As I learn more about my sexuality and about how both males and females are wired, I have to question our society’s husband and wife normative. I understand that the world is roughly equal in terms of the ratio of males (50.4%) and females (49.6%). With that ratio, a 1:1 pair bonded ratio makes sense from a societal perspective but for the sake of conversation, let’s ignore that for the moment.
Emotional
I know it isn’t popular to talk about but most women need more communication. I personally feel like I need constant reassurance and conversation. Kev knows this and is absolutely fine with conversation but I am typically the one who initiates it. If he is sitting there and not talking, my first reaction is that he is upset or perhaps that I should be upset with him about something. I always overthink things and I usually catch myself before I get too deep into thought but without communication, I almost immediately assume that something is wrong. When I was living with two fellas, there was always someone talking to me. I know it sounds silly and perhaps needy but when I was engaged in communication twice as frequently and it left my mind less time to overthink.
Connection
Our relationship with a third wasn’t always threesomes, sometimes it was spent connecting one on one. I love those one on one connections and the intimacy. My communication with Kev was constantly reassuring as he wasn’t present for some of that connection time with Andrew but I personally think that making time for everyone is important. Kev needed to feel that intimate connection and know that my love for him was as strong as ever. Andrew needed reassurance that our passionate connection was as strong and exciting as it had been in the beginning.
The Devil’s Threesome
Women can handle more than one man in a sexual experience. Men cannot. Now I know that the FMF threesome is probably more prevalent than the MFM threesome but the variant with two women doesn’t typically result in the sexual satisfaction of both of those women. Likely neither of them would leave the scenario with their lust fully satiated unless of course they engage each other sexually. The threesome with two men and one woman almost certainly guarantees that the woman will be satiated and men rarely leave this type of scenario without an orgasm.
Cuddling
While threesomes come to mind when we are talking about sex among three people it isn’t always the case. While it is true that we shared one bed, we wouldn’t always cuddle together as a throuple (such a weird word). In some cases, I’d cuddle Kev and in other cases, Andrew would cuddle me. Sometimes we would just be a huge mess of arms, legs, penises and boobs. I am a huge cuddler and I absolutely love to hold or be held at night. I never seemed to have an issues finding someone that was willing to give me my sweet cuddle-fix.
Round 2 Sex
While a big people-pile has its merits, one on one sex has a level of beautiful intimacy that can’t be matched. This is actually the most frequent type of sex that we would have. Kev and I would peg and it would turn Andrew on so much that he and I would end up having PIV sex immediately after. Andrew and I would have sex and Kev would get so turned on that he and I would have sex immediately after. As I mentioned in “The Devil’s Threesome” above, men and women are wired differently and many women can take several partners. The hardest part is overcoming social stigma of how bad and wrong society tells us that we should feel for doing something that is so abnormal. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a term for this type of sex so we coined the phrase round 2. I am not insatiable and many times I felt physically exhausted before starting round two but the second, third and subsequent orgasms are far easier for me. Does anyone know if there is an official word for this?
One Man is Not Enough
I am absolutely satisfied with my relationship with Kev and we enjoy our time together. Including a third in our relationship for a time was a wonderful experience and I wouldn’t take it back. From both the sexual and emotional context, he is enough as a partner. With that said, a partner shouldn’t be expected to be your everything. I think it is essential to have a broader social circle. This can and should include men, women, couples and even pets. We are meant to be social creatures and investing everything into one will only lead to disappointment and boredom. On our own, each of is is absolutely enough but together we are so much more. Your partner is your rock but the two of you can experience a much different and diverse intimacy if you include another. Consider a platonic or intimate relationship with another to help diversify your connection. I guarantee you will learn more about each other and become better at fulfilling each other’s needs.
Love Everyone
Spread your wings and be a social butterfly. In this post-covid world, many of us are trying to overcome social anxiety and re-learn what it is to socialize with others. Make others comfortable around you, invite friends to spend time with you. Seek out those who appear to need your love and attention. If your emotional outreach turns into intimate conversation or even physical relationships, accept it at face value and accept that other person. You are beautiful and so many of those around you are as well. None of us are enough on our own, embrace others and bring them into your circle. In the wake of some fairly controversial posts, I figured this one would keep adding fuel to the fire. Got something to say? Leave a note below in the comments.
Ha! Nicely played. I don’t think it was the posts as much as it was some of the comments that were controversial.
Haha. You’re right but for some reason the last few posts seem to have stoked the fire. Either way, I’ve been due for a clickbait headline.
Great post ! I wish more people understood the concept! Women should be free to express their femininity, not locked away.
How would you fit in the four loves into a MFM relationship? Or rather how did you see them expressed in your experience? Four loves being, Storge (empathy), Philia (friendship), Eros (romantic), and Agape (unconditional).
I think this would depend entirely on the scenario. Kev and I were always, and always will be the primary with Andrew being the secondary. The balance of the four loves would need to shift depending on the balance of the relationship.
