length slightly and use this as your guidepost going forward. Timeframes that couples use can vary from 7 – 21 days to as much as 90 days or longer. Typically 30 days is not unusual for couples in their 50s or 60s. Be prepared to listen to your husbands feedback, both verbal and non-verbal to guide you to the best balance.
Below is an example schedule:
- Monday – When he wakes up Monday morning, he knows that his cage goes on. From there we typically have no teasing, no sex discussion, no sex of any kind really. Boring Mondays. I typically work longer hours on Mondays and Tuesday so this suits our schedule.
- Tuesday – Usually nothing, maybe some light “accidental” touching of the cage while in bed but just enough brushing by that he knows I remember that it is there. By now the pressure to have an orgasm is growing within him so he will usually give a very nice massage if I request it.
- Wednesday – If there is talk of sex or conversations start having too much innuendo, we may have a maintenance spanking to remind him of the rules of our relationship. A maintenance spanking is really just a reminder that I am head of the household and that his decisions are secondary to mine. More info on maintenance spankings can be found with a google search. These spankings should be 20-25 minutes in length and should be more humiliating than painful. For example I’ll make him get the paddle and assume the spanking position for about 5 minutes before I will begin. Asserting dominance.
- Thursday – We will usually have sex without allowing him ejaculation. As soon as I am satisfied with the sex session, his cage goes back on. Sometimes the play doesn’t involve removing the cage. If I put on the harness and peg him, the cage stays on. Also sometimes I will masturbate and let him watch either from the bed beside me or standing beside me. Sometimes if I really don’t feel like having him stare at me while I play I will ask him to stand outside the closed door but I’m usually extra loud in that scenario.
- Friday – Usually very little sexual play, he usually gives me a very good massage by this time because he is eagerly looking to ejaculate. Many times by this late in the week he has done something wrong or has become too forward with sexual requests so a good spanking is in order. This is usually 30+ minutes long and will typically leave him in tears or close to tears. If his behavior has been good, we will forego the weekly spanking but we don’t usually do much on Fridays.
- Saturday – We have our weekends off together which is quite nice so we usually spend our Saturday together which allows us a good day to reconnect with each other especially if the previous night’s spanking has been on the more aggressive side -what can I say? His bottom can be a good outlet for my stress and I quite enjoy hearing him complain about soreness the next day. Typically we will do some light teasing that evening if we have a good day together. He is usually talking about his typical Sunday release and I’ll entertain some very brief conversation about it before shutting it down with my numbers 10, 20, etc. Some evening punishments are almost always in order but it is usually just a few and I do them rather lightly.If we don’t feel connected, a reminder that we might skip this week’s release helps get things moving in the right direction.
- Sunday – Sometimes I will unlock him the moment we wake up and sometimes not until after his evening shower but Sundays are his “free days”. We typically have sex that evening and he is allowed to release inside me. If he cannot release inside me, Sometimes I will stop sex at that point and provide a spanking for not ejaculating and sometimes I will usually allow him to sit/lay or stand beside me and masturbate. I like to alternate his expectations and positions to illustrate my control and help ensure that he doesn’t get into too much of a routine. As I mentioned before, if behavior is poor he may go back into the cage or not be released in the first place. The cage is a great way to encourage positive male behaviors.
Above All, Have Fun With It!
