Recent convert here so I feel like I am uniquely positioned to talk about this topic. If you read my previous blogs, you will know that I've been mostly opposed to cuckold and hotwife relationships. Much of this stemmed from the offensive connotation of the word cuckold especially after the last few years in political circles. I'd associated the word with my disdain for politics lately, I'd even tried to replace it with poly-friending a term that I coined myself.
I looked back at the etymology of the word cuckold and decided to change my opinion of the word and the practice in general. Evolving, I s'pose. So cuckolding and hotwifing, what's in for women? Isn't this a fetish for men to objectify and use their wife's sexuality for their own pleasure? This was one of the biggest turn-offs about the sport for me initially. I felt like the hotwife fantasy or culture was like a wife-swap, you give your wife (your property) to another guy in exchange for his wife (his property) and that swap was a transaction and therefore the wife was both an object and a whore. Hard nope.
A hotwife/cuckold relationship is a relationship where the woman holds the power, she is in charge of sexuality as it relates to the relationship. She chooses if or when she will have sex with her husband and explores relationships, often physical outside of her marriage. The hotwife is a term that I think best embodies the concept but cuckold bears a place as well depending on the dynamic. There is a hotwife/cuckold spectrum and on the hotwife side, it is more selfish and only about the wife and her pleasure. On the cuckold side of the spectrum it leans toward teasing and light humiliation toward the husband. The hotwife side of the line, it is about allowing her freedom to explore. The cuckold side of the line is about allowing her freedom to explore but adding some meaning toward her exploration.
While this may be a gross oversimplification, I think it is an interesting way of exploring the sexual and emotional bond between the husband and wife. Cuckold relationships are often rooted in fantasy, if she was really that displeased with her husband they wouldn't be married. The cuckold fantasy allows the man to attach meaning to the relationship dynamic and it can be extremely arousing to explore this together. You can read more about cuckold here but the psychological roots come from the concept of sperm competition. When more than one man pursues a woman, both men experience heightened testosterone and many other interesting emotions which can be fun to unpack and explore together.
Getting through that rough exterior and my expectations of husband's motivations took me a while but after long conversations, I now know that he simply wants to see me satisfied. He is often a complex guy but his sexual desires most often have the simplest of explanations. He wants to see the glow in my eyes and my heart following an experience that I am truly turned on by. He knows that I struggle with self-image, body-image and even self-confidence. He knows that arousal has always been a challenge for me and I often fixate on a finding the absolute perfect guy. This journey has been empowering for me and the slut shame and monogamy guilt that I thought would accompany it is virtually nonexistent.
This is about sexual liberation. In today's climate female sexuality is so fucking confusing. Men want to control female sexuality every step of the way. Roe vs Wade overturned by a bunch of old men was just the icing on the cake. It took time to digest but I now understand that by allowing me sexual autonomy, Kev is not being controlling, he is giving freedom for me to experience a sexual side that is ever evolving. Female sexuality is complex and the orgasm gap is very real. …
