As I lay with my husband like I have so many times before, he pushed himself into me but this time was different. This time I didn't want that from him. Not tonight. Tonight I didn't want that from him. My hand guided his penis up and away from my pussy with each of his attempts. I held his body close to me and whispered "no baby" and caressed his tummy with my hand. He stopped and we lay there for a long time and I knew his heart ached. My desire was for Ryan and my heart was thinking of my lover and our upcoming weekend tryst. I had to be honest with my husband, right? Before too long, my husband began to grind himself against my stomach. I held his penis with each thrust and he eventually came on his tummy, it didn't take long. This was a special moment for us and an important step in our journey together. We laid together for a few moments more before he simply asked, why?
My heart is with Ryan and I, I, I just can't with you. Not right now, I stuttered.
Will we ever? He asked with a timid but inquisitive tone in his voice.
I could hear the hurt in his voice and I replied of course, my love, just not now. Not tonight. In my mind I couldn't fathom wanting to be with him in that way again. Not with the way Ryan made my heart race and my mind fill with lust and excitement. I knew it would only pass and my sexual recoil from my husband was only temporary as it has been in the past. My body falls for the latest fling but my mind and my heart stay with my husband for always. I am wired for passion and lust and my loving husband provides emotional security and consistency but our passion and lust pales in comparison to the newness because we have intense closeness and intimacy.
Our therapist guided us through this troubling realization as we learned about how I was wired. She called it the limerence period and she said that I thrive on it, I am addicted to it. She went on to acknowledge that most women do not experience life changing sexual experiences and extreme orgasms with their primary partner. This is the relationship cycle and is simply how things work. When couples learn how their bodies work, they evolve to a new level of excitement and satisfaction.
Most evolved relationships in fact benefit from the man gathering his emotional and sexual connection from his female partner while the female is open to meeting her physical and emotional needs from multiple males in a fully transparent and consensual manner. The key to this type of marriage is not only the male's acceptance but the male's support and permission for the wife to pursue and enjoy these types of experiences as an expression of his love for her. In fact studies even show that nearly 60% of men are wired to have fantasies of sharing their female partners as an expression of love and gratitude for the sexuality and femininity that their partners bring into the marriage.…
