FLR Without the F: Being a Solo Submissive

Female led relationships can be a ton of fun for everyone involved, including the submissive. But what are you supposed to do when your FLR is missing the F?

In the world of BDSM and power dynamics, submission is often thought of as something that exists within the boundaries of a relationship, particularly one with a dominant partner. However, there’s an entire aspect of submission that happens outside of these conventional settings: solo submission. This practice allows individuals to explore their submissive side even when they are not in a relationship or when their partner may not be interested in playing a dominant role. Solo submission can be an incredibly empowering and fulfilling experience, offering a way to satisfy that deep-seated desire for submission on one’s own terms.

I frequently receive messages from men who long to explore their submissive side but face unique challenges. Some are not in a relationship, leaving them without a dominant partner to guide them. Others may be in relationships where their partner isn’t comfortable with role-playing or has no interest in assuming a dominant role. Still, some men feel hesitant or unsure about opening up this part of themselves to their significant other, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. These men often ask, “How can I be submissive when I don’t have someone to submit to?”

The beauty of solo submission lies in its flexibility and personal empowerment. It allows you to take control of your own experience while still engaging in acts of submission that bring you satisfaction. Whether it’s through rituals, self-imposed rules, or exploring submissive fantasies privately, solo submission provides a path for men who want to live out their desires without needing to rely on a partner. It’s about finding balance, embracing your submissive side, and creating a fulfilling dynamic within yourself.

While the most obvious answer might be the simplest; find another female, sometimes that’s a lot more complicated than it sounds. So can you continue to explore the submissive aspects of your sexuality without having a dominant female in your life? At Lock the Cock, we firmly believe the answer is yes.

The Problems With Solo Submission

While solo submission can be very fulfilling to those of us not in a relationship, there’s obviously a few problems with the idea. Let’s talk about the issues you’ll face, or challenges as we prefer to call them.

1 – Who are you submitting to?

In a standard D/S relationship, the roles are clear. The dominant partner takes the lead, makes decisions, doles out punishments, you get the idea. The submissive, well, submits!

When you’re on your own, these lines become a lot more blurred. You might have to make some of the decisions that a dominant normally would, then follow them as the submissive. You might need to invent a dominant persona that you submit to, like an imaginary friend. Each of these options can be challenging, as you’ll not only need to be creative to think of the things the other partner might say or do, but you also have to be willing to fully commit or you might end up going easier on yourself.

An interesting alternative is to find something else that can take on the dominant role for you. This might be as simple as some domination videos you find on youtube or exploring sissy hypno. Or you can reach out to others in the community, such as Lock the Cock. Our social media channels provide plenty of interesting ideas and challenges that men practicing chastity alone can try just as easily as those with a Mistress.

Photo from Lock The Cock

Whichever route you decide to go down for your dominant problem, it’s important to treat it with all the respect you would any other dominant. If they want you to do something you do it, and if you don’t punishment will follow…

2 – How do you punish yourself?

Speaking of punishments, this is the second issue to submitting without a dominant. When you step out of line, how do you handle the consequences?

There are a few different ways to approach this aspect of your submission, but the most important part is that it’s planned in advance. If you wait until you have misbehaved to start thinking about punishments, it’s very easy to either sweep it under the rug or go easy on yourself.

Instead, when you decide to walk the solo submission path, take some time to lay out the expectations and the consequences. Ideally you’ll do this in a similar way to a BDSM or chastity contract, writing up all the important points for future reference. Then when the time comes to punish yourself, it’s there in plain black and white.

3 – Can you still do BDSM scenes?

A key part of many FLRs is taking part in all the wild and wicked scenes your dominant dreams up. Can playing on your own ever really provide the same effect?

While obviously there are many different kinds of play that are quite simply impossible in a solo situation, that doesn’t mean BDSM play is completely off the table. And thanks to the vast range of sex toys now on offer, there’s never been a better time to play with yourself!

You’ll need to use your imagination when figuring out which scenes you can manage on your own, and think about the toys you have available. Something like being pegged can easily be simulated with a suction cup dildo. Being forced to give oral can be done with a male masturbator, or even a sex doll. Being edged and teased can be accomplished with a discreet bullet vibrator.

Just like when deciding on punishments, it can be helpful to lay everything out in advance. This can help keep you on task and avoid getting lost in the moment and enjoying yourself a little too much.

The Benefits of Solo Submission

So far we’ve brought up a lot of difficulties with being a solo submissive. With so much going against it, why would anyone commit to such a restrictive and challenging lifestyle? Well, solo submission can be incredibly rewarding to those who put in the effort. Let’s take a look at some of the benefits.

1 – Complete Freedom

It sounds a little counterintuitive to highlight the freedom of a practice where you’re voluntarily restricting yourself. But practicing your submission solo gives a different kind of freedom.

Rather than having to find a partner that shares the same desires and fetishes as you, or compromising and not quite having the submissive lifestyle you’ve dreamed of, as a solo submissive you’re free to tailor the dynamic to yourself.

If you’ve always wanted to be a sissy, but never found a woman who wanted to dominate one, now you can. If extreme edging is more your style, but your previous dominant could never quite stop in time, you can edge yourself.

Whatever your lifelong idea of submission has been, now you can make it a reality.

2 – Flexibility

Depending on the dynamic of your FLR, there might not be a lot of flexibility to it. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a life partner who takes part in your BDSM play, you might need to schedule BDSM time around other responsibilities like children and jobs.

Similarly, if you’re involved with a long distance or professional dominant, your sessions of submission will be dictated by their schedule not yours.

Alone though, you can play whenever you want. Have a spare half an hour? Indulge yourself with a little submissive masturbation. Want a regular dose? How about some ASMR jerk off instruction before bed? You have the flexibility to enjoy submission when you want, how you want.

3 – Improved Self-Control

You’ve probably noticed that we’ve used the word “challenge” a lot in this blog. There’s a good reason for that. Practicing submission alone requires huge amounts of self-control.

At first, you’ll fail. Nobody’s perfect after all. But with each attempt your resolve will become stronger. You’ll be more strict. More willing to experiment. Even more punishing!

This form of self-discipline training will also be useful if you move back into partnered play later on. It highlights the importance of following the rules of your play, accepting the punishments given out, and gives you respect for the role the dominant plays in your pleasure.

Just Because You’re Alone, Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Submit

Solo submission is a form of self-directed power dynamics where individuals explore their submissive desires without the need for a dominant partner. It allows men to satisfy their craving for submission through personal rituals, self-imposed rules, and role-playing scenarios that they create and control themselves. This type of submission offers a way to embrace submissive tendencies even when a dominant partner is not present or when they are not comfortable sharing this side with others. By taking charge of their own experiences, individuals can live out their fantasies in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling, maintaining that crucial balance between submission and personal empowerment.

The mind games involved in solo submission are a key component of the experience. It becomes a mental exercise where the individual plays both roles—submissive and, in a way, dominant—creating the structure and boundaries they long to serve within. This can include setting tasks, imposing restrictions, or indulging in the psychological thrill of self-punishment or reward. These mental challenges allow for deep exploration of the submissive mindset, tapping into desires that might otherwise go unexplored. Solo submission creates a psychological space where one can engage with their submissive side in complex, mind-bending ways, elevating both the emotional and mental experience.

So if you’re one of the many men who read all about the joys of the submissive lifestyle and wish you could take part, why not give solo submission a try? It might be difficult, but the rewards more than make up for the challenge.