In some relationships, the cage is used as a tool to coerce the man to proactively be something or act a certain way. In other relationships the cage can be used as a way to punish the husband or atone for an action or lack of action. One of these is a proactive and positive approach and the other is a reactive and negative approach. The negative approach has the potential to create resentment and negativity. Consider instead, a committed modern relationship that employs the use of chastity as a relationship tool to proactively build trust and intimacy together.
If he does something noteworthy, give praise, a hug and whisper into his ear “go lock it on for me and bring me the key”. Some couples equate the cage to his penis being locked in jail while he is sentenced to some sort of period of penance. Once the period of time has elapsed, the cage is removed and he is no longer serving his sentence. Relationships should not be punitive! You both are committed to the happiness of the other and it is unlikely that one or the other partner is doing deeds to intentionally upset the other. If so, that is a bigger problem but a problem that should be solved with conversation and discussion. Kev and I went down the road of punishment and correction but realized that it created unnecessary distance and removed intimacy.
The cage on the other hand is a tool for the purpose of helping him redirect his sexual energy. By redirecting sexual energy, he is able to become more in touch with his emotional side and less focused on sexual release. For men, sexual release can become an unconscious undertone for so many interactions, this is known as the sex barter system. When the man’s actions are rooted in the sex barter system, many of his interactions and communication with you are rooted in an unconscious bargaining for sex. There is more to both of you than your sex organs, your relationship and your self worth should all be rooted in so much more than your sexuality.
Accompany his unlocking with much touching and sexual attention. So many couples say things like “they keys are on the counter, unlock yourself” which is so anticlimactic. Remember that he has been building his sexual energy for days as his body yearns for release. You don’t need to have a parade and cake to celebrate his unlocking but accompanying his unlocking with some light play and teasing is highly recommended to build a strong emotional tie.
Consider flipping the script on your chaste relationship and present chastity and all sexual interaction as a reward and a true act of love. Locking him is a privilege and he should take pride in wearing a cage for you. Over a period of weeks, you may find yourself in a situation where he is asking if he can lock up for you as an act of service rather than the other way around. Wouldn’t that be nice?