The Sex Barter System

The concept of bartering involves one party giving something to another party in exchange for something of similar value. As one of the world’s oldest professions, prostitution is the ultimate in sex bartering. In the context of relationships this equates to the bargaining for sex.
We’ve all heard it before:

I did the dishes and got you flowers, how come you still aren’t in the mood for sex?

The barter system is much more than that, when men are in the mood a great deal of his day is spent trying to placate his wife in an attempt to earn sex. You aren’t getting his genuine self when so much energy is being spent on convincing you to have sex. Love should not be earned nor bought and sex should be something that a couple enjoys with each other devoid of strings or manipulation. Our society and television have changed our guys expectations about sex and they have reinforced this barter system.

The barter system uses these tasks to guilt the other party into having sex. Ask any woman and she will tell you that guilt sex is never good sex. The guilt system is the primary way that many couples have sex and then we, as women ask ourselves why we have negative feelings when the topic of sex comes up. Resentment isn’t far behind when the woman is treated like an object to be used for the purpose of sex. Many men would be shocked to hear that they are objectifying their wife. By the very nature of the barter system, they are treating her body like an object that can be bought or sold by virtue of his actions.

You might ask yourself, doesn’t chastity simply reinforce the objectification of women? On the surface, it might appear so but once you dig a little deeper you will find that chastity fundamentally changes the reward system. By handing the keys to your woman, the man is handing control of his sexual pleasure. While this may seem like giving control of a very tangible thing, it is actually more of a symbolic gesture that constantly reminds his unconscious mind that he is no longer capable of doing this on his own. It gives his body and mind the realization that he is truly powerless in his situation. Make no mistake, he is entrusting an enormous part of his life to you and is allowing you to hold the power to something that is key to his existence and self worth.

He will go through a couple stages, during which he might get frustrated, angry, resentful and even depressed. After a period of two to three days in lockup, he will simply lose that less desirable side effect. That period of misbehavior will shorten as his body and mind get used to being locked up. You will find that subsequent lockups have far less negative behavior. The positive changes aren’t gradual, it is a nearly immediate change, his mind essentially gives up and places the responsibility of sexual needs in you. From that moment until the moment that you unlock him, you wield the power in the relationship. Even after unlocking, you will find that a simple reminder about the cage will help him get back to good behavior much more quickly.

The first and most obvious will be unsolicited massages, he will want to let out that pent up sexual tension in other ways such as touching. Sounds great, right? If you are anything like me, this is the type of touching you crave. Not butt or boob grabbing. He will really start to enjoy those massages as an outlet for his sexual tension and you should reward and encourage him. Compliment his massage skills and tell him how aroused the massage makes you feel. Many times, after having an orgasm I ask myself if I would rather watch him have an orgasm or lock him back up and allow him to give me a massage. If he has been retaining for at least a few days, he usually typically feels very rewarded to give you a stress-relieving massage in lieu of having an orgasm of his own. Your body is so relaxed and sensitive after having an orgasm, it is the absolute best time for relaxation.

So how long should you lock him up? I recommend that you start with a time that you feel comfortable with and just keep doubling it. A friend of mine recently just tried it for date night and enjoyed it immensely. From there, try overnight. The next time, leave him locked for half the day. After that, two days. Then four days. See where your sweet spot of behavior and personality is. For the first couple days, he will be grumpy and irritable. After a short while, his body will adjust and you will see a definite change. We don’t typically lock up for much longer than a week or two and during that time, the massages, extra attention and overall improved attitude never get old.

One of the main reasons that I started this blog is because I realized that as a gender, we’ve been settling for less. Although this may seem kinky or perverted at first glance, you will unquestionably get a more dedicated man who is exponentially more enthusiastic about your relationship. One thing that men crave is feeling desired, sexy and needed. I encourage you to praise him constantly about how well he is doing with the cage, how well he is behaving, how sexy his cage looks on him and how good his massages feel.

I like to reach over and hold his cage during my orgasms to allow him to share in my pleasure and reinforce the fact that he helped me achieve that sexual peak by forgoing his own pleasure. This will make him crave your orgasms as much as his own and find his own sexual gratification in your pleasure. If you are looking to take things a bit further, don’t forget about pegging. After about three days of lockup, his prostate will be swollen to the point that it will be a very pleasurable experience. At that point, he will be so horny that he will be more likely to expand his sexual comfort levels even if pegging isn’t something that would typically be on the menu. If you haven’t considered it, read up, buy some equipment and give it a shot!

The sex bargaining will disappear over the course of a month or two as he begins to realize that there is more to your interactions and relationship than just sex. The longer and more frequent the lockup periods, the quicker you will see results. Don’t burn him out, if you notice that he is getting resentful or depressed, stop for a few days and reintroduce it. Don’t make it too predictable and remind him that there is more value to his manhood than just his ability to please you sexually. His penis is a wonderful tool that allows you to harness his sexual energy and redirect it to serve your relationship. As he adjusts, he will get pleasure from pleasing you in other ways and validate his sexual self worth through other means. This will bring you closer and make some very fundamental changes to communication and love your relationship. Give it a try and you won’t look back. After all, what do you have to lose?

If it works for you, share it with your friends! I’d love to move this sort of behavior therapy from taboo to mainstream. On the right column there is a share button, hit that and share this site anonymously with your friends.