If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know I’m all about adapting, evolving, and strengthening relationships. I believe that as long as you have two (or more) people who are compatible and committed, almost anything can be worked through.
But recently, I received an inquiry that made me pause. A reader described a marriage so toxic, so inherently imbalanced, that for the first time, I found myself saying something I’ve never said before: You should break up.
If I’m being honest, breaking up has never really occurred to me as an option. Not because I think every relationship is perfect, but because I’ve always seen love as something we shape, mold, and refine—not something we throw away when it gets tough. But the reality is, some relationships aren’t just struggling; they’re damaging. They sap your energy, diminish your self-worth, and leave you feeling more alone inside the relationship than you ever would outside of it.
I won't mention much about alternative relationship dynamics that many of us explore and that’s intentional. Those dynamics are not a replacement for the foundation of a strong relationship; they are things you build onto an already solid, loving, and mutually invested partnership. No dynamic—no matter how exciting, freeing, or unconventional—can fix a relationship where love, respect, and the desire to show up for each other are missing. If the connection at the core isn’t strong, if both partners aren’t actively working to be better for each other, no amount of new rules, shifting power dynamics, or external stimulation will create the bond that simply isn’t there.
Not all bad relationships are abusive, and not all unhappy relationships are toxic. But when love itself becomes a source of pain, rather than comfort, something is deeply wrong.
We outgrow those who don’t appreciate us—the ones who become indifferent to our presence, comfortable with our absence. The ones who let the distance between us grow, until one day, we realize they never really fought to keep us close.…
Bravo 👏 …….. Thank you Emma…….
There are many times in my life before my wife I had to do this and it shaped who I am I’m very independent and free thinking 🤔
One thing I learned is it’s hard for men a good man to walk away one of the hardest things they can do but sometimes very very necessary
In most cases when I have been in the kink community I run into let’s say a 50/50 split of good relationships and the others well…… Now I’m not saying all the bad ones was the woman’s fault no …… But most woman know when there in a toxic relationship and are working on a exit strategy men on the other hand need help ……. Lots of help ….. They are just not raised to think that way ..
My friend and I say that not lightly you have just earned your set at the big people table
I’m very proud of you 😎😎😎😎😎😎👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Ps yes at times it’s hard for good woman to walk away as well ….. And they do need help and I have helped them as well it just doesn’t happen as often……
I don’t know why always been curious 🤨 how or why woman almost have a instinct to know when and how to walk away most of the time they are right bang on …..
Or how it is they can just look at a couple and know yup that’s a toxic mix …
How do they do that ?
Emma good advice. We all have friends or family members that are in rotten relationships and it’s so frustrating that they don’t love themselves enough to leave the relationship. A lot are scared of changing their situation. Maybe because of kids. Kids know or feel when mommy and daddy are not on the same wavelength. Love your kids enough to set an example to show them this relationship between mommy and daddy is unhealthy. The kids will have so much respect for you. If they are small maybe not now, but when they get older they will.
No one likes change. Some will never leave the relationship because they need that drama in their life. Main point is you have to love yourself enough to walk away and close this chapter of your life. Relationships should be a happy place, not an Energy suck.
Kev and I and Erik are all fine. This isn’t about us in any way but thanks to everyone for the concerned messages. ♥️