Equity vs. Equality: How to Balance Time With Multiple Partners

Navigating polyamorous relationships can be a beautiful, wild, and exciting adventure! With multiple people in the mix, you get the chance to experience love, intimacy, and connection on many different levels. But let’s be real for a second—keeping everyone happy and fulfilled in polyamory isn't always a walk in the park. It takes intentional communication, understanding, and a little extra work to maintain balance. Today, I want to talk about something I see so many people struggle with: partner equity vs. partner equality.

You may have heard these terms tossed around in poly communities or during relationship chats, but what do they really mean? And more importantly, how do they affect your relationship dynamics? Let’s dive into these concepts, and I’ll also share some tips on how to maintain healthy relationships while meeting your needs and your partners' needs without getting tangled in jealousy or insecurity.

At first glance, equality and equity might seem like the same thing, but trust me—they're very different, especially when it comes to relationships.

Equality in a relationship is about giving the same amount of time, energy, or attention to each partner. Imagine trying to split your love, your time, and your emotional energy equally between two or more people, like dividing a pie into perfect slices. This can be an impossible task, especially when every person in the relationship has different emotional, physical, and social needs.

Equity, on the other hand, is about fairness and adjusting what you give based on what each partner actually needs. It’s not about everyone getting the same amount of pie, but rather everyone getting the amount of pie that makes them feel full, secure, and happy. For one partner, this might mean a lot of alone time. For another, it might mean a lot of togetherness and social activities.

The key takeaway? Relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. When you focus on equity, you’re acknowledging that different people need different things to feel loved and valued, and that’s perfectly okay.…