If you love him, use his orgasms to help train and mold him into the perfect partner. Remember that you are not punishing your male, you are protecting him from his perfectly normal lack of self-control and guiding him to making more responsible decisions with his sexuality. Enjoy the secret that the two of you have together and take ownership of your sexual relationship. Enjoy the frustration and submission that you see in his eyes and the new found obedience that he will demonstrate. The lines of communication are now open, you will find that he will be much more willing to share his thoughts and feelings with you in this state. You will see an almost instant improvement in male behavior, arguments will decrease and you will find him much more manageable. There are many bad male habits that this can help curb, work on them one by one and before you know it you will have an even more perfect male in your life. Some couples decide to make the cock cage a permanent part of their relationship but other couples use this as a method to help the male regain emotional or physical sensitivity and then revert to the cage periodically to bring the spice back into the relationship and make the partner the focus of the relationship. This is typically done when the partner feels that they are being neglected or they simply yearn for the extra attention resulting from starving a caged male of his physical needs. This can be a massive ego boost for you, and will result in an overall more docile male. This can be empowering for you as well, consider that perhaps for the first time you’ve had full control over the sexual thoughts and frustrations of another person other than yourself. Don’t forget about him, keep it exciting and have a great time with this new relationship tool. Remember that this can be as temporary or permanent as the two of you decide it should be. After the first week, you should really start feeling empowered in your relationship and it may be difficult to go back to the way things were before. Make this about you and your satisfaction.
A responsible woman in control can have a caring and attentive partner with a sole focus is on her wants and desires. The only path to an earned orgasms is by making sure you are happy and that your needs are well taken care of. Adoration by the man of her dreams is a powerful dynamic for any woman. A denied male thinks about sex often and the object of his desire is the only one who can provide him with release. After all, she’s the one holding the keys to his device. Eventually the subconscious link between the reward of unlocking and simply pleasing the woman is built in his mind and his focus will be around pleasing her without having to remind himself of the reward. The typical male masturbates more than he will ever admit. Ridding him of this habit or controlling the behavior for him is instantly achieved by incorporating male chastity. We highly recommend the release schedule to ensure that there is always a release date for the male to prevent unnecessary nagging and questions. This can be anywhere between 3 and 14 days depending on the male and the behaviors that he is displaying. Don’t hesitate to increase or decrease this to provide motivation for the behaviors that you want! After you implement the schedule, the only time he will be jerking himself off is for her entertainment. When a woman denies a man of his orgasm and helps him manage this outlet, there is absolutely nothing he will not do for her. The female is only limited by her artful imagination. Enjoy!
Advantages for Partner
While there will be specific benefits in each relationship but here are some benefits you will notice:
- He will stop taking you for granted or ignoring your needs
- Encourage him to be more attentive and considerate of your desires
- Spice up your sex life with an intimate secret that only the two of you share
- Satisfy you sexually in the way you want him to, as and when you need it
- Return the romance to your relationship as by helping him rediscover the art of wooing
- Peace of mind that he won’t be tempted by pornography or other women
- Unprompted help around the house without any need to nag or scold
- Exciting, erotic fun that’ll add new depths to all aspects of your relationship
Your male will appreciate:
- A subtle yet inexorable motivation to do the right thing
- Freedom from temptation and the guilt that results from succumbing to it
- Powerful, intense orgasms – admittedly less frequent, but far more satisfying
- Significantly more sensitivity in his penis which can be great for men who masturbate too frequently or use a very tight “death grip” when masturbating
- An enhanced, invigorated intimacy that leaves him constantly charged with sexual energy rather than feeling drained and weak
- A naughty secret that will remind him of you wherever he is
- The relaxation that comes from allowing himself to surrender control and submit sexually, particularly if he is expected to take charge in the rest of his life
- A sense of achievement when his efforts to earn his release finally pay off
- A greater understanding of your needs and desires, leading to a stronger, deeper relationship
- A stronger emotional commitment to you and your needs
The above lists are by no means exhaustive, but hopefully clearly illustrate that how benefits of male chastity are far from one sided. By introducing it into your own relationship, you and your partner can also reap such rewards. All it takes is a male chastity device, some recommendations of which are at the bottom of this page.
Do I Lose All Of My Progress If I Let Him Orgasm?
Yes you do lose most of itbut all is not lost! If you don’t want him to orgasm and deal with the week where he is constantly annoying you about how frustrated he is but you still want to give him a reward, you can! Edging is the process of getting him right to the edge of orgasm and then stopping. Once you stop, you can wait a minute or two and start right back where you left off. If he gets to the point where he is about to orgasm every time you touch him, get a cold wet washcloth to get him back down to size and lock him back up until the next playtime.
