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Gigi Engle’s All The Fucking Mistakes is yet another good resource in the world of modern sexuality, relationships, and personal empowerment. It’s blunt, funny, and packed with real talk about sex, love, and self-discovery. Engle, a certified sex coach and journalist, doesn’t hold back in calling out the harmful narratives we’ve been fed about relationships and intimacy. She brings a sex-positive, feminist perspective that challenges outdated notions and offers a roadmap to healthier, more fulfilling romantic dynamics.
For anyone in or curious about female led relationships (FLRs) or modern non-traditional marriage dynamics, this book should be a good resource. The fact that she used the word “fucking” in the title shows that you she is making a thinly veiled attempt at being edgy but it does a good job of mixing the value of communication, autonomy, and the idea that women should prioritize their pleasure and emotional fulfillment. These concepts of course align beautifully with female led relationship dynamics. Like any book (unless written by me 😂), there are a couple of areas where it doesn’t perfectly map onto every aspect of a female-led relationship. More on that later.
Sex Education is a Mess, and It’s Time to Relearn Everything
Engle is merciless in breaking down how traditional sex education has failed us. Most of us grew up learning a fear-based, abstinence-heavy, heteronormative script that ignored pleasure, queer relationships, and female desire. She argues that understanding and owning your sexuality is one of the most empowering things a person—especially a woman—can do.
How this aligns with FLRs: Female-led relationships thrive when women take control of their own desires and set the tone for what they want sexually and emotionally. In FLRs, pleasure isn’t just a male-focused concept—it’s something women should claim, define, and explore on their own terms. Engle’s encouragement to unlearn shame and embrace sexual autonomy fits perfectly within this framework.
Open Communication is Non-Negotiable
One of the strongest themes in the book is the importance of radical honesty in relationships. Engle stresses that being clear about desires, boundaries, and expectations leads to healthier dynamics and deeper intimacy. This isn’t just about sex—it’s about emotional needs, deal-breakers, and making sure both partners are on the same page.
How this aligns with FLRs: A successful female-led relationship is built on clear communication. Whether it’s discussing relationship structure, sexual preferences, or emotional support, FLRs work best when women feel empowered to say what they want and expect their partner to respect and follow through. Engle’s emphasis on honest dialogue reinforces the core values of FLRs.
The Orgasm Gap is Real—And Unacceptable
Engle dives into the frustrating reality that women’s pleasure is often treated as secondary. She calls out the orgasm gap—where heterosexual women orgasm significantly less than their male partners—and pushes for a world where women feel entitled to pleasure.
How this aligns with FLRs: FLRs often center on the woman’s pleasure, turning traditional bedroom dynamics on their head. This book reinforces the idea that men should be active participants in ensuring their partners are fully satisfied and that women should expect, rather than hope for, orgasms.
Monogamy Isn’t for Everyone—And That’s Okay
Engle makes a strong case for exploring different relationship models, from ethical non-monogamy (ENM) to polyamory, and emphasizes that no single structure fits everyone. She provides insights into how to navigate non-traditional relationships in a healthy and fulfilling way.
How this aligns with FLRs: Many female-led relationships include elements of non-monogamy, whether it’s cuckolding, polyamory, or simply having an open dynamic where the woman explores other connections. Engle’s perspective on breaking free from monogamous norms aligns well with FLRs that embrace non-traditional marriage setups.
Emotional Independence is Sexy and Essential
Engle advocates for women to cultivate a strong sense of self outside of their romantic relationships. She warns against codependency and encourages readers to build fulfilling lives that don’t revolve around their partners.
How this aligns with FLRs: In a female-led relationship, the woman often takes the lead, not just in decision-making but in setting the tone for the partnership. A strong, independent woman is the cornerstone of a successful FLR. Engle’s emphasis on emotional independence aligns well with the idea that women should prioritize their own happiness and personal growth.
The Focus on Self-Discovery Over Relationship Roles
Engle is all about self-exploration and finding what works for the individual. While that’s incredibly valuable, FLRs often emphasize structure and roles that both partners agree on. Some people in FLRs enjoy a clear delineation of power, while Engle leans more into a fluid, less structured view of relationships. Her approach might feel a little too open-ended for those who prefer a more defined FLR dynamic. For many of us, a level of structure and certainty makes us feel safe and stable in a relationship.
Overall Thoughts
All The Fucking Mistakes is a great read for anyone looking to break free from outdated relationship norms and fully embrace their sexuality. It’s packed with humor, wisdom, and a no-BS approach to modern love and sex. For those in female-led relationships, it reinforces many of the core values—sexual autonomy, clear communication, and the rejection of patriarchal relationship models.
While it aligns beautifully with the empowerment aspect of FLRs, it doesn’t fully dive into the structured dominance/submission dynamic that many FLRs involve. It’s more about self-discovery than relationship roles, which might not resonate with those looking for a guide specifically on FLRs.
Still, it’s a fantastic read for women who want to reclaim their power in relationships and sex. And for those in FLRs? It’s a great book to hand your partner when you want them to understand why your pleasure and autonomy come first. I should also mention that I did not read the book, I listened to the audiobook and while I assume everything is the same I just figured that I should make note.
Evolving The Conversation
- How has traditional sex education shaped your views on relationships and intimacy, and what have you had to unlearn?
- In what ways do you think open communication strengthens a female-led relationship?
- How do you navigate personal independence while maintaining a strong, connected partnership?
- Do you think ethical non-monogamy is becoming more accepted in modern relationships? Why or why not?
- What’s one outdated belief about sex or relationships that you’ve let go of, and how has it changed your love life?
