This is part two of a series about the relationship sexual cycle. If you haven't already read my explanation of the relationship sexual cycle in part one, please take a moment to do so now. I'll do my best to make this one stand on its own but some of the concepts might make more sense if you frame them up first.
Great sex actually has nothing to do with a great relationship, you first need to separate the idea that those two things should go hand in hand. You CAN have a wonderful but sexless relationship and yes this includes romantic relationships as well. Can your needs be met with a sexless but highly emotionally connected relationship? This is a highly personal decision and may change at various points throughout your life.
If you find someone that you are highly sexually connected to, that absolutely doesn't mean they are relationship material. Have you felt sexual chemistry with someone that you knew was completely wrong for you? We all have! The bad boy, the hot nerdy guy; yep those are the boys I am talking about. Different people stimulate different parts of our brain and you need to separate the idea that everyone can be everything for you. It simply isn't true and it isn't fair to you or the people in your life to have that expectation.
On the flip side, a great relationship doesn't mean great sex. Have you ever been with a highly connected partner but lose sexual interest? This is especially true with long term relationships. The relationship needs of humans care about two things, arousal and safety. If you have pure arousal then you will likely have little support. If you have pure support, you will likely have very little arousal. These things don't go hand in hand.
Let's begin with desire. There are two types; responsive desire and spontaneous desire. Spontaneous desire is the lustful desire where you have sexual chemistry and cannot keep your hands off someone. Responsive desire is about showing up and putting yourself in sexual situations with someone who you have a responsive conditioning with. Responsive desire is built upon friendship and trust, two traits that are almost never associated with spontaneous desire. In fact, spontaneous desire is stifled by both friendship and trust. The video below does a great job of shining some light on the various types of desire.
…
For me it seemed the women had that 7 yrs itch, leaving me for their reasons (often not other men) since I was open to many sexual interests. the minimum was 3 months for the more dominant women wanting out, to 9 years with my last gf, who after 2 years of covid asked to move in as room mate only. being 9 yrs coerced asexual, that was an easy acceptable situation, if not a lil toxic.
I guess the real question is what is it you and your partner want in the relationship. And quite often sex is NOT the answer, more often it’s the patch. I have learned sex gave the women in my life reason to stay, but it wasn’t enough. Being INFP and happy for long times alone, they wanted more.
“Female sexual control allows sexual energy to be harnessed as relationship energy in a way that hijacks the fragile relationship sexual cycle by adding non-demand, non-reciprocal pleasure to the mix. Is this one sided? Decidedly, yes. This is a hack to alter what is typically a twelve-year cycle of female mate replacement. Even the most committed relationship will see a seven-year itch where the partners begin to find the need to “spice things up” and typically that lasts for a few years with severe sexual mismatch becoming evident by about the tenth year. This is of course not true sexual incompatibility; this is the female sex drive pushing for mate replacement as the children become self-sufficient and able to exit the safety of the nest.”
It is definitely a thing.It is scary, but if we were to embrace it as a reality, we could avoid serial monogamy as the only solution.
Research shows that people who share their fantasies with their partner by and large report having positive outcomes. That’s probably because your partner also has many fantasies of their own.
Sharing your fantasies helps build intimacy in that one person is being vulnerable. In turn the person responds in kind developing a virtuous cycle of positive sharing.
“Female sexual control may be added to your relationship in several ways”
Oh! Oh! Pick me! Here in the back, yes! If you’re looking to harness and control female sexual desire so that it doesn’t fall I to a rut, you could also try…drumroll…FEMALE CHASTITY AND ORGASM CONTROL!
The upshot, you sidestep all the tedious steps of being an orgasm babysitter amd blowing your marriage to smithereens with cuckolding. I mean, supply and demand, right? The fewer orgasms she has, the more amplified her sexual energy will be, and the more desire she will feel for her plain, boring old husband!
…Wassamatta? Not so enthused? Yeah, I got it. This is about your fenale dominance/control kink, as well as expressing your sadism. Nothing wrong, with that, and please do kink-on.
But please, forget the pseudscientific mental gymnastics of trying to justify your kinks under the banner of relationships maintenance: it is, perhaps, the cringiest role play of all.
Advise strangers on the web to your heart’s content, and again, kink-on. But stop pretending it is what it isn’t. It’s pedestrian and tiresome.