This process will keep him on the edge of orgasm and never have to deal with the 3-6 day “reset period” for him to get back to his new caged “normal” state. He still gets an intense amount of pleasure without you having to worry about the annoying reset period.
Benefits Of Edging
- Gentle edging will help remove his dependency on his own firm stroking motions that got us to this point in the first place
- It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not
- It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology
- I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time
- He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him
- I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure
- He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible
- He stays in a hypersexualized state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want
- While edging, he is more likely to agree to different fetishes or kinds that I might propose – edging is a great time to propose new and exciting ideas
- It arouses me to see him lost in bliss
- Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it
- I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge
- I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!)
- Our sex is so passionate after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I love it!
- He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things
- He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a while in my hands or mouth. You can even try edging with the vagina but it is a bit more difficult to gauge and you must be on top.
- It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life
Remember that edging requires that you trust him since only he will know when he is about to have an orgasm unless you are extremely in-tune with his body. I’ve found that having punishments for orgasms when we are edging are very helpful. I typically use the same one each time so it doesn’t have to be discussed every time we practice edging. If he cums while edging, he must eat all of the resulting cum and he is immediately caged for one week with no edging sessions. Feel free to tweak that as necessary but that seems to do the trick for us.
As discussed above, the male orgasm can create as much as a 3-6 day reset period. There are a couple of ways that the reset period can be shortened. The most effective method is for the male to clean himself up after orgasm. The hormones and testosterone in the male’s ejaculate can be licked up after lovemaking to ensure that the male’s body has the ingredients on hand to be introduced into the body as quickly as possible. After an edging session, I start by presenting my hand to the male’s mouth and state “clean me” to which he will lick my fingers clean. This is especially easy if I’ve got some vaginal juices on my hand as well. He was reluctant the first couple times but it was only a couple drops from the edging session so he got over himself. This is a great way to get the male to acknowledge that a session has ended.
When the male does orgasm either on himself, on my chest or inside me – he licks it up. We didn’t start here, we worked up to it with several sessions but after the male was conditioned to the word “clean me” it happened quite easily and he did it without any fuss. Make the male lick every drop that comes out of him to ensure that his recovery and reset period is minimized – every little bit helps! Aside from the chemical and nutrient benefits, starting his reset period with an act of submission provides a mental reminder that the male is to follow my lead. If you think your male will be reluctant to take to this, try asking the male to “finish” your lovemaking with his mouth after your male has finished his own in you. If your male protests, just tell him to focus on your clitoris. With a bit of pressure on his head, you can move him downwards to complete the act.
You will recall the use of several trigger words if you’ve been following along, and I hope you have! Through repetition and reward, these words will subconsciously push him into performing an action that suits you. Some of those words are:
- Stop Arguing – End an argument immediately. This can be coupled by pointing to any sort of key jewelry that you might be wearing. If no key jewelry then you can just move your gaze downward at the male’s crotch to help remind him.
- Room – When your male misbehaves, use this command to send him to his room. The literal equivalent of sending your child to his/her room. The room needs to be a room without distractions. Phones and other distractions should be left in a designated place.
- Corner – When a room isn’t available and you need to discipline with a timeout.
- Naked – Your male should remove all clothing.
- Clean Me – Lick something. Your finger. Your vagina.
- Off – Get off the bed and stand beside the bed with your hands behind your back.
- Cage – Cage needs to go on, now.
- Faster/Slower – Can’t leave these out. Every girl needs to control the speed of the deed.
- My good boy – Shows affection, dominance and praise. This is one of my favorites.
- I’m proud of you – Same as above and can be combined with above.
- NO – Stop whatever bad behavior you are doing immediately.