Wow Emma, you nailed this one. When I suggested my wife consider taking on a second male, she immediately rejected it. There was a part of me that hoped she said yes in a way that I couldn’t previously explain… that is until I read your post. My having a ‘revelation’ understates what I’m feeling right now.
My wife says that after she became more open with her sexuality she feels stronger and more self confident. The wicked smile on her face says it all to me and I know I found my perfect match of a partner.
Great for both of you! 🙂
I think Emma is suffering from withdrawal symptoms from Andrew’s departure. She has had a taste of the proverbial forbidden fruit, and misses it.
Every sexually active female is aware of a man’s sexual limitations, and most are ok with it, but what if they had experienced what Emma has, would they still be content with the same one partner?
I have read testimonials from women who are hot wives or cuckoldresses, that have stated they would not want to go back to single partner sex.
Relationships get stale after many years together, sex drives decline with age and not always at the same rate as one’s partner. The love usually endures, but the sexual interest will diminish. We are a more enlightened people, than our predecessors and are learning that there are options that can be explored, that society in general no longer views as taboo.
You’re spot on, I’ve been working on the long overdue blog about Andrew leaving and part of it is certainly about that.
That is exactly my perspective. What I bring back to the relationship is a more refreshed and appreciative perspective. I renewed love and affection for the man that I love. Thank you for your comment!
Well written Emma. Frankly I think men in Female Led Relationships (especially those locked in chastity cages) should expect and accept their dominant wife or girlfriend to have sex with other men if she wishes it. In addition, he should submit to her wishes regarding support such as cooking meals, keeping a clean home, carrying packages, when the 3 of them go to shop etc. and must, at all times, remain docile and obedient when the lady and her lover are intimate together. As you may know, many submissive white husbands who are cuckolds must watch quietly and respectfully when their white wives are intimate with their black boyfriends, in public or in the bedroom. This should be the rule…and not the exception. 🙂
Hubby is very bad at sex (premature ejaculation) and that is why we have not had PIV sex for years.
My hubby supports me and thinks like me that I deserve to have good PIV sex. I personally have mixed feelings about having sex with other men. I talk to my husband about it for a long time. We’ll try and see how we both feel afterwards.
Have you cuckolded your husband yet? If so what was his reaction? Do you have forced bi plans for your husband?
I don’t like that term cuckold because it involves humiliation. I want sex with a man who is good at sex. My husband’s role will be to prepare me for sex and enjoy my orgasms, something we both love.I think I’m going to have sex with another man this weekend.
I hope that it works out for all 3 of you and you are able to get the kind of pleasure from sex you deserve and that your husband isn’t capable of providing. If possible try to him be as involved as possible in “giving” you away and letting another man make you feel the pleasure he can’t. I would suggest having him listen rather than watching the actual act though — watching may be too intense!
During my sex with another man, my husband was next to me. I kissed more with my husband than with the guy I had sex with. He needed it, as I did. It’s a special kind of intimacy in a whole new situation for both of us.
This post reminds me of a Netflix show called Bojack Horseman.
So, in the show, Bojack is a former sitcom actor – he’s very rich and loved by his fans. Yet he feels he is not enough. He is terribly depressed. He wants to make a movie about his childhood hero, but ends up not even showing up for the recording. He procrastinates everything. He also has a pretty bad drinking problem, and can’t connect with his girlfriend.
I might be wrong here, but this feeling is not about your relationship. It’s about everything (including your relationship of course). It’s about the new phase of modernity (some call it post-modernity, other just say it’s a new kind of modernity). We live in a world where everything is tailored for you. You’re special. Unique. Looking like everybody else or trying to fit in is a thing of the past. Everyone is a celebrity with a lot of followers. Or at least they try to be.
Yet we also feel empty. Just like in Bojack Horseman, nothing gets finished. We graduate and immediately start looking for a master’s degree. Then a PhD. Then then a postdoc. We move to a new project before finishing the last one. Marriages fall apart quickly – and often there’s no marriage at all – Just like in Bojack Horseman… There’s always more money to be made, things to be bought, fans to please. Yet everything feels empty…
Being miserable is a feature not a bug. It’s not your boyfriend’s fault. Maybe not even your fault. In this new modernity people need to feel bad so the market works: we need to sell them things, sell their data. Everyone is always feeling they’re being left behind, not achieving their goals, not getting their dream jobs, not being followed by their fans. We are always in debt – if not financial, emotional – we are owing to ourselves. And we feel we have to work harder to achieve those impossible goals.
3somes have nothing to do with holes or the human anatomy (ok, maybe a little bit). It’s about the need for filling up these emotional holes. And nowadays they are so big one guy is not enough!
Back in the 1960s we had this concept of the successful businessman that cheat on his wife with his secretary (I don’t know if we really had, I wasn’t even born yet). He always felt miserable on the inside. So did his wife. Yet today we are all a bit like him, feeling like it’s not enough.
Guess modernity sucks?
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