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Have you ever found yourself lying in bed next to your partner, looking up at the dots on the ceiling and wondering if things in the bedroom could be… spicier, deeper, or just a little more fun? If so, you’re far from alone. Whether you’re the one craving kink or you’re hearing your partner hint at exploring new territory, it can feel intimidating to figure out where to start. That’s why I picked up Kate Sloan’s book 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do—and why I think it might just belong on the nightstands of those of us navigating modern relationships, power exchange, or a female-led dynamic.
Meet Kate Sloan
Kate Sloan is kind of like your super-knowledgeable, non-judgy friend who isn’t afraid to say the things we’re all thinking but too shy to admit. She’s been writing about sex and kink for over a decade and has built a loyal following through her blog GirlyJuice.net. Her writing is smart, tender, honest, and inclusive. What I love most is that she doesn’t make kink feel like it’s only for “the pros.” She brings it down to earth—and makes it feel like it can be yours.
Kate has a rare talent for making taboo topics feel approachable and dare I say attemptable. She’s also refreshingly real about the emotional side of kink, not just the toys and tools. And for those of us in female-led relationships, her work is empowering. It says: You can lead with confidence and compassion—and still have a whole lot of fun.
Why The Book Matters
There’s a big gap between wanting more kink in your relationship and knowing how to introduce it. Maybe your sex life feels stuck in a rut, and you’re craving something new. Maybe your partner brought up a fantasy, and you froze—not because you’re opposed, but because you just don’t know what that looks like in your bedroom. Or maybe you both want more, but you’re speaking different erotic languages and can’t quite find the overlap.
101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do is for those moments. It’s for couples who are curious but cautious. Eager to let go of control but afraid to lose control. It’s not just a list—it’s a manual. Kate walks you through bite-sized, low-barrier, low cost ways to explore kink together. It’s playful, imaginative, and filled with “oh, I could totally do that” moments.
And the best part? You don’t have to be “kinky” to benefit from this book. You just need to be open-minded and willing to play. Whether you’ve never dabbled or you’re already a little kinky and looking to reconnect with your partner in a more intentional way, there’s something here for you.
Mismatched Kink-Drives in Relationships
One thing I’ve seen again and again on this site: one partner feels like something is missing, and the other is oblivious, feels confused or hurt by the suggestion that traditional sex isn’t enough. This can happen in any gender configuration, but women, especially in long-term relationships, can sometimes get bored with the same old routine. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex—but for many of us, it doesn’t satisfy every emotional or psychological craving.
Kink, in its many forms, offers variety, emotional depth, newness, and even ritual. It can turn sex into something that gives butterflies and makes you feel alive again. Sex is, after all how adults play together, how we experience intense emotional bonding.
Sometimes the drive for kink comes from a woman who feels like she’s fading into the background of her own life—she’s craving power, sensuality, control, or even just to feel wanted. Other times, it’s the husband who secretly fantasizes about being dominated, tied up, teased, or stripped of his professional alpha role. Those men are more common than you’d think.
The book is gives both partners a safe place to start the conversation. It’s not about who’s kinkier or who needs more—it’s about finding common ground and discovering new ways to connect.
Key Takeaways From 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do
1. Kink Doesn’t Have to Be Scary or Extreme
The book starts small. Like, really small. Some ideas are as simple as blindfolding your partner with a scarf, whispering something naughty in their ear, or teasing them by saying “no” when you mean “yes—just not yet.” That accessibility makes it feel like you can do this. (Because you totally can.)
2. You Don’t Need Gear or a Dungeon
No whips? No chains? No problem. Kate’s ideas don’t require a shopping spree. Many kinks start in the mind, not the toy chest. From roleplay prompts to power exchange scenarios, she helps you find the erotic power in what’s already at your fingertips—literally and figuratively.
3. It’s a Journey, Not a Test
This book isn’t a checklist or a kink Olympics. You don’t “fail” if you skip some of the 101 ideas. The point is to explore, talk, laugh, and connect. Maybe something will surprise you. Maybe something will flop. But even the duds can spark better conversations and be a gateway drug to a new fantasy.
4. Consent and Communication Are Sexy
Every page is laced with reminders to talk to your partner. Not in a robotic way—Kate gives you flirty scripts, playful ideas, and permission to be awkward. Because real intimacy lives in those messy, human moments. I love the emphasis because it is without a doubt the number one, numero uno, mistake that couples make.
5. Kink Can Be a Way to Bond, Not Just a Bedroom Trick
This isn’t just about sex—it’s about connection. Sometimes it isn’t even about sex at all. When you and your partner try something new together, you build trust. You show each other that you’re willing to be vulnerable. And that’s hot.
Have I Tried All 101?
I’m obsessive yes but I’m not that much of an overachiever. I will say this: I’ve tried a whole lot more than I expected to—and the experience has been incredible. Some things became new staples. Others were hilarious one-time experiments. But every single thing we tried gave us a laugh, a deep conversation or even a new memory together.
And let me speak directly to the couples out there who might be nervous. You’re not alone. Just because your partner wants to explore something new doesn’t mean they’re rejecting you. It often means they want to bring you closer. Kink is all about reimagining your intimacy.
Getting Started Together
If you’re ready to explore together, here’s how I suggest you use Kate’s book:
- Read it separately, then pick 5 things each you’re curious about.
- Create a “yes/maybe/no” list over dinner
- Make a date night out of trying one thing each week
- Talk after every experience (this is essential!)
You don’t need to be perfectly in sync to start exploring. You just need mutual curiosity and kindness.
Evolving the Conversation
- What do you crave in sex that you don’t currently feel safe asking for?
- How do you feel about power dynamics in the bedroom—being in control or being led?
- What’s something playful or silly you’d love to try but haven’t brought up yet?
- What would “feeling more connected” look like to you during sex?