- Kneel – He is to kneel in front of you with his arms behind his back and his head down. This is especially useful when you want to present your womanly parts for his tongue.
- Rope – He is to get rope or other restraint so you can tie him up.
Keep in mind that these are not commands, they are simple gentle reminders to take him out of the moment and into the actions that serve your desire. Remember that the purpose of the cues is to be dominant without dominating your male.
Lifestyle & Punishment
For whatever duration you commit to this, it needs to be a lifestyle and not a game. Every male will treat this like a game at first, it is up to you to affirm that this is not a game or he will bend or break rules for extra attention. If you treat this like a game, this will become work and eventually you won’t want to play his game anymore and you will stop. If you treat this like a game, he will ultimately win because he has so much more at stake and you probably grow resentful about him continually not listening to you. This is a lifestyle that you are trying for a while and both parties need to agree to the rules and understand that breaking rules has some very painful consequences. If this is treated like a game, he will continue to bend the rules and know that there are no real consequences to his actions. He may even purposely break rules during times when he is feeling especially aroused and those are the times you need him locked up and obedient the most! I recommend that you set forth consequences early on. For example, every time my male mentions release, sex or questions if he will be getting sexual attention I just respond with a number which increases according to my perceived severity. I always start with 10 and increase from there (10-20-40 and so on). We frequently have guests staying with us so sometimes I will come up with some other corporal punishment that equates to an amount of paddles. I’ve grown fond of having him lie on the bed holding his legs together straight up in the air with his cage and scrotum exposed behind him while I very quietly and rather gently spank his scrotum with a riding crop or leather paddle. It takes very little force and is completely silent although the impact to him is very real. When silence is a non-issue I really give him strong lashes across his backside. These spanks leave deep red marks on his butt that can be concerning but rest assured that the buttocks is very resilient and can take quite a whooping without any chance of long term damage. I’ve even drawn blood a couple times but it healed very quickly. However hard you think you can spank, slap or whip – go two or three times harder. If the session doesn’t end with him in tears, you aren’t going to leave a lasting impression. After each punishment, give plenty of love! A hug followed by some corner time followed by some TLC and cuddling to reconnect is highly recommended. If his butt is very sore, you can put lotion or a band aid on it. Never apologize, if he seems like he is fishing for an apology, remind him that he did this to himself.Again your intention is to create an association between the negative behavior and his punishment not between you and the punishment. You are simply the instrument that administers the punishment but his decisions are the cause of the punishment and you are delivering the punishment because you love him. Just like when punishing a child, you want them to associate their poor decisions with the punishment not the parent with the punishment. Administering punishments can be difficult and you will want to stop but keep your hand strong and remember that you will never be successful if you treat it like a game, real punishments, real serious and real rewards for complying with your rules and demands. Make this fun and have a great time but keep him on track for behavior change and set him up for success by ensuring that you set very clear rules and punish severely when they are not followed. Delivering the kinds of punishments that will be required to change a grown male’s sexual behavior will undoubtedly seem severe but you will thank me when you see positive results. After delivering a few, you may even come to enjoy it, I know I have.
- Don’t treat this like a game, treat it like a lifestyle. I know that the entire previous section was about this but I can’t reiterate it enough. Any time his chastity is removed, it should be very clear that this is a kindness or reward that you are granting him. The less frequently full orgasmic release is allowed, the easier to control the male and the more likely a natural sexual orgasm will occur. Take any opportunity to remind him that you are his priority and any deviation from that will result in a decrease of frequency for your male’s orgasm. Remind him how poorly behaved and selfish he is after you allow him an orgasm. When you do intend to have sex that night, don’t tell him what kind. Let him wonder if he will be giving you oral sex, receiving anal sex (pegging) or if he will be given the privilege of using his penis for sex with you. If you allow him to have sex with you with his penis, feel his penis first. If it isn’t hard enough or is too hard, cancel or delay sex until the hardness suits you better. You can even ask him to wear your strap-on and have sex with you while remaining locked. Before you initiate sex of any kind, make sure you ask if he got all of his cores/priories done that day. If not, stop until he completes them and delay or cancel sex. When you do have sex, allow him to enter you with just the tip and leave it there until it starts getting soft an lock him back up for not being aroused enough.
- Frequent teasing will help increase desire and remind his body of his natural urges to keep blood flowing down there. Remind him who owns his sexual desire and rewards his positive behavior with orgasms. Whenever he has been well behaved and has his cage off, allow him to stroke his penis to bring himself to an erect state and continue until you tell him to stop. Never let him complete the ejaculation but let him feel a nice strong male erection and the hormones and feelings that brings before submitting to your request to lock himself back up.
- Spankings are not a punishment, but as a reinforcement of this new dynamic, issue out maintenance spankings. Daily/weekly/monthly, however much or little you think is required to keep him focused on your needs. Discipline is love. The new relationship dynamic should be enforced by punishments using tools such as corner time/spanking/paddling/caning. After any corrective behavior, he should always thank you for correcting him and for helping make your marriage/relationship stronger. Failure to thank should result in additional punishments. Carrying your paddle or a large hairbrush around the house with you from time to time will give him a great reminder to stay on task and give you easy access in the event that you require it.
- Reap the benefits of this new lifestyle. Both parties will be satisfied and his body will eventually be retrained to orgasm naturally.
- Keep keys everywhere. Wear key jewelry and make an extra effort to jingle keys when you have them in your hands. Every key he sees will remind him of the key to his locked appendage. After a few months of cage play, buy him a smaller cage or a cage with a remote control and electrodes so you can shock him when you are in public and he chooses to misbehave. If you have several cages, you can dictate which cage he is to wear for that day so he doesn’t become too comfortable with any of them. He should always have a level of discomfort and some cages will encourage that by incorporating spikes or other devices to create discomfort when erections occur.
- You should increase the amount of household chores that are assigned to him. Use punishments if he forgets but do not remind or nag him to do chores. His face and body should be shaved and fingernails, toenails well manicured at all times.
- Reward him by allowing him to touch you when his behavior suits your wishes. Thanks for vacuuming the bedroom, you may play with my breasts for a couple minutes if you wish. After a good massage or a day of running errands with you, allow him to help you get undressed and kiss your vagina or breasts. This demonstrates that your body is a reward that is attainable if he is on his best behavior.
- Randomly request that he kiss your breasts, feet, butt, hand or any other body parts that you want. This will ensure that he understands that you are to be cherished and loved above all else. When he does things that please you, reward him by saying “good boy” to remind him of his place in your relationship and show appreciation for behavior that suits you.
- When receiving your strap-on, do it while he is lying on his back so you can touch/hold his cock cage and look into his eyes while you penetrate him. When you are pegging him doggy style, try sitting still and telling him to do the work. Watching the movements of his body can be very sexy and further illustrates your control of the situation. Although it might not do much for you, I highly recommend that you ask him to lick up his semen whenever he is allowed to release it. It will help increase the perception of your value of his cum and further opportunity to demonstrate obedience to your requests. The rule in our household is – if you cum, you eat it without being prompted unless I give you permission otherwise.
- You know him better than anyone and you can add or subtract anything from this list to make it work perfectly with your male. Don’t treat this like a game. Be as serious as you can and correct him if he laughs or tries to make light of or dismiss the situation. If you find things funny or silly, remember that he won’t take you seriously if you laugh and you will not get the desired outcome. All of these tips will help him become more submissive and will help even the most stoic of me begin to be more in touch with their feelings and communicative. You will have so much to talk about and you will find that he will communicate even the most embarrassing of feelings.
Hopefully you find the information on this blog useful for your relationship. If I can answer any questions, don’t hesitate to leave a comment or use the contact me form. Sorry that this blog turned out so long. I was going to break it up but decided not to. Enjoy!